Chapter 44
Seeing that expression on her face, I lowered my eyes.
‘So… it’s a no, huh.’
Well, that happens.
Being someone who gives up quickly, I slowly rose from my seat. I was about to bow my head to say goodbye when—
“Wait a moment.”
Vivian suddenly cut me off mid-greeting. I looked back at her. Fidgeting with her fingers, she spoke in a small voice.
“I’ll come to the garden at this time tomorrow. What should I bring for materials?”
She was saying she wanted to learn.
Before I knew it, a bright smile spread across my face.
Vivian came the next day, just as she promised.
I had already prepared some yarn and needles, waiting for her, and eagerly began to explain.
“For beginners, I recommend a scarf. You just need to knit plain stitches. Of course, it looks prettier if you add a pattern.”
I started with the same basic scarf-knitting explanation I once gave to Dante and Rowan.
“This one’s sock yarn. It’s warmer when it’s done. But if you want to make flower patterns, this thinner and tighter thread works better. The expensive one is alpaca yarn—but if you use that, your scarf will be super warm.”
I also told her about the different kinds of yarn I had.
Anyone else might’ve been overwhelmed by the sudden flood of information, but Vivian listened attentively, nodding seriously.
“There are so many kinds of yarn.”
“Shall we go choose some together next time? I’m curious if there are any new types.”
“Ah…”
At my suggestion, Vivian’s expression clouded.
‘So that’s not possible.’
Her emotions always showed plainly on her face.
Not wanting to make her uncomfortable, I quickly changed the subject.
“Since we’re just practicing now, you don’t have to worry too much about the yarn type. Our goal is to make a crochet doll—so shall we try using a crochet hook?”
I had taught Dante with knitting needles, but for Vivian, I recommended crochet. I handed her a hook—shaped much like a pencil—and slipped the yarn through it.
About thirty minutes later…
“Wow…”
Vivian had already mastered crocheting. Her hands moved confidently, and she had already completed several rows.
I was genuinely impressed.
“Vivian, you have a natural talent for this!”
At my words, she tilted her chin up proudly and said in a haughty tone,
“Well, I am good at picking things up quickly.”
I couldn’t say for sure about other things, but when it came to crocheting, she was absolutely right.
“I mean it. I think you’re the fastest learner I’ve ever taught.”
If even a little bit of this talent had gone to Dante, he wouldn’t be so bad at knitting!
As I watched the loops increase row by row, my mind wandered. Vivian blushed faintly and looked away shyly.
“Actually, I’m good at embroidery too—but I lost interest recently. Then I discovered knitting.”
“Why did you lose interest in embroidery? Were there no fun designs?”
“I originally learned it because I wanted to make gifts for someone I liked. But… that person didn’t really need them.”
At that, my ears perked up—but then my heart sank a little.
To work hard on a gift for someone you care about, only for them not to appreciate it…
‘That’s just like me and Emil.’
I hadn’t exactly loved Emil romantically, but I truly believed he was my closest friend in the world—someone I could trust and rely on, almost like a brother.
‘But I never imagined those two would betray me like that.’
That Lojian and Emil had been secretly in love all along—it was a shock. Worse, they were closer to each other than either had ever been to me.
When I grew quiet, Vivian gave a small, bitter laugh.
“So yeah, now I can’t even look at my embroidery basket. Silly, isn’t it?”
‘Who on earth is that cold-hearted man?’
Not recognizing such pure affection—if he were nearby, I’d want to smack him upside the head.
But more than that, the sadness on Vivian’s face made my heart ache. I forced my tone to sound light as I tried to comfort her.
“I think I’d feel the same way. If looking at it keeps reopening the wound, of course it’d make you angry. You’re not silly at all.”
She could’ve just nodded politely, but instead Vivian shook her head stubbornly.
“Don’t say that. Foolishness is still foolishness.”
“Sometimes, you just dislike something for no reason at all.”
“Still… kyaa!”
Vivian, who’d been trying to argue, accidentally pulled the yarn too hard—causing the stitches to unravel in an instant. She shrieked, and we both grabbed the work at the same time, only to end up laughing together.
And just like that, we met a few more times over the next three days to knit together.
Vivian’s skills improved rapidly—so much that she could switch colors and crochet little flowers into a light vest.
But since we didn’t have enough yarn for a full vest, we made pretty headbands instead. Vivian smiled—a soft, relaxed smile completely different from when we first met.
“Thank you. I think I’ve got the hang of it now.”
“If you practice just a little more, you’ll probably be even better than me soon. I’m sure of it.”
“You flatter me.”
We laughed brightly as we each wore a matching flower headband.
But the warmth didn’t last long. Vivian spoke again, her tone quieter.
“I don’t think I can come for a while. We have important guests at home, and I’ll have to help entertain them. But I’ll keep practicing so I don’t forget.”
“Ah…”
I shouldn’t have felt disappointed—but I did.
Dante still hadn’t returned home, the other servants were all busy with their work, and Vivian had been the only person I’d had any emotional connection with lately.
‘I’ll just make her uncomfortable if I act like this.’
I’d known from the start she was a high-ranking noble and wouldn’t be able to come often.
Still, I couldn’t stop my expression from crumpling. Seeing it, Vivian gave a faint, wry smile.
“Don’t make that face. It’s not like I’m never coming again.”
“Oh—was it that obvious? I really enjoyed spending time with you, Vivian. I guess I couldn’t hide it.”
Not never coming again… so that meant she would come back when she could?
My ears perked up like a rabbit’s as I looked at her hopefully. Vivian nodded, confirming my guess. Overjoyed, I burst out—
“Thank you!”
“That’s my line.”
For some reason, she smiled bitterly again, waved gently, and turned away.
“I’ll definitely come back.”
I waved until she disappeared completely among the trees. By the time she was gone from sight, my chest ached faintly.
‘Ah… I must’ve grown more attached to her than I realized. I’ll miss her.’
After learning of Lojian and Emil’s betrayal, I’d sworn never to give my heart to anyone again. Yet here I was, already fond of someone new.
‘It’s always me who gets hurt in the end.’
See? Now we have to part again.
Even though she said she’d return, maybe she never will. Maybe I’ll be left behind—again.
‘But… why can’t I stop caring anyway?’
And then—
My mind was tangled with too many thoughts. Absentmindedly walking, I turned my steps not toward my room, but toward the place where Dante and I used to knit together.
‘If I go back to my room now, I’ll just feel lonely.’
I’ll knit something. Not for myself this time—but for someone else. Maybe a pair of mittens for Madam Marsha, or some socks for the butler…
Thinking that, I opened the door.
At that moment, from near the large sunlit window, a deep shadowed figure spoke to me.
“Still knitting outside, are you?”
“Huh?”
The voice was low and heavy—yet oddly gentle. It was so familiar it made my ears tingle, but for a moment, I just stood there, dazed, unable to place it.
Then the shadow chuckled lightly and went on.
“I didn’t finish my homework. But I hope you’ll forgive me this time—I’ve been busy.”
As he said that, a large hand lifted a small, wrinkled bundle of knitting—barely a few rows done.
Only then did I realize who it was. My voice trembled as I spoke.
“Your Grace…”
At my call, he squinted his double-lidded eyes and looked at me as if to ask, what’s wrong?
And in that moment, the hollow emptiness inside me filled with warmth.
That’s when I finally understood my own heart.
‘I’ve been missing this man.’
Compared to all the time I’d spent with Emil and Lojian, my moments with Dante were fleeting—almost nothing.
Yet right then, I knew.
The place Dante held in my heart… was far greater than I’d ever realized.
