Chapter 8
“Oh my. I thought you two had already talked everything out. Guess not?”
I couldn’t very well deny it here, so I just covered my mouth and feigned ignorance with the nuance of “I knew everything already.”
“And you’re the first human to realize it’s five floors… oh, wait. You’re not human, are you?”
Completely ignoring my feigned act, the snake bastard just kept talking.
That chilling voice echoed down the corridor. Why are you treating me like this? More importantly, I really am human—why is everyone so desperate to turn me into something else?
“You really are amazing… incredible. But then why are you wearing human skin?”
The lazy whisper slithered, hissing like only a snake could. So what now, I’m a snake pretending to be human? I almost snorted. What kind of nonsense was that.
“Well, because I am human?”
“You… human?”
I didn’t answer after that. The snake doll stared at me with those pitch-black eyes for a while and then—
“Pfft… Khh. Snrk. Hahaha!!”
It burst out laughing.
…What the hell. Was me saying I was human that funny? My pride smarted a bit.
“That’s the funniest thing I’ve ever heard in my life…! What is this, some kind of joke that’s trending among ghosts lately—”
“Do I look like a ghost to you?”
The words slipped out without thinking, pricked by irritation. Well, technically, since I was possessing a body, ghost might not be that far off… but hearing someone laugh that hard at me calling myself human just rubbed me wrong.
“…What?”
The snake doll froze, expression hard.
That’s when it hit me.
Ah… crap.
Right, wasn’t this guy supposed to be a ghost—or rumor, or mascot, or maybe the landlord—that used humans as sacrifices? If he found out I really was human, then—
Brutal death.
Brutal death.
Brutal death.
Either eaten, sacrificed, or otherwise. There was no ending where I came out alive. Sure, the fact that I was still in this body probably meant he preferred males over females… but that just meant pork vs beef, not that he never ate women.
So yeah—I’d just screwed up by bragging I was human. Time to swallow my pride and patch things over.
“Well, that doesn’t mean… I actually look human either, right?”
Best to leave it vague. Something in-between. Please, God, don’t let him eat me.
Outwardly, I kept my eyes half-lidded and spoke down to the snake doll with false calm.
“Think whatever you want. However you see me doesn’t affect me much.”
The snake narrowed its black eyes, watching me closely. If sacrifices allowed the landlord to roam, and the snake was the landlord, then… wasn’t he basically the final boss here?
Super OP. And me? One-hit KO material. My only weapon was running my mouth.
“Anyway, I don’t see any reason to keep you around. Won’t you show me the way out?”
“Oh dear. Running with your tail tucked.”
“Seems you’ve misunderstood.”
“I’d prefer if you didn’t swagger so much in someone else’s domain. Because when I get angry…”
I dropped my voice low for a moment, crouching down so my eyes lined up with his. The snake doll twitched slightly—maybe my bluff was working. I folded my eyes into a wide smile, so much that my pupils disappeared, and spoke gently again in a normal tone.
“You never know how I might react, do you?”
In other words—I could scratch the wallpaper, vomit, or even piss all over the place. I might die, but I’d make damn sure this mansion was stained before I went.
Maybe he sensed that stubborn resolve, because the snake doll didn’t cry… instead, it swelled.
Literally.
The once-cute stuffed snake ballooned into a massive beast with nine heads. Its body, hulking and muscular, looked like it had been hiding just for this moment.
KWAANG!!
The black snake slammed into the corridor to flaunt its might. Marble shattered beneath the carpet and flew sky-high. Wow, those shards alone could build another floor. But wait—you’re the landlord, right? Shouldn’t you take care of the place? Or is it because you’re the landlord that you can wreck it?
Reality crashed down on me. My heart raced. I barely avoided a head strike aimed at me. Well—“avoided” was generous. My legs gave out, and I just collapsed by accident. Lucky miss.
Still, I couldn’t just sit there and die. I scrambled to the side, dodging another headbutt, and opened my mouth.
“Who knew your way of thanking me for offering up a male sacrifice would be this… violent!”
I barely dodged, but it drained everything out of me. To hide my exhaustion, I just babbled whatever came to mind.
“A hydra, huh? Perfect for snake wine.”
If I was going to die, I might as well trash-talk him to death. Maybe he’d get so mad his blood pressure would pop.
But oddly enough… Bloody Mary and Charlie Charlie had gone silent.
Did they ditch me? When things got tough? Some friends… or ghosts.
I clicked my tongue inwardly, watching the hydra’s nine heads each move differently. Why was I so sure it was a hydra? Because what else could a nine-headed snake monster be? Even if it introduced itself as “Chimera,” I wouldn’t bother correcting it.
I narrowly avoided the eighth head snapping at me—
…by tripping.
Was that really dodging? Maybe I was secretly some kind of evasion master. Or maybe the mansion was helping me. But that didn’t make sense—this was his mansion. Helping me was out of the question.
Unless… my hidden talent was luck.
But no, if I were really that lucky, I wouldn’t have possessed a ghost-infested mansion in the first place. I’d be living it up somewhere rich and fancy.
While I spiraled into thoughts, the snake hissed at me, sounding annoyed.
“Dodging won’t help you.”
“Beasts who chase their sacrifices too much aren’t very popular, you know.”
I deliberately called myself a sacrifice to provoke him.
“Shut up.”
He dismissed me flatly. Rude bastard.
My brain spun furiously. I had to survive this. Even if it wasn’t technically my body, getting brutally killed in a haunted mansion minutes after possessing it was not on my to-do list.
Besides, what happened to humans eaten by hydras? If my soul got shredded inside him, then no reincarnation, no possession—nothing. My existence would just end.
So I tracked every move of those nine heads with desperate focus.
CRASH!!!
The hydra smashed down in irritation. A stained-glass window that had been hanging on for dear life finally shattered. I wanted to mourn it, but there was no time. Another head lunged, its breath reeking.
Monsters that big were supposed to be slow—at least, in every comic or movie trope ever.
But—wow.
This one wasn’t slow at all. Who was the liar who spread the rumor that muscle-types lacked agility?
Its movements were grotesque, precise, fast—like a centipede with too many legs scuttling straight for me. That relentless obsession made my skin crawl.
“Even if you dodge, nothing will change. Why waste your breath flailing?”
Uh, excuse me? Whether I live or die changes everything. How is that “nothing”?
Feigning calm, I twisted my head aside just enough to avoid being bitten and answered evenly.
“Even if you attack, you’ll never land a hit. Why waste your breath flailing?”
Yeah, my mouth finally betrayed me.
“What was that?”
The hydra’s temper snapped.
Its nine black faces flushed red all at once. The sight was bizarre, but not something I ever wanted to see. What next, a second transformation? Stronger, meaner?
“I was going to keep you alive as a pet since you looked human and kind of cute… but forget it. I don’t care if you die now. I’ll do as I please.”
…Wait, pet? Since when were you ever merciful? That murderous aura said otherwise!
So this is what they mean by “asking for a beating with your mouth.” If there really was a “power that attracts beatings,” I clearly had it.
The hydra muttered something else to itself, but I stopped paying attention. Its voice wasn’t pleasant, and that constant hissing grated on me.
Maybe some people would call me shallow for caring about looks and voices at a time like this.
But if a nine-headed snake was lunging to bite your face off, would you stay sane?
“Why are you so loud? You sound like a pathetic mid-boss who’s about to lose.”
After all, final bosses are supposed to look majestic. At best, this thing was a mid-boss.
