Chapter 37: The Powerless One
He clicked his tongue, genuinely worried about my safety. For a moment, I almost felt touched.
But of course—there was no way the Emperor would truly worry about me.
“Then I’ll be going now. Get some rest.”
“Ah—about the matters concerning the Tower Master…”
“I’ve heard the general outline. They even laid hands on orphans, didn’t they? I’ll look into that further myself. For now, you should rest. I’ll hear your report later.”
I simply inclined my head at his imperious tone.
“I’ll be leaving.”
It felt improper to see the Emperor off while lying down, so I tried to sit up. But the Emperor gestured toward my side, as if telling me to look.
“Normally, you should rise and greet me, but your younger sister is sleeping there. Stay lying down.”
“Ah… Shasha…”
“She cried for hours and wouldn’t leave your side. Let her sleep.”
He spoke gently—at least when it came to the child. Worried about Shasha, he made me lie back down.
“Thank you.”
“There’s no need for thanks. I’ll be very busy from now on.”
“I see.”
“Yes.”
That was all.
If you’re going to be busy, what am I supposed to do about it? Should I cheer you on? Tell you to hang in there? I stared at the Emperor. He seemed as if he had something to say, his lips parting slightly, but then he shook his head.
“No. I’ll take my leave.”
With that, the Emperor walked out. He left coldly, without a hint of hesitation. Watching him go, I turned over and gently patted Shasha’s back.
Judging by the tear stains filling her eyes as she slept softly beside me, it seemed true that she had cried.
I slowly stroked the child’s hair.
“Shasha…”
A nightmare I had long forgotten. Ever since Noah—whom I had tried to leave only in memory, only as a distant recollection—had that nightmare, those memories kept resurfacing.
I had been fine. I had only felt guilt and regret.
But now, I could see his face again.
It overlapped with Shasha’s.
“Shasha…”
Tears spilled out. I had tried not to dwell in sadness, to stay bright and cheerful—but whenever I was with Shasha, I thought of Noah. Even knowing she wasn’t Noah, I felt relieved just having her by my side.
Damn it. I shouldn’t be taking care of Shasha with those feelings in my heart.
And yet, even now, that was exactly how I was looking at her.
“Ma… ma…?”
Not long after the Emperor left, it seemed someone else came in. But when they saw me lying on my side, shoulders trembling, they quietly left again.
Thanks to that, I could cry freely.
“Noah.”
As soon as he stepped outside, the Emperor glared irritably at the knight following behind him.
The knight, who had hurried after him, tilted his head in confusion.
“Find him.”
“Pardon… what do you mean by that?”
The Emperor’s secretary and vice-commander of the First Imperial Knights, Tetel, blinked as he looked at the Emperor—who always spoke in riddles.
The Emperor sharply turned his head away.
“…Find a man named Noah.”
“Ah—y-yes, understood. Is that all the information you have, Your Majesty?”
“Yes. She seemed absurdly attached to him.”
“…Pardon?”
Clearly displeased, the Emperor clicked his tongue.
“There’s no information. Just find a man named Noah. Find him and—”
“Shall I kill him?”
“……Do I look like some insane bastard to you?”
Tetel almost nodded before stopping himself.
“N-no, Your Majesty.”
“Right. I’m not insane. So I’m not telling you to kill him the moment you find him.”
It was meant as a defense of his sanity, but Tetel’s lips trembled.
You used to say being called insane suited you perfectly. So what’s got you so bothered today?
He swallowed those thoughts, as he always did.
“Just find him. Who he is, where he lives.”
Seeing how irritated the Emperor looked, Tetel grew genuinely curious.
The Emperor had always been quick to anger, but he rarely showed it outwardly. Usually, he went hunting or drank wine alone, lost in thought.
“Who is he, to upset you this much?”
“An annoying bastard.”
“…Pardon?”
“Just find him. And cancel all my afternoon appointments.”
“Yes. You didn’t have any scheduled.”
“Why not?”
“You canceled everything because the Empress was coming.”
Tetel stared at him, wondering if he was serious. Had he already forgotten what he’d done just hours ago?
Is today one of those days? One of his ‘crazy days’? It feels a bit early for that…
Tetel watched him carefully.
“I see. I really must be out of my mind.”
“…Pardon?”
“To be this concerned over someone like that.”
“She is Her Majesty the Empress. Your first Empress, at that…”
“Ah. Right. That’s why it bothers me.”
Muttering to himself, the Emperor’s expression gradually softened—as if he’d found an answer.
“It’s just that. Nothing more.”
“But, Your Majesty… may I ask one thing?”
“What is it?”
“You used to despise being alone with women. Are you truly all right being with the Empress?”
Countless women had wanted to become Empress, but the Emperor never spared them a glance.
His aversion to women was severe. No one knew the cause, and so countless women tried every possible way to catch his eye.
They tripped in front of him, became palace maids, tried desperately to be alone with him.
And the more they tried, the worse his disgust grew.
He could no longer even stay in the same room alone with a woman.
Except for Isabella.
“That’s what’s strange. It’s… odd.”
“Odd, you say?”
“Something about her… She doesn’t fit into any mold. No manners, no decorum. And yet, she’s fine. Not disgusting at all. It’s strange—how some are unbearable, and some aren’t.”
He let out a dry chuckle, staring into the air as though he couldn’t understand himself.
He hated women—deeply, violently. Hated talking to them, hated breathing the same air. Because of what he’d experienced in the past, he loathed their very existence.
But she was different. Was it because she charged at him like an enraged bull during their first meeting? Or because she sent pigeons as if begging him to notice her?
At first, she was someone he intended to ignore like all the others.
Yet somehow, he found himself caring about Isabella.
It felt as though she might be able to loosen this deep-rooted hatred within him.
But… in the end, she’ll be the same.
Just like always.
“In any case, I’ll go hunting today.”
“Yes. I will make the preparations.”
Tetel bowed deeply, and the two of them slowly disappeared from sight.
One week later.
From that day on, I was treated like a newborn baby. The Emperor had ordered that I was unusually frail compared to others and was forbidden from going outside.
Funny, coming from the man who’d once said I had less stamina than a child.
For someone who’d told me to go outside and run around, it was incredibly contradictory. In the end, I was trapped in my room for an entire week.
“Ugh… I feel so stiff.”
I’d spent the whole day lying down. Not just me—Shasha too. Spending quiet time together in a sunlit spring room was nice, but my body ached all over.
“Are you all right? They said it would be best for you to stay in bed at least one more day.”
“I’m fine. More importantly—did anything happen?”
“Things did happen, but His Majesty postponed all of them. He said he would address them once you woke up.”
“Well, now I’m awake. Should we get to it?”
Through Cherti, I learned what had happened the day I’d gone to the Mage Tower.
I really had fainted. Just as the Emperor said, I hadn’t woken up even after the carriage arrived at the palace. That was why he had been summoned in such a hurry.
Even when he shook me, I didn’t wake.
Ken carried me here, and around the time the physician arrived, Shasha woke up and began crying.
No matter how much they tried, I wouldn’t wake. The physician said there was no reason I shouldn’t wake other than extreme fatigue—but even after he left, I remained unconscious for half a day.
Shasha cried hysterically, begging them to save her sister. And, incredibly, the Emperor himself had comforted her.
Everything related to the Mage Tower had been put on hold until I regained consciousness.
“Then I should at least do something. Lying down all this time makes me feel even weaker.”
“You may find it difficult to move right now. How about having tea in the garden?”
“Hmm…”
“I’ll inform His Majesty. Rather than starting work immediately, it would be better to talk lightly over tea.”
I nodded at Cherti’s suggestion. Honestly, I just wanted to go outside.
As lovely as this room was, staying here for a week was suffocating.
Shasha had stayed by my side the whole time, saying, ‘I’ll protect you, Sister!’ But day by day she’d grown more listless—now sprawled over the sofa like dried seaweed.
“Shasha.”
“Mmm…”
“Shall we go out?”
At those words, Shasha jumped up from the sofa.
“Really? Yes, yes!”
“It’s just right outside, but still—let’s go.”
“Okay!!”
“Then I’ll prepare the tea set. I’ll also have Barum report to His Majesty. Melodin will accompany you, so if anything happens, please let us know immediately.”
Was it always like this? As if everything had to be handled systematically, Cherti quickly assigned everyone their tasks.
“Shasha, let’s get ready too.”
“Yay! I’m so happy!”
“Are you that excited?”
As soon as we changed and headed to the garden, Shasha hopped along like a rabbit.
“Yes!”
“If you wanted to go out this badly, why didn’t you before? You didn’t have to stay by my side.”
“Ah… but! I had to protect you!”
Puffing out her cheeks, Shasha squeezed my hand tighter.
“Protect me?”
“Yes! You’re powerless—you can’t do anything. So I’m the only one who can protect you!”
At her earnest words, spoken while clenching her tiny fist, my chest tightened painfully.
“Who said I’m powerless?”
“The Emperor! He said you’re very powerless, so someone strong like me has to protect you! That’s why I didn’t go out. I was worried.”
With her lips still puffed out, Shasha stared straight at me.
