Chapter 14: It’s like Shit
“Bella!”
“I can’t hear you.”
With that, I quickly went to my bed and lay down. The countess tried shaking me awake, but I didn’t move an inch, resolute in my stubbornness.
“Ha… so this is how it’s going to be, huh? Fine. Since you’ve acted on your own, I’ll do the same. Let’s see who wins in the end.”
“……”
“Don’t regret it later, Bella. You need to know that I, as your mother, have always been looking out for you.”
“Honey… try talking to Bella properly. Even the Empress’s seat isn’t so…”
“It’s bad! If you’re going to talk nonsense, you can pack up and leave, too. How can you be so quick to save yourself in that situation… seriously, none of the people in this house are any help at all!”
With that, the countess stomped out. I peeked from under the blanket, watching her leave, then pulled the covers over my head.
I was going to pretend I couldn’t hear her if she came back to bother me.
Lying there, covered up to escape the countess’s nagging, I eventually drifted off to sleep.
Since I didn’t really have a strict routine, no one woke me. I usually woke up only when I was hungry or when the time came. Today should have been no different.
Or at least, it should have been. Normally, no one would disturb me until I woke up on my own—but today, there was someone.
“Unni! Unni!”
A bright, clear voice.
“Oh, dear. Is Unni dead? It’s way past lunch and you still haven’t gotten up…”
Concerned, the voice’s owner gently pushed my eyelids open with her fingers. And there she was—Sasha, grinning from ear to ear.
“Ah! You’re not dead.”
“Good morning.”
“No, Unni. It’s lunchtime now.”
“Already?”
I opened my eyes wide and looked outside. Indeed, the sun was high in the sky, streaming hot rays into the room.
I stretched my body and sat up.
“Unni, that’s why I was worried. When I left this morning, you were still lying down, and even after coming back from the temple, you were still lying down. That’s why I was worried!”
“Feels nice knowing Sasha’s worried about me.”
I hugged Sasha, who was sitting beside me, then swung my legs over the side of the bed.
“Yes! I have something for you.”
“Something for me?”
Sasha got up and stepped closer, her face glowing with excitement. The timid, fearful girl I once knew was barely visible now. I couldn’t tell if she was pretending to be brave, but it didn’t matter.
“What is it?”
Sasha, with her hair tied high on both sides, tugged my hand. Curious, I opened it—and something fell into my palm with a soft plop.
“What’s this?”
A shapeless object.
“I brought one last time too, but because of Mother, I couldn’t give it to you… This time, I really wanted to give it to Unni, so I waited the whole time. I really wanted to give it to you!”
Sasha removed her hand after saying that.
She had been smiling with joy and anticipation, but when she saw what had fallen into my hand, her face dropped in disappointment.
“Wh-Why does it look like this?”
“Huh?”
“It… it was definitely… definitely pretty…”
Her usually bright eyes filled with tears.
“Sasha, what’s wrong?”
“After I went to the temple… I specially ordered it… they said it was pretty chocolate… I wanted to give it to Unni, so I held it tightly in my hand all the way… but…”
Her voice wobbled, and she looked at the chocolate in my hand as if she might cry at any moment. How could someone be so adorable? She had brought it just to give it to me.
I wondered how tightly she had been holding it, not realizing that its shape had changed.
“Really?”
“But… it turned out ugly.”
“No, it’s pretty. The chocolate probably melted because of how warmly you thought of me, Sasha.”
“I didn’t expect it to melt… it’s so… not pretty…! What should I do?”
“What do you mean what to do? Just eat it! It’ll taste delicious!”
I began tearing the wrapper as if I were about to eat it immediately. Her thoughtfulness was so precious. But then—
“It looks like poop.”
The words froze my mouth. Honestly, I had suspected it looked like that—its shape and color—but I had tried not to think about it until now.
Seeing that, Sasha’s face sank even further.
“Unni can’t eat it either, right?”
“No, I can eat it.”
“But it looks like poop.”
“W-Well! If it’s from Sasha, I can eat even that.”
“Really…? Am I that important to you, Unni?”
Sasha looked at me, touched.
“Of course. You’re so important to me.”
Then I ate the chocolate, which had melted and stretched out from being held so tightly, losing its shape. But despite its appearance, it tasted amazing.
“Wow, it’s delicious.”
“Really?”
“Yeah! You didn’t eat it yourself and brought it to me?”
“Sasha is happy if Unni eats it.”
The child smiled and laughed so happily that it made my heart ache. Giving one heart to her meant receiving ten, no, a hundred hearts in return. That kind of pure innocence is beautiful.
“Next time, let’s go eat something delicious together. Food tastes better when you eat it with someone you like.”
“Yeah! Sasha likes that!”
I gently stroked her head as she cupped her cheeks with her hands.
“Sasha.”
“Yes! Did you already decide when we’re going?”
The child smiled, and I kept thinking about my little sister. My sister had smiled like this too. My sister had been this adorable.
Maybe I was using my small concern that Sasha wouldn’t be used by anyone to cover my own guilt.
Trying to soothe my heart by seeing Sasha grow well. Maybe I was worse than the count and countess. I loved and cherished Sasha, but my feelings weren’t entirely pure.
“Unni?”
“Y-Yes?”
“Your expression looks sad.”
“No, where were we…? Oh, you asked if we had decided where to go, right?”
“Yes!”
Sasha didn’t realize my feelings and nodded eagerly. I forced a smile and nodded with her, not wanting her to worry.
“Rather than saying we’ve decided, it’s more like we now have someone who can fully protect us. I wanted to tell you that.”
“Someone who can fully protect us?”
Sasha tilted her head at my words.
“Not someone who’ll use us like Mom and Dad…?”
“Yes. Someone who won’t use us and will accept us as we are.”
Of course, I might be used, but not Sasha.
“Who?”
“The Emperor.”
“Ah…!”
I was careful not to let my emotions get ahead of me, like last time. Thankfully, Sasha seemed to understand and nodded.
“I see.”
“If anything happens, if something happens to us, we can tell the Emperor.”
“Wow… Unni! Then if something happens, we can send a pigeon like last time!”
“Huh?”
That ‘pigeon assassin’ thing? I probably should have explained it wasn’t necessary, but I couldn’t bring myself to take the joy from Sasha.
“Y-Yes, that.”
“The Emperor liked it too, right? It must have been so pretty! I even made them dance!”
“You mean magic?”
“No! It’s not magic!”
I had assumed it was magical, but apparently not.
“Really…? But there were hundreds of them…”
“I helped some injured pigeons in the garden, and one day they just multiplied!”
“R-Really…?”
“They’re really smart and listen well.”
I had assumed they were magically created for show and then vanished, but apparently not…
So that means the birds flew away on their own…?
“How did you teach them to dance?”
“I danced myself! They can’t read, but there were pictures in a book! Pictures of dancing!”
“Oh… I see.”
“Did I do wrong?”
“No, you did well!”
I hadn’t given Sasha any real education before, so at seven years old, she still couldn’t read or write. I hadn’t even taught her etiquette, so she probably didn’t know what the dance in the picture meant.
When the Emperor mentioned a courting dance, I thought he was being arrogant—but it really could have been a courting dance.
I smiled awkwardly and looked at Sasha again. She was glancing at me, worried she had done something wrong. I quickly changed the subject.
“But Sasha,”
“Hm?”
“You’re not worried that Unni is getting married anymore, right?”
“No! Unni promised to only like Sasha. Since she doesn’t like that person, Sasha’s okay!”
Sasha’s firm words left me momentarily speechless.
“Oh… wait, could it be? Unni… are you going to start liking or loving the Emperor?”
“Absolutely not!”
Finally, my tense expression relaxed.
She had never had anything of her own. To her, I might be the first person she could call her own.
So comes a little obsession. Like a child with separation anxiety, like a child who only wants her mother—Sasha had become that way.
And it wasn’t bad. Children grow in their own way, and Sasha, though a bit late, was growing naturally.
As she gradually gains what is hers, if she is loved and cherished, this little obsession will ease.
“That’s okay then, Sasha!”
“Yes. And the Emperor has allowed Sasha to come with Unni. So let’s prepare, too.”
“Ah…!”
“Of course, Sasha coming with me is our little secret, okay?”
“Our… little secret…!”
Sasha’s eyes sparkled like they were full of stars.
“Sasha…?”
“I’m so happy! Our little secret…! I’ll definitely keep it!”
“Mm-hm!”
Watching Sasha’s pure, bright smile, my anxiety faded. I silently prayed to the God I didn’t believe in, hoping we could leave safely without the count and countess interfering.
If they had any conscience, they would leave us be.
But the gods weren’t exactly on my side.
What I wished for wasn’t much—just a little mercy. Yet something I had hoped never to happen, happened anyway.
Through this, I realized just how formidable the count and countess were.
Today, since Sasha had no errands, I had taken her out for a walk. We headed to a garden not far from the mansion gate—the same place where we had met the Emperor last time.
The place was still poorly maintained, but there wasn’t anywhere else suitable to play.
There were no flowers, and the garden was overgrown, but pulling weeds was fun.
While playing with Sasha, we unexpectedly ran into people I didn’t want to see. I didn’t need to ask—they were immediately recognizable.
