Chapter 42
The scene shifted.
They were still in a dream. Benate let his consciousness drift along, watching it unfold as if observing a street play outside the window.
This time, he must have been sixteen, or maybe seventeen. One thing was certain—it was before the marriage.
“We must arrange the marriage at the right time, Count,”
the Emperor was saying to Count Erdei.
Benate kept glancing at Ailie sitting at the next table. He wanted to speak, but he lacked the courage.
Even after their first meeting, Ailie spoke very little.
She didn’t remain completely silent; occasionally, she would say something. But her words were mostly abrupt, disjointed, and like muttered monologues.
‘That is…’
‘Ah, this handkerchief? It’s something the nanny gave me last time. It has embroidery shaped like leaves…’
‘It was at the fountain.’
‘Huh? N-No way… Ah, I must have seen a similar handkerchief somewhere. It’s a common pattern, after all…’
‘…’
‘…Ailie?’
It was usually like this.
Her vacant eyes seemed to look nowhere, and she spoke in a fragmented, half-asleep way.
Even while in the same space, she felt as if she were far away, lonely in some distant place.
‘She’s not in her right mind.’
Benate had once mentioned Ailie to a friend he occasionally visited in childhood and had received that answer.
For some reason, Benate couldn’t just let it go. He flew into a rage, swore she’d never appear before him again, and stormed off.
Still unable to calm himself, he tore up and burned every apology letter she sent afterward.
He hated it. Hated how people made assumptions without knowing anything.
And at the same time, he had a doubt:
‘And what do I even know…?’
Benate himself didn’t know. He didn’t know what kind of person Ailie was.
Whether she was sane—or not.
“Benate.”
It was then.
Startled, Benate knocked over the glass of juice on the table. Ailie had suddenly called his name and approached him.
While Benate flailed, a servant who had heard the noise hurried to clean the table.
So busy was the servant that they didn’t notice the juice had slightly stained the prince’s jacket sleeve.
It was then that a pale blue handkerchief appeared in Ailie’s hand.
“You should use this to wipe it.”
Ailie said nothing more and turned away.
Benate held her handkerchief, lightly scented with floral perfume, awkwardly in his hand and stared at her retreating figure in stunned silence.
If she had been completely unresponsive, like a well-made doll, he might have wished for nothing more.
But strangely, there was a slight gap.
Though she often stood expressionless, giving no sign of hearing, at times she responded plausibly.
Though she didn’t always meet his gaze, at certain moments, she looked at him clearly as if by coincidence.
If luck favored him, a brief conversation could happen.
That tiny gap—it might have sparked his stubbornness.
“Ailie, wait.”
Benate chased after her retreating figure.
Even as he almost ran, the distance between them didn’t shrink. Then everything turned blinding white…
The scene changed again.
It was at a banquet. Ailie was by his side, and he was sitting on the throne, so this must have been after their marriage.
In fact, he didn’t need to pay close attention; just by looking at her expression, he could tell the time.
After marriage, Ailie generally wore a gentle smile at official events.
It was refreshing to see her not wearing the expressionless mask he had seen for years, even if that smile wasn’t directed at him.
Occasionally, Ailie would stroll through the garden with her maid Breni. Sometimes she went to the library. Occasionally, she met with the Empress Dowager.
But she never sought him out.
Even when Benate visited her, there was little reaction. She acted as if he hadn’t come, calmly sitting at her desk reading.
“When I briefly ran into the Empress in the corridor, she didn’t seem in a good mood. I wonder if something happened?”
“Pardon? Something happened? No, Your Majesty seemed as calm as usual. Though she is quiet.”
In the end, Benate had no choice but to inquire about Ailie’s state through Breni.
At first, he thought Breni was speaking nonsense.
But after some time, he realized she wasn’t.
Ailie was perfectly sane.
She was simply ignoring him, as if a huge wall stood between them.
“Veseli.”
“Yes, Your Majesty.”
Benate called Breni instead of Ailie, who was sitting beside him.
Even when he summoned her maid, Ailie didn’t react. She simply smiled like a picture.
“It’s hot today. I forgot to pick up the necklace I asked the magician to prepare for the Empress.”
“Ah! You cast a frost spell on it, didn’t you?”
“Yes, it’s been a while since the outdoor banquet…”
“As expected, the pride of our empire.”
Breni smiled brightly and clasped her hands together.
“Your Majesty’s love for the Empress.”
The moment she said this, Ailie’s light pink eyes finally reached out to him.
Her previously vacant gaze flickered.
It was an unusual reaction.
Perhaps she wasn’t feeling well; as Benate stood to check her condition—
“I will return now.”
Ailie said, standing first.
He noticed her hand trembling slightly as she held her dress.
“Wait, Empress!”
Benate called after her and chased her.
The throne couldn’t have been that high, yet the steps leading downward seemed endless.
“Wait! I have something to say!”
Ailie didn’t look back.
Descending the long, endless staircase, she didn’t give him a moment to catch up.
“Ailie, please listen. I mean…”
At that moment, a large door appeared at the bottom of the stairs.
Ailie opened it and disappeared into the light. Benate hurried after her down the stairs, but…
“Aili—e…”
There was no door below.
Only the banquet hall beneath the throne, filled with curious nobles staring at him.
Benate withdrew his outstretched hand.
He felt as if he would never see Ailie again.
‘Forever.’
That thought made him clutch his chest.
Pain radiated from his chest throughout his body. His breathing grew rapid.
An inexplicable feeling consumed his mind. It felt as if the world were collapsing. The floor beneath his feet seemed ready to crumble, sending him plummeting.
Benate returned to the throne. The Empress’s seat was empty, but he tried not to look.
All he could do was wait for Ailie.
When she would come, if she would come, if she would ever look at him if he waited long enough.
Without knowing anything.
Simply clinging to a foolish, unrequited love.
‘I’ll try to kill this feeling.’
A thought he once had vaguely resurfaced.
He couldn’t. He simply could not end this feeling.
Morning had come.
Ailie stared blankly at the light streaming through the window. She had stayed up all night.
Thanks to the antidote Teda had prepared, Benate’s breathing was more stable. The purple bruising that had spread across his left arm was gone.
It was a relief.
Now, no lingering doubts would ever belong to her.
The deep relief that seeped into her chest was complex, but Ailie decided to leave it at that.
‘It’s fine. Everything’s okay now.’
Ailie covered her mouth with one hand and yawned quietly. She would take a moment to rest in the rocking chair.
Thanks to the sudden patient, Teda had also been sleeping in the attic. Fortunately, there was an extra bed there, though old. This made her feel slightly less guilty for imposing.
She was about to carefully walk toward the rocking chair a few steps away.
“…Ailie…”
A hoarse voice, still half-asleep, came from behind.
Benate had woken. Ailie turned around immediately.
Benate lay on the bed, only his eyes moving to watch her, cautiously reaching out. His pale blue eyes flickered side to side.
Why was he so unsettled? His body must have healed, yet his gaze seemed confused.
Like a child who had just woken from a nightmare.
“Ailie.”
“Yes, Your Majesty.”
“…”
“I’m glad you’re okay.”
“…Ailie.”
“Yes.”
Was he still half-asleep?
Even after she answered, he called her name again.
It was odd, but somehow that desperate voice made her answer calmly.
“Ailie.”
“Yes.”
Then, the next moment.
“Can you… hear my voice?”
What did he mean?
She had been answering him all along. Ailie nodded.
Perhaps he thought he was still dreaming.
“Yes, I can hear it. I’m listening carefully.”
At her words, his lake-like pale blue eyes rippled.
Not tears, but the motion made Ailie feel as if he might cry at any moment.
Even though it shouldn’t be possible.
“I wanted you to hear it.”
The tip of his voice trembled like tiny ripples.
“I’ve been waiting.”
Ailie stood frozen as if rooted to the spot.
“All this time, continuously…”
She understood that Benate was speaking incoherently.
Yet somehow, she could not turn away. She wanted to say, You must be tired; go back to sleep, but she couldn’t bring herself to speak such a simple sentence.
“I only wanted you to answer me.”
What did that mean? Had she ever avoided answering him?
She wanted to ask, but…
“I love you, endlessly, Ailie.”
All the words she wanted to say vanished in front of him.
