~Chapter 36~
Raphaella had actually wanted to cry and beg her mom to take her along.
Or lie on the floor and cling to her so she wouldn’t leave.
But Mom’s going to find herbs to help treat Aunt Penelope…
Raphaella didn’t want her mom to feel bad or troubled because of her.
I hate it when Mom’s sad or hurting.
Since sometime last year, Raphaella had noticed a change in her mom.
She’d often wake up late and stare at Raphaella with sad eyes.
She worried a lot more, and it made Raphaella’s heartache.
Is it my fault she’s sad?
Raphaella would often get down thinking that maybe she was the reason.
I just want to see her smiling like she used to…
Not knowing why her mom looked so sad, Raphaella sometimes even felt angry.
She was just a kid, but she decided there was one thing she could do for her mom—
Stay strong and cheerful, so Mom wouldn’t have to worry.
I’ve always got Mom, so no matter what, I’ll be okay.
If she could chase away Mom’s sadness and worries, she’d do it.
So even during the time they were apart, Raphaella was determined to stay brave.
And for the two days without her mom, she did exactly that—She got along with her dad, her grandma, Aunt Penelope, and the maids.
Everyone at the Duke’s estate thought she was amazing.
If Mom sees how well I’m doing, she’ll be happy too, right?
But in truth, Raphaella wasn’t being strong—She was just enduring it.
She was holding it all in for her mom, who would be really sad if she found out Raphaella had been struggling.
Seeing her dad every morning and night brought her a little comfort.
But it wasn’t enough to replace the deep sense of safety she only felt with her mom.
Even so, Raphaella kept trying her best… until the second night.
After saying goodnight to Johann and falling asleep, she had a terrible nightmare.
In the dream, her mom appeared—just as she’d been missing her.
At first, Raphaella was thrilled.
It’s Mom! I’m with Mom again!
But her mom looked very thin and tired as she held Raphaella’s hand and led her somewhere.
It all felt strangely familiar.
Because Raphaella had had a similar dream last year.
Back then, dream-Mom took her from the cabin on Mount Lorem to the Duke’s mansion.
Everything had felt so real.
But after arriving at the mansion, the dream changed.
The next day, her mom left her behind and went away.
Mom? Where are you going? Why are you leaving me?
Raphaella cried and begged her to take her along, but Mom said she couldn’t.
“Raphaella, you have to be brave, okay?”
“Mom, take me with you. I want to go too!”
“…You can’t, Rafi. This is your home now.”
“Are you leaving me because I was bad?”
“No, sweetie. I’ll always love you.”
“…Then why are you leaving me?”
“Because I can’t be with you anymore. I’m sorry, Rafi.”
Her mom’s eyes were so full of pain and sadness that Raphaella couldn’t keep begging.
She dropped to the ground, crying as she watched her mom walk away—And then she woke up.
“…Hic.”
It was just a dream…
She felt the softness of the bed under her and let out a deep breath.
It was still dark outside—probably early morning.
Her pajamas were soaked with sweat from the nightmare.
“…M-Mom. Mommy…”
She didn’t want to wake up Pola, who was probably sleeping in the next room,
So she just cried quietly to herself.
The dream had felt so real that she wanted to see her mom right away.
Still sniffling, she got out of bed to look for a mirror.
Mom said our eyes are connected…
She wanted to see their matching emerald-green eyes.
But it was hard for a little kid to find a mirror in the dark.
In the end, she couldn’t find one and crawled back into bed.
I can’t see her… she’s nowhere. Mommy… Mommy…
She cried until Pola came in and found her.
Morning came.
“Oh my goodness, my lady!”
Pola rushed over the moment she entered Raphaella’s room.
She had seemed totally fine the night before—But now her whole body was soaked with cold sweat, and her face was burning hot.
“…Mommy… Mommy…”
Even in a feverish daze, Raphaella mumbled for her mom through tears.
Pola’s eyes welled up too.
The little lady had only been pretending to be okay.
She’d actually been suffering without her mom the whole time.
And I didn’t even notice… I thought she was doing fine.
Pola rang the bell and told Helen to stay with Raphaella,
Then ran out and grabbed a passing servant, ordering him to bring the healer from the annex immediately.
The servant ran off, and Pola rushed downstairs to tell Johann what was happening.
—
“Why is she suddenly sick when she was perfectly fine yesterday?”
Johann ran to Raphaella’s room with long strides, Pola right behind him.
He snapped at the healer who’d just arrived,
But the man was still catching his breath and quickly started checking on Raphaella instead of answering.
Johann stood beside them, watching his daughter suffer through her fever.
Her face was bright red, and he clenched his fists in frustration.
Suddenly, his head throbbed and a memory popped into his mind.
“Leah, I think Raphaella’s got a fever.”
“Hmm… this is just a mild one. It’s okay.”
“This is okay?”
“Yeah, I used to help take care of the village kids. She’s still a baby.”
“Still…”
“If it doesn’t go away soon, we’ll give her some fever medicine.”
He saw a much younger Leah and a baby Raphaella in the memory.
…What is this memory?
Even though it was faint, he could clearly feel how worried he’d been back then.
“Your Grace?”
“…Go on.”
Snapped out of his thoughts by the healer’s voice, Johann answered.
“Thankfully, there’s no serious condition—”
“She’s burning up. How can there be no condition?”
Johann cut him off sharply.
“I believe it’s… due to emotional stress.”
The healer reminded himself, He’s my employer.
Be polite.
“It seems her body is reacting to the emotional impact of Lady Leah’s absence.”
“But she was fine just last night…”
“She’s only seven, Your Grace—even if she seems mature.”
“…Hah.”
Johann suddenly wanted to punch himself.
He’d told Leah confidently not to worry about Raphaella.
But he’d completely missed the signs that his daughter had been holding everything in.
Just because she looked fine, he assumed she was fine.
That sadness he’d seen in her eyes the night before hadn’t been his imagination.
I should’ve asked her about it instead of brushing it off.
“I can reduce the fever a bit with healing magic. Don’t worry.”
“Please do.”
“Magic alone won’t be enough—we’ll need to give her fever medicine and have her rest for a while.”
“Got it.”
“…She needs to recover both physically and emotionally, or the fever might come back.”
In other words, Johann had to fill the role Leah usually played to help Raphaella feel secure.
I’m not sure I can do it… but I promised. And I don’t want her getting sick again.
So he decided he’d do everything he could to comfort his daughter.
After casting healing magic to bring the fever down, the healer went to get medicine.
Pola and Helen wiped Raphaella down with warm towels and changed her into fresh pajamas.
“…Mommy… Mommy…”
The magic helped with her fever,
But it couldn’t heal her broken heart. She kept calling out for her mom.
“I’ll take care of her. You can all leave now.”
“Yes, Your Grace.”
Pola and Helen looked a bit surprised, but they quietly left.
They went downstairs to the kitchen to bring back some warm oatmeal for Raphaella.
“Samuel, cancel everything on my schedule today.”
“Yes, sir.”
Just then, Isabella entered the room with the healer and the medicine.
“Is she okay now?”
“She’ll need a few more healing sessions, but she’ll be fine, Madam,” the healer answered for Johann.
“Thank goodness… Still, such a young child getting sick from heartbreak…”
She gently stroked Raphaella’s sweat-dampened hair.
The healer said he’d return later in the afternoon and again in the evening, then left the medicine.
“…I really thought she was okay,” Johann muttered.
“Johann.”
“I told Leah not to worry—and now look at me.”
He sat beside his daughter, watching her breathe with little wheezes.
“I thought pretending to be a parent was good enough… but it’s not.”
Isabella silently patted his shoulder.
“Mother… I know it might sound strange coming from me now,But I want to be—not a perfect father—but at least a decent parent to Raphaella.”
.
