CHAPTER 57
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to worry you. I didn’t think you’d still be here.”
“I was waiting for the rain to let up before heading out.”
“I’m glad. It means I get to see your face a little longer.”
Alperen brushed my cheek lightly with a faint smile.
After a long silence, he asked in a low voice,
“Doesn’t this bother you? Coming here all the time?”
His voice was dry, like brittle earth.
Today especially, there was a heavy gloom on his face, as if he were hesitating.
He must be wondering whether to stop prolonging his father’s life.
It had already been six long years of this exhausting vigil.
In the first year after the duke collapsed, Alperen had visited every single day. But since last year, his visits had grown fewer and farther between.
‘Now that I think of it… last time, even though he knew I was in the annex, he stayed in the main house and didn’t come.’
I had brushed it off then.
‘Maybe it really has become too painful for him, looking at his father like this.’
Even the strongest person can wear down under endless waiting.
According to Eden, their stockpile of holy water would run out by winter.
And Alperen had already halved his own supply, pushing his body dangerously.
‘Will he end up letting his father go, like in the original story?’
Summer’s arrival wasn’t far off now. If nothing interfered, Duke Daven’s death would come naturally.
But was that really okay?
The memory of Alperen grieving bitterly over his father in the novel twisted my chest with sorrow.
‘At the very least, he should be able to say a proper goodbye.’
Even if he couldn’t save his father, I didn’t want Alperen to live with regrets.
Not hiding his emotions and pretending to be indifferent, but being able to face his feelings honestly.
So I stood beside him and said softly,
“Not really. Lord Daven’s like you—just seeing his face is enough to keep things from ever being boring.”
“I guess I do take after him.”
Alperen gave a dry smile and turned his gaze away from Daven to look at me instead.
The sight of the woman before him made him want to finally let out the feelings he had never shown anyone.
Yes. It must be the rain making him like this.
He turned his gaze to the window.
Outside, the steady drizzle filled the silence. Inside, pale light spilled across the three of us.
His blue eyes were calmer than ever as he spoke.
“It was raining that day too. The day the knights returned from victory—but their faces weren’t joyful. I think I already sensed it then. That maybe the moment Father told me to be strong for was… this one.”
Six years ago, when he saw his father lying like a corpse—
Alperen hadn’t even had time to grieve before he was forced to take up the role of acting duke.
He had sealed the corrupted ice dragon’s remains in the Tower and received the emperor’s commendation in his father’s place.
“It’s truly unfortunate about the duke. If it’s holy water you need, I’ll lend you as much as you like. Please spare no effort in ensuring his recovery.”
It had sounded like concern for a loyal subject, but the emperor’s words carried political calculation.
It was the perfect excuse to bind the young Tower Master who had inherited a dukedom at just eighteen.
Even knowing it was a poisoned apple, Alperen had accepted it—because he still hoped his father would return.
But with every passing year, that hope grew heavier.
It wasn’t the provocations of rivals, or the emperor’s pressure, or the Tower magicians’ troubles that wore him down.
It was the endless, unreachable hope—always retreating just as he drew closer.
A father’s fragile body, so brittle it felt like it would crumble the moment he let go.
For the dying, death might be a natural release. But for the living, it became regret, hope, and curse all in one.
“In that position, showing weakness only made others bite harder. Strong or weak didn’t matter—you could only ever show strength.”
“Ren…”
“The only time I could allow myself to be weak was when I was with you.”
Alperen’s roughened hand brushed my cheek.
His gaze was sharp as shattered glass—like he would never, ever let me slip away.
“I feel… strangely uneasy.”
As if you’ll abandon me any moment.
Disappear without leaving even regret behind, just like Father.
Leave me chasing an unreachable hope once again.
That’s always been the way with the things I care for most.
They say goodbye without warning, then vanish.
The rain only made the gloomy thoughts in his heart heavier.
I simply looked at him quietly.
“What makes you so uneasy?”
“Because I want to give up, but I can’t. Because I want to hate my father, but I can’t fully do that either.”
Because I like you too much, but it feels like I shouldn’t…
But he couldn’t bring himself to say that last part aloud.
With a pained frown, he dropped his gaze.
At that moment, I reached out, cupping his face in both hands and tilting it back toward me.
Now I could see the green eyes that always looked at me so warmly.
They were solid and grounding, like a beautiful tree standing tall in a meadow.
I smiled.
“That’s the proof you’re alive, Oppa.”
So pretty it made his heart ache.
“…”
And just like that, the storm cloud in his head scattered as if it had never been there.
While I chased away the darkness, he could only stare blankly at the delicate figure in front of him.
“Today you might hate, tomorrow you might miss. Yesterday you might have loved, today you might not. People are fickle and complicated. That’s why, even when you hate, you can’t help but love in the end.”
What, you didn’t know that? Fool.
My playful whisper made him laugh faintly.
Rodelia was always like this—saying exactly what he needed to hear, then smiling so prettily afterward.
Ah… I can’t stand it anymore.
Without thinking, Alperen pulled me into his arms.
Because of our fake-dating act, I no longer pushed him away.
Instead, I even wrapped my arms around his waist in return. And that was what broke his restraint completely.
Clutching my small body desperately, he murmured,
“Will you stay with me tonight?”
The kind of romantic line a lover could say so easily.
But never had I heard it spoken with such painful sincerity.
I just stared up at him, dazed.
He had dropped such a bomb, yet his face held no anticipation—only resignation.
It wasn’t a request expecting an answer. It was a weary sigh, full of fatigue.
Normally, I would have brushed it off with a joke: “Oppa, I have a 9 p.m. curfew, you know.”
But looking at his expression now… how could I reject him?
Anyone could see he desperately needed comfort. And who else could give it to him, if not me?
“…Alright. I’ll stay.”
At my reply, Alperen let out a long, trembling breath and smiled.
Her answer was so sweet, so sincere, it nearly undid him.
But he knew—it wasn’t a confession. It was just a literal, surface-level agreement.
“Haha… you’re supposed to say no at times like this, Deli.”
“I meant it, though.”
“You can’t say things like that carelessly.”
Gently, Alperen set me back, pulling me out of his embrace.
Suddenly, I was out of his arms again.
His words were those of a responsible adult, but his eyes were still clinging to me with unshakable longing.
Watching him regret the rejection immediately, I couldn’t help but mutter,
“Coward.”
If he’d just pretended not to resist, I really would have stayed.
Instead, he put on the face of a serious adult, when inside he was as anxious as a lost, rain-soaked puppy.
He had mourned so bitterly over his father’s face—
And now, he was terrified that even I would abandon him too.
“…Yes. I am a coward.”
Even when I had promised to stay, all he could do was smile foolishly.
Then he pinched my cheek lightly.
Treated like a little sister, I scowled and muttered coldly,
“You’re the one who asked me to be your practice partner, remember?”
“That hasn’t changed. But…”
“But?”
“…The meaning of my request and the meaning of your answer aren’t the same. That’s why it won’t work.”
