IAMFMFL CH 08

The arms that had suddenly confined me loosened and slipped away.

Wondering why he’d changed his mind, I glanced at him cautiously. Nezar’s gaze had already left me and was directed toward the inside of the reception room, so I followed where his eyes had settled.

In truth, there was no need to search. What he was looking at was the baby’s breath arranged in the vase.

Perhaps because it was the only thing full of life in the otherwise stiff reception room, Nezar’s eyes refused to leave the flowers.

“Have you thought about my proposal?”

As he spoke, Nezar shifted his gaze from the flowers back to me.

By “proposal,” he must have meant that absurd suggestion about introducing me to a princess. Someone who didn’t fit my purpose at all. I had no desire to meet her.

“No. I don’t need a friendship that’s forced. That wouldn’t be a real friend.”

Even I thought it was a logical yet emotional refusal. Perhaps taken aback, Nezar bent down to meet my eyes.

Seeing him like this, even his wind-tousled black hair suited him just as well as when it was neatly combed back. The same went for his face, dirtied by the sandy wind. Right now, Nezar looked less like a crown prince and more like a sword-wielding knight.

He reached out toward me, then hesitated and wiped his hand on his shirt. Instead of his palm, he pressed the back of his hand against my forehead.

What kind of foolish behavior is this? If you’re going to do that, at least wipe the back of your hand.

“Kate, are you really sick somewhere? Why do you keep saying things that don’t sound like you? You used to whine and ask me for help whenever anything happened.”

“I’m fifteen now. I’m not a child anymore.”

At my serious reply, he let out a short laugh.

“Then who was that little girl who clung to my leg, crying and begging me for an engagement contract?”

Nezar slowly withdrew his hand from my forehead. I stood still like a child being punished, watching him. The entire sequence, from pulling his hand away to meeting my eyes, suited him as perfectly as a tailored suit.

And that made me a little afraid. Had my childish insistence caused him trouble? Was that why he kept bringing it up so often?

“Should we pretend it never happened?”

My voice trembled slightly, but I quickly cleared my throat to hide it.

“Ahem. Nezar, if I really don’t suit your taste, then just…”

Nezar gestured with his chin, as if telling me to go on.

“…then we can just pretend it never happened. I’m fine. No matter what kind of rumors spread, I’ll accept them.”

If the engagement were called off, I wouldn’t have to make female friends, memorize the names of noble sons, or practice embroidery. That would be fine, but…

Contrary to my words, the corners of my mouth kept drooping like they were weighed down by heavy stones.

Nezar seemed to have already grasped my gloomy feelings. Narrowing his sharp eyes, he spoke in a pressing tone.

“I told you yesterday as well. You need to take responsibility for the words you say.”

Then he pulled one of my hands into his grasp. It was the same hand he had just wiped on his shirt.

“Kate, can you take responsibility for what you just said?”

Take responsibility? Was he asking if I really meant breaking it off? If I nodded here, would the engagement truly be over?

For me, it would be more than welcome. If I didn’t marry Nezar, I could have children, I wouldn’t have to spend my old age in loneliness… I couldn’t think of every advantage right away, but it felt like there would be many good things.

Having steeled myself, I tried to nod. I didn’t trust my voice, so I planned to force my body to move instead.

Yes, I definitely intended to—

But somehow, Nezar’s hands had already seized both my cheeks, preventing my head from moving up and down.

No, wait. Why ask me and then stop me from nodding?

“Good. Since you’ve confessed you can’t, His Highness Nezar, with a heart as vast as the sea, will let it go as if it never happened. But if you say something like that again, you’ll be in serious trouble. Understood?”

“That’s not fair!”

“Enough. Just nod already.”

At his suddenly cold expression, I hurriedly nodded. Thanks to him loosening his grip, my neck moved smoothly.

Seriously, this is ridiculous. No wonder he’s the crown prince, doing whatever he pleases.

Still crouched to match my height, Nezar soon took my hand and pulled me along. Unlike before, all five of his fingers felt cold. Following his lead, we walked slowly through the quiet, empty corridor.

Nezar didn’t hold my hand tightly.

Whether it was cold or hot, he was always like that. Sometimes it felt less like holding hands and more like simply resting his hand against mine. Even if I squeezed his palm or index finger tightly, trying to guess his reasons, he showed no particular reaction.

So at some point, I was always the one holding Nezar’s hand.

Outside the window, the sky was impossibly blue, and the maple tree growing beside the building had begun turning red from the top. It was a scene that made the arrival of autumn unmistakable.

That looks just like Nezar’s eyes.

As I stared at the reddish tips of the maple leaves, unable to look away, Nezar spoke in a calm, even voice.

“After about five years, do you think the top of your head will reach my shoulder?”

At his words, I lifted my chin to look at him. Though our eyes didn’t meet as he was facing forward, I could tell he was aware of me.

My gaze slowly dropped from his handsome profile. As someone who trained in swordsmanship as a hobby, the subtle movement of his muscles was visible even through his shirt.

The problem was, I couldn’t just tilt my chin slightly—I had to lift it quite noticeably just to see. From my normal line of sight, all I could really see was his firm chest and upper abdomen.

“Are you making fun of me right now? It’s not like you’re going to stop growing either. A runt like me probably won’t reach your shoulder even after a lifetime.”

Saying it out loud made me feel a bit gloomy. Even in my past life, which now felt so distant, I had always been shorter than those around me.

Still, considering my father and brothers’ heights, there was a sliver of hope. Right, height is genetic. I can still grow!

“Why bring that up all of a sudden?”

Did Nezar prefer tall, mature women? It would make sense. He was nineteen, and I was just fifteen, practically glued to the ground in comparison.

Wait, then making friends with girls my age wouldn’t help at all, would it?

My expression crumpled at this sudden obstacle.

It’s fine. Think long-term. I have four years until I turn nineteen… no, four whole years? From today on, I’ll go to bed early and wake up late. That way, maybe time will pass a little faster.

“Thinking about how my Kate will grow so much… it’s a bit of a shame.”

At his words, I shuddered in disgust.

“Ugh, where does this ‘my Kate’ even come from? Lockhard does it, and now you too. Stop putting possessives in front of my name.”

Nezar, who had been walking down the stairs, stopped and looked at me in shock.

“You know the word ‘possessive’? When did you ever open a book?”

That sentence made it very clear what level he thought I was at.

I widened my eyes and flung away the hand I’d been holding.

“I do know it! Anyway, don’t just throw it around. I don’t belong to anyone. I’m my own.”

“What do you mean ‘throw it around’? Do you even know how much you followed me around since you were eight? When you fell and got hurt, I carried you. When you whined about being hungry, I picked wild berries for you. And when it was time to leave, you’d cry and beg me not to go, so there were days I couldn’t even return to the imperial palace—”

“Aaaah! I don’t know, I don’t know! Stop it!”

Covering my ears at my embarrassing past being laid bare, I ran down the stairs.

I dashed boldly across the hall and all the way outside the castle, but I had no idea where Lockhard was. Eventually, I had no choice but to stop my aimless sprint.

When I turned around, I saw Nezar walking toward me leisurely, his hands in his trouser pockets.

Without his jacket or vest, wearing only a tattered shirt, he looked like some delinquent roaming the back alleys. The faint smirk on his face was practically identical to Lockhard’s sly expression.

They say people resemble each other when they’re close. Those two were exactly like that.

“Got it? Kate, I practically raised half of you. And yet you dare talk about not using possessives?”

The garden in front of the knight order headquarters was filled with neatly trimmed trees and wide green lawns, without a single flower in bloom.

As I breathed in the scent of fresh green leaves, Nezar approached. The shadows of the leaves swayed gently across his face.

“Don’t go running around alone and get lost again. Come on, hold my hand.”

With a sulky expression, I took the hand he offered. Just as he said, it wasn’t the first time I’d wandered off and gotten lost in the maze-like garden.

I never wanted to go back to those moments, shivering from cold and hunger while waiting for Nezar.

“But where are we going now? I might know your castle, but I’m not familiar with this place.”

“Your house.”

“I heard you’re busy. Is it really okay for you to take me back?”

At my question, Nezar answered in a flat tone.

“No. I’m taking time out of a tight schedule to do this. So be grateful.”

Honestly, the nerve. Anyone would think I had begged him desperately to come with me.

“Can’t I just go alone?”

“No.”

The refusal was so firm that there was no need to ask further. I turned my gaze forward. Thanks to Nezar matching his pace to my small steps, I didn’t have to catch my breath.

By the time we arrived at Ezelrot, lunchtime had long passed, and the sun was blazing overhead. Since I had skipped my meal, I had to hurry into the castle, almost running from hunger.

But Nezar had no intention of staying. Even when I told him to at least eat before leaving, he firmly refused.

He roughly patted my head, got into his carriage, and left Ezelrot again. I watched the imperial carriage grow smaller and smaller until it became a dot, then quietly turned back into the castle.

A strange mix of fullness and emptiness washed over me, and my mood sank instantly. Until I dipped my feet into the bath, the scent of dust and earth that clung to him refused to leave me.

In a subdued voice, I called for Daisy.

“Daisy, is there a way to think less about someone you like?”

From behind the partition, Daisy, who was tidying the bedroom, replied,

“A way to think about them less? Hmm… I’ve heard that when people are far apart physically, their hearts grow distant too.”

“Far apart? How far?”

“At least two days by carriage, I suppose?”

Two days by carriage… that was enough distance to travel back and forth between the capital and Ezelrot more than ten times.

Disappointed by her suggestion, I sank deeper into the bath until the water reached my chin.

“What about something else?”

“Something else… well, it’s not easy to forget someone you love in the first place. That’s why everyone struggles with it, isn’t it?”

So in other words, just wait quietly until it fades on its own.

That wasn’t helpful to me at all.