Chapter 45

It felt like my heart dropped a full inch.

If it wasn’t a misunderstanding, then what should we do? If you seeing me as a woman isn’t a mistake, and me seeing you as a man isn’t a mistake, what are we supposed to do?

“…I should say it’s a misunderstanding, right?”

“How would you know what’s in my heart?”

“Why wouldn’t I know you? We’ve known each other for 29 years. Our lives have been intertwined, how could I not know?”

“Oh, you don’t know. You didn’t know all this time.”

Our argument, as always, seemed to devolve into childish semantics.

“What didn’t I know?”

“My feelings.”

“Your feelings? What about them?”

“How I see you, what I think about you, how… I want you.”

Her words weren’t just childish bickering anymore. Seonghun’s words had slipped out, and they carried a fear beyond any shock.

Wanting her. The moment she understood what he wanted, she felt like she might crumble.

“If you want me as more than a friend… anything, FWB or whatever… forget it. I’m not listening. I’m not even going to entertain it.”

“I like you.”

Thud.

Thud. Thud. Thud.

Her heartbeat pounded so strongly it felt like it would burst through her head.

He had said the one thing she had feared hearing.

His words had pierced her ears, and her heart echoed with the sound.

If she wasn’t mistaken, was he confessing to her right now?

“It’s a misunderstanding.”

“I like you, Gam Jeongyeon.”

She was completely lost, staring blankly into Seonghun’s eyes.

This wasn’t a joke. It wasn’t a light impulse. It wasn’t some temporary misunderstanding either.

But still…

“It’s a misunderstanding.”

She had to deny it. The storm that would follow was a disaster she couldn’t handle.

“A misunderstanding… ha.”

It felt like screaming at a broken wall—useless. Seonghun sighed, as if resigned to the impossibility of it all.

But his words didn’t stop, as if they couldn’t be stopped.

“I’ve had this misunderstanding since high school. It was summer. You were sick. I sat next to you, watching you sleep in class. I wanted to touch your hair. Then you opened your eyes, and I could feel my heart beating. I could feel it.”

“….”

“Before that, I’d only feel my heart beat if I sprinted 100 meters. But that day, I was just sitting there, and it felt like I had run 100 meters. My breath was short. That was how it started. And it’s been like that, off and on, for more than 10 years.”

“….”

“Can you misunderstand something for that long? If you misunderstand something for that long… doesn’t it just become real?”

Her thoughts seemed to come to a sudden halt.

Seonghun’s words, just now, felt like a coded message that didn’t make sense at first, like a Morse code that couldn’t be deciphered.

So, he had been… misunderstanding her since high school? No, he had been liking her for all these years?

The emotions that started to rise from deep within her chest were overwhelming.

Was it sadness? Pity? Regret?

His heart had ached for her. He had longed for her. Thinking of how he had carried those feelings all this time made her chest tighten.

Had their friendship been love for him?

Had the fluttering feelings she had recently experienced been something he had carried for years?

Why hadn’t she realized this? The thought of her own ignorance filled her with sorrow.

But she couldn’t just rush into anything. The same reason he had kept his feelings hidden for so long—that same stubbornness told her this relationship couldn’t be recklessly destroyed.

“Seonghun…”

Why was she feeling so overwhelmed? She wanted to cry. The tears seemed to rise from deep inside her chest.

Was it the waves in her eyes, or tears? She didn’t know. It felt like she might burst.

“Seonghun.”

“…Say it.”

“No. You know it’s not possible, right? Even knowing that… you confessed to me, didn’t you? To get rid of your buried feelings, so you could move on. So you could meet someone else. Right? Why did you confess? I want to resent you for it, but I won’t. If I did, that would be selfish, wouldn’t it? Wanting to stay friends is my selfishness.”

She didn’t want to resent Seonghun. She didn’t want to shout at him for deceiving her for over 10 years, or for ruining their friendship now.

Sometimes, their friendship had meant more to her than anything, and she didn’t want to hurt that.

But Seonghun immediately corrected her thinking.

“You misunderstood. My confession wasn’t to bring things to an end. It was to bring something new to life.”

“How can you start when the end is already clear?”

“Why is the end what you see?”

“Are you going to marry me? Or do you think we could live together as lovers forever? I can’t. And if you think about marriage, I’m even more unsure. Do you think your family would accept us? I was just about to get married, you know.”

She let out a deep sigh, reflecting on her current situation.

“Your aunt, your mother—they saw me date and break off an engagement. And now, suddenly, you want me to date your son again? Just recently, she was showing me pictures of blind dates she was setting up for you.”

“…”

“Ha. Your aunt is one thing, but what about your father? You know better than anyone how he’d react.”

“Forget about my background, my environment. What about your feelings? How do you feel about me?”

“A misunderstanding. Yeah, I saw you as a man. My heart raced. I was excited. When we were together, it felt good. It was like a young girl having her first crush, the excitement of forbidden love. But… it was just a fleeting misunderstanding. My body enjoyed it, so my heart followed. It was only a moment. You weren’t my first, so I understand the tricks hormones can play.”

“Hormonal tricks… That’s all I needed to hear. Even if it was just for a moment, I felt you as a man. My moment was back in high school, but yours is now.”

That moment wasn’t a misunderstanding. It was an awakening.

His eyes had always followed her, and his heart had been hers for a long time.

The start of it was probably long before she could ever guess.

But the start didn’t matter. Once you began to realize it, your heart would overflow uncontrollably.

“So, forget the background, forget the environment, and just focus on the heart? You know how I’ve lived, right? My background, my environment— I can’t just escape that. I became the breadwinner the moment I started working. And with that came a more desperate desire.”

“…”

“A family. I wanted to build my own family, to feel stable. That’s why I was ready to marry so recklessly. But… no, that’s not what’s important right now… I can’t be with you, not with your aunt looking on.”

She rambled on, listing reasons, but the image that haunted her mind was her aunt’s face.

Her aunt had always been so supportive of her marriage. How would she feel now, seeing her so suddenly entangled with her son?

Most of all, for her aunt, living in her husband’s shadow, the thought of her son’s partner being her—it would be devastating.

In the end, the future with you was clear. There’s nothing we can build together.

Even Goh Dohun had been waiting for this moment to destroy her once she got involved with Seonghun.

Seonghun listened to her carefully, then answered nonchalantly.

“The problem is, you see my background and environment.”

“Exactly. All I see is your background and environment. You’re a top star in South Korea. The most popular actor. How many ads are you in? I’ve seen more than ten myself. You have filming, premieres, openings lined up.”

“…”

“How can I stand in your way? You’re at the peak of your career. If you get tangled up with me… your life might spiral down.”

Jeongyeon’s concerns weren’t unfounded.

Just like she worried about him, Seonghun must also worry about how her background and career might affect him. If her life was ruined, she couldn’t take that risk.

But right now, all she wanted to see was his heart. Could his heart be hers?

“Forget all of that. What about your feelings? How do you feel about me?”

“I can’t forget it. My feelings for you? It’s all reality. Whether I like it or not doesn’t matter.”

“Then, what are we going to do now? Do you want to go back to being friends? That’s already impossible. You know I’m crazy about you.”