Chapter – 10
The young lady sprang up from the seat across from me and came to sit right beside me. Her violet eyes sparkled with curiosity.
“I’ll change the question. If fate is decided by the will of God, then why do humans bear moral responsibility? Pulling out the priests’ hair, pushing a priest down the stairs, breaking temple property—those were all God’s will. So why do I have to suffer such boring punishment?”
“The question you raise has been debated in theology since ancient times. To answer you—saying that fate is determined does not mean that humans lack free will. What you did was not by God’s will, but by your own free will, and you are receiving punishment accordingly.”
“Fine. Let’s say determined fate and human free will can coexist. Then why did our one and only God, Ataras, create evil in this world?”
Every one of her questions struck at a sharp point. In the faith of Ataras, doubt itself was considered a sin, so no one dared voice such questions lightly.
But the young lady was different. She felt no guilt whatsoever about doubting God.
That worried me. What if she said these things in front of someone other than me? As the daughter of the Duke of Krüger, nothing would happen immediately.
But if it happened again and again, the temple would have no choice but to conduct an inquisition. And then—just like what happened to my family…
After pondering my response for a long while, I spoke.
“How can you be so certain that God created evil?”
“Let’s assume I killed someone.”
At my question, she stood up. Then she lifted the quill pen that had been on the desk and thrust it toward my heart—or rather, mimed doing so.
I squeezed my eyes shut at her sudden action. When I opened them, she was smiling as she continued.
“An omnipotent God would have known in advance that I was going to commit murder. And He would have had the power to stop it. Yet He didn’t. Doesn’t that go beyond mere indifference? Couldn’t it be said that God wanted evil?”
She stared straight at me, waiting for my answer.
“…I’m organizing my thoughts. Please, continue.”
To be honest, this was almost my first time engaging in a debate like this—aside from a brief conversation I once had with my father when I was young.
Back then, I was far too young to have a proper debate.
Listening to her felt like walking on thin ice. At the same time, it was strangely fascinating.
I felt guilty, as though I were committing a sin, yet I found myself captivated by her words. She continued in an excited voice.
“When I studied abroad in the Rehlin Empire, there was freedom of religion. A theologian who came to lecture at the academy once said this: ‘You claim your God is full of love and power. Then you must explain why an innocent little girl was run over by a carriage and killed instantly—and why God did not stop it.’”
“Perhaps God created evil out of necessity. Evil sometimes gives humans opportunities to show kindness, or to gain wisdom.”
“Then by your logic, you’re agreeing with me. God wanted evil for the sake of human goodness. But can we really call such a God good? Is Ataras truly the sole absolute good in this world? To begin with…”
She slowly drew in a breath. Her violet eyes trembled sadly.
“Does God truly love humanity?”
Yes. He does. God has embraced humanity with love.
That was what I should have answered confidently. Yet my mouth would not move. The words rose to my throat, but for some reason I couldn’t speak. Memories from the past surfaced in my mind.
Do you really receive God’s love?
It was as though my childhood self was asking me that question. I tried to ignore him.
Even so—regardless of how I felt—I sensed that I should not say such words to her. I didn’t know why. It was nothing more than intuition.
She cupped my cheeks with both hands and brought her face close to mine. Her red hair brushed against my skin.
“You said God gave us free will—but can free will given by God truly be called free? Johann, do you have free will? Can you be certain of that?”
“…Of course I can be certain. I possess the free will God gave me. Just as property inherited from the Duke becomes yours, the free will given by God is wholly my own.”
That much was sincere. I had lived my life always believing I possessed free will.
She didn’t respond for a while. She stared intently into my yellow eyes, as if trying to dig something out of me.
There should be nothing in there but faith in God. What was she hoping for? What was she trying to find within me?
“So you’re that confident. How… foolish humans are.”
Lady Salome released her grip on my face. Her hollow smile felt like it was digging into my chest. She returned to her seat.
“Let’s stop this meaningless debate. I’ll finish this boring task, so you read your book, Priest. I won’t bother you.”
She picked up the quill she had thrown aside and silently resumed copying the scriptures. I pressed my fingers to my forehead.
Sometimes she wore the face of someone who had given up on everything. Every time she resigned herself like this, I never knew how to react. Leaving her alone might be best—but that could also lead to something far worse.
She was like a storm given human form. After showing such a calm before the storm, she always caused trouble.
After some thought, I spoke to divert her attention.
“Lady Salome, are you free on Saturday?”
“Ah, I don’t like this hat. Another one.”
“My lady, aren’t you tired? This is already the eighth shop we’ve visited.”
“Oh my, why say that? You were the one who suggested going out together first, Priest—no, Johann.”
She spun around in front of the mirror, tilting the hat on her head and then straightening it again.
Apparently dissatisfied with her reflection, she asked the clerk to bring another hat. When the clerk brought a flamboyant pale-pink hat, she finally smiled in satisfaction.
She turned toward me and smiled brightly. I averted my gaze. I truly didn’t want to admit it, but she was so beautiful it felt blinding.
To celebrate safely finishing her time in the archives and her copying work, I had gone out with her. She teased that it was a date, but I had no such intention. I simply judged that if I kept someone this unpredictable confined within the temple, she might explode—so regular outings were necessary.
To avoid misunderstandings, I decided to hide the fact that I was a priest while we were outside.
I didn’t particularly enjoy wandering around, so I let her lead us wherever she wanted.
We first stopped by a clothing shop. Then a shoe store, a hat shop… and now, at the eighth store, we were still choosing clothes and hats.
At first I humored her while she picked outfits, but even that had its limits. Every dress and hat looked the same to me.
“My lady, how about this dress? It’s the most fashionable style in the capital right now.”
The clerk presented a light green off-shoulder dress. At a glance, it looked extremely expensive—silk fabric adorned densely with lace and pearls.
She studied the flowing dress and immediately declared she liked it and would buy it. By coincidence, it fit her perfectly, so no alterations were needed.
“Do you have scissors? If you do, lend them to me for a moment.”
Out of nowhere, she asked the clerk for scissors. The clerk looked puzzled but cautiously handed them over. Without hesitation, she began cutting the dress. The clerk’s face went deathly pale.
I stood there in shock, doing nothing but watching. Pieces of the dress fluttered through the air. She laughed as she tore it apart like paper.
“I don’t care about trends. I hate doing what everyone else does. So a dress like this is better off not existing.”
She gently placed the remaining scraps of the dress into the clerk’s hands. Though she was smiling, it looked like the kind of smile that said, Give me something like this again and you won’t walk away unscathed.
I sighed and pressed my fingers to my forehead. Lady Salome had done something insane again. I wasn’t even surprised anymore—and I hated myself for that.
“Johann, let’s go.”
Leaving the stunned clerk behind, she walked out of the shop.
