Chapter 85
Pointing my thumb sharply over my shoulder as I blurted that out, I suddenly felt like some back-alley thug extorting people for money.
Maybe he found my behavior ridiculous—those blue eyes just stared at me blankly without answering.
Thinking this might be a bit much, I awkwardly lowered my thumb. A beat later, Rixion Luhanes finally nodded.
“…Alright.”
The flat way he said it made me flinch for a moment. Then I muttered inwardly.
No, did he really have to phrase it like that? He could’ve said “Sure,” or “Okay.” There were definitely better ways to respond, weren’t there?
Because of that one word, memories I’d deliberately shoved aside came bubbling up, and my chest tightened. Things like confessions about liking me—those kinds of memories.
I couldn’t exactly interrogate him about that here, so I forced myself to push forward with an even more aggressive tone.
“If you’re okay with it, let’s take a short walk!”
“That sounds good too.”
His way of answering had been bothering me for a while, but thankfully Rixion Luhanes followed me without any further comments.
I started walking first, feeling the intense gaze of the head butler on my back—like I’d just saved his life. I could sense Rixion Luhanes quietly following behind me.
I’d saved the head butler’s life, but now it was probably my turn to die.
Swallowing nervously, I walked ahead until we were far enough away from the others, then stopped.
“……”
“……”
Standing face to face with him, I fell into deep thought.
I’d dragged Rixion Luhanes aside by sacrificing myself to save the head butler, but now that we were actually alone, I had no idea what I was supposed to say.
I couldn’t exactly ask him outright if what he’d said about liking me was real…
“I thought you’d avoid me again like before.”
While I was desperately racking my brain over how to start the conversation, Rixion Luhanes casually spoke up, as if it were nothing important.
“Is it okay today?”
I slowly looked up at him, having been restlessly darting my gaze around.
His handsome face wore an oddly pleased, amused smile.
Staring blankly at Rixion Luhanes, I thought:
He thought I’d avoid him again like before.
Then why was he asking why I wasn’t doing that today?
Why had I avoided him back then?
My memory felt oddly fuzzy, so I dug through it—and immediately recalled the worst memory of Elizabeth Christener’s life, squeezing my eyes shut.
Because I cried and made a scene in front of him, asking why Ji Eunha wasn’t there. It was mortifying enough to kill me.
Remembering it belatedly, I was overwhelmed with embarrassment. Closing my eyes wasn’t enough, so I covered my face with both hands.
I wished I could just turn into fine dust and vanish into thin air.
“Liz?”
When I suddenly buried my face in my hands and didn’t move, a worried voice called my name.
“What’s wrong? Are you dizzy?”
Even without looking, I could imagine the person in front of me fidgeting in concern.
“Liz, look at me.”
When I didn’t respond and kept hiding my face, he lowered his voice and gently took hold of my wrist.
I didn’t resist, letting my hands drop as Rixion Luhanes guided them down.
Only then did my face fully come into view. He looked me over carefully, then let out a small sigh of relief.
I didn’t seem to be crying, and my complexion wasn’t pale, so he must’ve relaxed.
Staring blankly at him like that, I suddenly opened my mouth without thinking.
“Did you really say you liked me?”
The moment I asked such a question, my runaway sanity came rushing back.
Realizing what I’d just blurted out, I froze, my face blank with shock.
Did I really just ask something that stupid? I should’ve been doing everything I could to pretend that whole incident never happened—what was I thinking, bringing it up myself?
I stood there stiffly, resisting the urge to punch myself in the face—when I noticed the other side was oddly silent too.
What? Why wasn’t he saying anything? Why was this silence making me anxious?
Hesitantly, I lifted my eyes again. Rixion looked deep in thought.
“Hmm.”
…Huh?
As he even let out a small hum, wearing a serious, contemplative expression, I silently shot him a questioning look.
Sensing my gaze, Rixion Luhanes looked back at me, then smiled with his eyes gently narrowing.
“I was thinking about how I should answer so that Liz won’t avoid me again.”
…What is he talking about now?
I’d asked whether he really liked me because I couldn’t tell if that moment had been real or just something I’d imagined.
But instead of an answer, I got this completely unexpected response, leaving me flustered.
Turning over his vague words in my head, I looked at him with uneasy eyes.
“Then… was it real?”
In response to my follow-up question, he just smiled.
“Which answer would you prefer, Liz?”
With a calm, gentle smile and no trace of irritation, Rixion Luhanes turned the question back on me.
I lightly bit the inside of my cheek.
What I really wanted was an answer like, “That never happened,” or “I was just joking back then.”
I wanted him to laugh it off and tease me for taking it seriously.
That would’ve been a hundred, no—a thousand times better than hearing that his confession was real.
But no matter how much I wished for that, how could I possibly say it?
Judging by everything so far, that confession had clearly happened, and those feelings were probably genuine.
Even if the person standing in front of me were an emotionless robot, telling someone who said they liked me that their feelings were unwelcome—that they should stop liking me—was impossible for me.
Still, I told myself I had to cut this off here, that I should be honest… but then memories of his childhood surfaced, and my heart ached.
If I was honest, he’d definitely be hurt.
He already carried so many wounds—I didn’t want to add another one myself.
Would quietly avoiding him again, like before, solve things? If I stayed out of sight, would his relationship with Ji Eunha gradually recover?
As I struggled with these thoughts, images of Ji Eunha crying like a child and Emperor Alexis—who looked like he’d do anything for her—rose in my mind.
No! This isn’t something I can solve by being soft about it!
For my own safety until I returned to my original world—and for the safety of my brother Michael and our family—I had to harden my heart.
That’s right. I needed to be ruthless. Any wounds I gave him would eventually be healed by Ji Eunha anyway.
But what was I supposed to say? I’m sorry, please don’t like me?
Just blurt that out? When he hadn’t even clearly said whether that incident was real or not?
“Liz can think whatever she wants to think.”
My head was already pounding, and all I got were more vague answers.
Frowning, I glared at him as he smiled with infuriating ease.
“No, that’s not what I mean. What I asked was—”
“What if it was real?”
The moment I scowled to protest, Rixion Luhanes cut in, interrupting me.
When I froze, he completely erased the smile from his face and looked straight into my eyes.
“If I said that my confession—that I liked you—was real, would you date me?”
His expressionless blue eyes, stripped of all humor, felt faintly frightening.
Unable to look away, I stared blankly—then snapped back to my senses.
“O-Of course not!”
“I figured as much.”
When I reflexively shouted in rejection, he smiled as if he’d expected it all along. He didn’t look disappointed or upset.
It was more like he’d simply confirmed something he already knew.
And yet, that calm, unaffected expression hurt more than if he’d looked crushed.
I lowered my gaze, not knowing what to do.
Why me? Why did it have to be me?
My mind repeated the same thoughts over and over.
I didn’t understand why he liked me, why I had to feel this uncomfortable, or what would happen if Ji Eunha or the Emperor found out. My head throbbed.
“I’ll escort you back to the marquis’s residence.”
As I stood there with my head lowered, sighing heavily, a gentle voice spoke above me.
I lifted my head, looking exhausted.
“No, it’s fine. Thanks to Your Grace, I’ve got plenty of guards trailing behind me.”
Then a sudden thought struck me, and without thinking, I reached out and grabbed Rixion Luhanes’s arm.
“Oh, right! Come to think of it—what on earth did you say to my brother? The people stationed around our residence right now—they’re mages from the Mage Tower, aren’t they?”
Caught off guard by my sudden action, Rixion Luhanes looked down at the arm I was holding with slightly widened eyes.
