Chapter 85……………………………
I carefully pulled away so I could hear his answer.
Was his eyes wide? Or was he unable to close his mouth? I pondered the answer alone in my head, and it turned out there were multiple correct ones.
Both his eyes and mouth were wider than usual as he asked with a face full of tension.
“Can I do it? Not even a toast, but a speech? And in a time of war?”
Judging by how he was firing off questions, he must have been flustered.
“The imperial citizens are trembling with anxiety. If the diplomatic ambassador gives an official speech, a lot of people will feel reassured.”
“I…”
It had been a long time since he hadn’t immediately accepted my request. Of course he’d be taken aback. At most, he had been thinking of giving a congratulatory remark at some provincial harvest festival—yet suddenly, it was a wartime encouragement speech.
Still, rather than searching for excuses to refuse, he seemed to be seriously considering it. I tightly held his hand, hoping my certainty would be conveyed through it.
“I’ll be by your side. Until the very end.”
The end. So that it could become the last gift I give you. So that even without me, you’ll still be able to step onto the stage.
Words I couldn’t say to him, I swallowed alone inside my heart.
I wanted him to find courage. With earnest hope, I waited for his answer.
“…Alright.”
Thanks to his acceptance, a bright smile spread across my face. He, too, smiled faintly.
“What were you two talking about, exchanging such heated looks?”
Noah strode into the drawing room with an easy grin. Luna followed behind him, looking noticeably more at ease. It seemed Noah’s comfort had worked. Her face was still shadowed, but her demeanor was far calmer.
“Your Highness, as the diplomatic ambassador, I intend to give a speech to encourage the imperial citizens during this war.”
Noah looked deeply startled by Peredil’s declaration, delivered without warning.
“Duke Seymour, is that not too much? Of course it would be welcome if you did so, but there’s no need to push yourself. I do remember you successfully gave a toast, but a wartime speech is usually held in the plaza, with the attention of countless imperial citizens focused on you. I don’t want to burden you unnecessarily.”
“Even if it’s difficult, I want to do it. No—I will.”
The worry vanished from Noah’s face as he glimpsed Peredil’s resolve. Instead, he smiled brightly and said to me,
“Miss Joyce, I’ll be counting on you.”
Did he know I was teaching him? Well, he was an imperial prince—of course he would know that much. I answered confidently to his expectation.
“Yes, Your Highness!”
The next day, Noah declared war against the Kingdom of Casca in the plaza in Theo’s place.
The emperor’s funeral had only been held a few days ago, and now war. The capital’s uproar was hardly an overreaction.
Imperial citizens wiped away tears, worried about relatives in Leon. Others trembled with fear that bloodshed might soon sweep through the capital itself.
To calm the people as quickly as possible, Peredil and I began our special training. We were given barely two days to practice. A longer preparation would have been ideal, but we couldn’t deliver encouragement too late.
Thanks to Noah’s consideration, Peredil was excused from his duties during the training period. Peredil said Noah was more capable with administrative work than expected. I had thought such tasks wouldn’t suit him at all, but it was surprising.
One full day was devoted entirely to preparing the speech.
While swords clashed swiftly on the battlefield, he wielded his own blade. Pen in hand, he poured words onto paper in sweeping strokes. He wrote and rewrote endlessly; hundreds of discarded pages lay strewn across the floor.
After agonizing over it again and again, he completed the speech.
Only when dawn broke did the weapon change from pen to voice. He cleared his throat as if sharpening a blade, then thrust his voice forward as though swinging it. This time, I stood beside him as his steadfast ally.
Even hours of practice in the office prepared for him in the imperial palace weren’t enough, so we moved to the Seymour estate. Even after arriving, we couldn’t rest and immediately resumed training.
“Close your eyes and imagine yourself stepping onto the stage. What comes to mind? Made-up fantasies or buried memories are fine. Tell me what appears in your head.”
“When I was young, I stood on stage and couldn’t say a word. The audience’s expressions stiffened moment by moment. In the end, I couldn’t utter a single thing, and people left, unable to hide their disappointment.”
“And then?”
“My father, furious, strides up onto the stage and strikes me across the head. He says I’m useless, that he’ll cast me aside. Then I cling to his leg, begging him not to abandon me, pleading that I’ll prove myself, that he should believe in me. But he says I’ll never be able to stand on stage again, kicks me away, and leaves. I’m collapsed on the stage, watching his back grow distant.”
Tears spilled from his tightly shut eyes.
“Is this one of your past memories, Duke?”
He nodded silently. The tears continued to fall.
“Stand up on the stage. The one collapsed there is the Duke of now. So rise, and speak to your father’s back. Say whatever you want. Anything is fine. Don’t hold it in—let it out.”
“I… can…”
The words wouldn’t come easily, his voice caught in his throat. With a pained expression, he struggled. Just a little more. Just a little more strength, and he could do it.
“Let it out! Shout!”
“I… can do it! I’ve stood on the stage! Father was wrong!”
Eyes squeezed shut, he poured out the swelling rage violently. Emotions that had grown uncontrollable surged fiercely, filling the room.
Even as his throat tightened, he forced his voice out again.
“I will stand on the stage from now on! No matter what Father thinks, I don’t care anymore. So don’t ever step onto my stage again.”
He sank to the floor, releasing long-buried feelings for a long time. His father would no longer climb onto his stage with him.
The fundamental reason he had always become rigid on stage—the lingering shadow of his father—had ruined him time and again. Now that he had been given a chance to release that knot within him, I thought tomorrow’s speech would go wonderfully.
No—tomorrow, and even beyond.
The day’s work was done, and it was time to go home. Suddenly lightning flashed, and thunder roared. Soon a storm began to rage.
“I… should stay the night, right?”
“Of course. It’s dangerous. In weather like this, a carriage can’t even travel.”
“Then I… will take the guest room…”
The moment he heard “guest room,” his expression twisted.
“On the first night my lover stays over, you want me to make you sleep in the guest room?”
Even I thought it sounded ridiculous. With a perfectly good wide bed, there was no reason to insist on a guest room.
But I didn’t want things to progress further with Peredil. What if something happened while sleeping in the same room? Still… with the speech tomorrow morning, surely it wouldn’t…
When I came back to my senses after letting my thoughts drift, I was already lying in the same bed as him. When had I even changed into pajamas?
Thinking back, it was absurd. The moment the storm struck, Susan had brought sleepwear as if she’d prepared in advance.
She proudly went on about how she’d always dreamed of me being suddenly stranded at Seymour, so she’d stocked pajamas ahead of time. Should I be grateful, or terrified? Susan was cheerful and cute, but somehow I missed my maid Emily.
Anyway, that was how I ended up in the same bed as Peredil.
My eyes were wide open. Even after counting a thousand sheep, sleep wouldn’t come.
No… am I the only one this conscious of it?
Keeping my head still, I shifted only my eyes sideways. He had his eyes closed.
So it really is just me…
Not wanting him to notice I was awake, I turned onto my side. At the sound, I felt Peredil flinch. He didn’t show it openly, but the faint movement made it clear he was awake too.
“Joyce.”
His voice came from behind, as if he’d failed to force himself to sleep.
“Yes?”
“Tell me something only I know. How did you come to act?”
The reason I started acting…?
“Because I just like acting.”
“That’s all? Then why do you like it?”
“Idiot.”
“What?”
Even without looking, I could feel him bristle at the word.
“Does everything have to have a reason? Feelings don’t come with reasons. No matter how much you try to control them, they won’t be controlled. Even if you try to stop, you keep doing it. The more you deny it, the stronger it pulls you in. It makes you act however it wants. You know it isn’t right, but you do it anyway—like that.”
“Do I have the right to feel emotions too? Is it okay for me to do that?”
“You don’t need any right for that. If you want to… you can.”
In an instant, my body that had been facing sideways was turned up toward the ceiling.
No—it wasn’t the ceiling.
I saw his face, trapping me between his legs.
Heat and excitement poured from him. Breathing short and deep, he never took his eyes off me.
His hand rose to the tie of my robe, barely holding against my bare skin, and he asked in a low voice—
“Is it really okay?”
