Chapter 10
“What, are you making fun of me right now?”
At Roana’s words about having many friends, Hartwin’s face turned red again.
“No.”
Roana shook her head seriously.
“I already have many friends, so there’s no reason for me to drag you onto my side. So don’t misunderstand.”
“What misunderstanding am I making?!”
“You were twisting my sincere kindness into something else just a moment ago.”
“Kindness? Kindness?!”
Hartwin raised his voice.
“I don’t have some hidden motive. I just want to get closer to you. I’m curious about you, Hartwin.”
Hartwin froze at those words.
“No one has ever said something like that to me before…”
“No one?”
Hartwin tightly shut his mouth like a clam. It seemed he hated admitting that no one had ever said such words to him.
“Anyway, I mean it sincerely.”
Roana brushed off her knees and stood up.
Quite a lot of time had already passed. It was time for her to return to the annex.
“If you want to become friends with me, meet me here tomorrow at noon.”
After saying that, Roana turned around and walked away without hesitation.
“H-Hey! Wait…!”
Hartwin shouted after her, but she did not look back.
Hartwin blankly stared at Roana as she walked farther away.
After returning to the annex, Roana asked Ize many questions about Hartwin.
Since Ize was not a high-ranking maid, she did not know much about Hartwin or the internal affairs of the family, but she still answered Roana’s questions as best as she could.
Through Ize, Roana learned that Hartwin never attended family events or official schedules, spent every day sleeping in different places, and also suffered from a mild eating disorder.
“He doesn’t eat?”
“Yes.”
In this era, there was no concept of an eating disorder, so Ize simply described Hartwin’s condition as “not eating food.”
“After the former Duchess passed away, the head maid took care of him for a while. Since then, he hasn’t eaten properly.”
Ize spoke quietly.
“The maids say that even when meals are brought to him, he only drinks alcohol or eats simple desserts before sending the food back.”
Since he still ate desserts, it did not seem like his condition came from worrying about weight.
‘Then there must be another reason….’
Roana remembered Hartwin’s terribly thin shoulders, thin enough that his bones were visible at a glance.
“You said the head maid took care of Hartwin, right? Did she ever say anything about him?”
“The head maid says Young Master Hartwin is simply weak-minded, so there’s no need to worry.”
“No need to worry…?”
If his eating disorder started while the head maid cared for him, then he had suffered from it for nearly eight years. There was no way that could be ignored.
‘Is there anything I can do for him?’
Even though she knew it might be meddling, Roana wanted to help Hartwin.
The next day, Roana packed a picnic basket and headed to the hedge maze.
Since Hartwin only ate desserts, she filled the basket with cookies and cake. Thanks to all the desserts the knights brought, preparing the basket was easy.
‘What if I work this hard and Hartwin doesn’t even show up?’
On the way to the hedge maze, Roana kept thinking about the possibility that Hartwin might not come.
Fortunately, Hartwin was still in the same place as yesterday. Once again, he was lying under a pile of leaves.
“What? You actually came.”
Hartwin muttered blankly when he saw her, apparently thinking the same thing she had.
Roana smiled brightly at him.
“You came out to meet me.”
“I-I just came because I was bored! It doesn’t mean anything!”
After seeing Roana smile, Hartwin suddenly turned red and shouted loudly before quickly looking away.
“Hartwin.”
Roana crouched down in front of him and called his name. Hartwin still refused to look at her.
“If you keep acting like this, I’ll just leave.”
Roana sighed and lifted the basket. When she stood up as if she truly intended to leave, Hartwin quickly turned his head toward her.
“Go…”
“Go? You want me to go?”
“Don’t…”
“Don’t?”
“Don’t go! You’re the one who asked to meet me first, so how can you suddenly leave like this?!”
Hartwin shouted angrily.
“So you really don’t want me to leave?”
Roana smiled and sat back down in front of him.
Hartwin messed up his own hair with both hands as if regretting what he had said, but he did not take back his words. Nor did he try to push Roana away anymore.
Hartwin watched Roana open the picnic basket with wide eyes, like a rabbit watching a carnivorous beast invade its small precious burrow.
“I brought some food. It’s lunchtime.”
Roana pretended not to know about Hartwin’s eating disorder as she continued speaking.
“I mostly brought desserts so it would be light. What do you think?”
Hartwin stared blankly at the basket full of desserts. He looked like a child lost in front of countless crossroads.
Roana simply laid out the desserts without pressuring him. She did not ask if he wanted to eat anything, nor did she show that she knew about his eating habits.
Instead, Roana kept talking about completely different things, as if eating food was not important at all.
After several minutes passed, Hartwin finally realized that Roana had no intention of forcing him to eat, and the stiffness in his face slowly relaxed.
“Why are you doing this for me?”
“I already told you. I’m just curious about you.”
“I’m not someone special.”
“There’s no such thing as a person without value. Everyone has their own story.”
Hartwin, what kind of story do you have?
Roana asked softly.
Hartwin lowered his head and did not answer. But he also did not eat anything.
That day’s picnic ended like that. Even afterward, Roana continued visiting Hartwin while bringing desserts with her.
On the fourth day, Roana discovered that the reason Hartwin slept all day was because he lacked energy from not eating properly.
Thinking about it, it was obvious.
The only thing entering his body was alcohol, and even the desserts he ate were unbelievably small portions. There was no way he could have enough strength to stay active.
“My lady, don’t you get tired?”
On the fifth day, Ize asked Roana that question. Ize had become bored spending every lunch beside Hartwin without seeing any results.
“No, not at all.”
Roana shook her head. The more listless Hartwin acted, the more she felt connected to him. After reincarnating into this world and separating from her birth mother, she herself had spent a long period living without energy.
On the seventh day, Hartwin finally spoke about food.
“Don’t bring these things anymore.”
Hartwin pushed aside a soft pie covered in blueberries.
“Why?”
Roana asked as casually as possible. Hartwin glared at the blueberry pie as if it were his enemy before sighing deeply.
“I hate food.”
Roana fell silent for a moment. This was the first time Hartwin had talked about himself.
‘Still, we really are getting closer little by little. At least I hope I’m not imagining it.’
Roana held her coffee cup while looking at Hartwin.
What should she say here?
Since she could only guess at the size of Hartwin’s emotional wounds, every word felt dangerous.
Fortunately—or perhaps unfortunately—Roana did not need to think of a question. Hartwin continued speaking on his own.
“When I eat food, it feels like I’m committing a terrible sin.”
A terrible sin…
Roana could not even imagine how painful life must be if eating made him feel that way.
Silence lingered for a long time. Roana slowly placed down her coffee cup and quietly looked at Hartwin.
After thinking carefully for a long time, she finally spoke.
“Can you tell me why you think that way?”
It was an incredibly careful and respectful question. Even Hartwin could not help lowering his guard before such a considerate tone.
“Because I’m useless, and I don’t deserve to eat proper meals. So whenever I eat, it feels like I’m greedily taking something that was never meant for me.”
Hartwin lowered his eyes. Darkness filled his red eyes that resembled Klaus’s.
“But if I get really hungry, I drink alcohol or eat desserts. Those aren’t real meals anyway.”
People in this era did not really consider drinks or desserts to be proper meals. That was probably why Hartwin only consumed alcohol and desserts.
“Hmm…”
Roana hesitated, unable to answer easily.
“You think I’m pathetic, don’t you? Someone who can’t do anything and can’t even eat properly?”
Hartwin asked bitterly. Roana quickly shook her head.
“I never thought that.”
“That’s a lie.”
Even though Hartwin had opened up to Roana somewhat, he still could not fully trust her.
In truth, it was less distrust toward Roana and more distrust toward himself.
No matter how kindly others spoke to him, he lacked confidence in himself, so he could never fully believe their words.
“Then how about milk or fruit juice instead of alcohol, Young Master?”
Ize, who had been listening nearby, suggested drinks that could replace meals.
“I’m not a child!”
But Hartwin reacted even more violently than when food itself was mentioned.
It seemed Hartwin’s greatest fears were becoming useless and becoming weak like a child.
Roana felt sorry for him. She truly wanted to help him somehow.
‘But talking about food only stresses him out….’
The only thing Hartwin did not reject was alcohol, but she obviously could not keep giving him alcohol.
‘Isn’t there some kind of drink that’s warm, comforting, energizing, and gentler than alcohol? Something other than milk or fruit juice… Ah!’
Deep in thought, Roana suddenly realized something.
“You said drinks are okay, right? Then would you like to try this?”
Roana lifted the magical thermos filled with coffee.
Hartwin stared curiously at the black liquid moving inside the bottle.
“What’s that?”
“It’s a new drink I discovered. It’s made from Adanta fruit, and it’s pretty delicious.”
“Adanta fruit?”
Hartwin frowned. But Roana ignored his reaction and poured coffee into a cup before adding milk.
“The drink is called coffee. When you add milk, it becomes a café latte. Right now it’s temporary since we don’t have an espresso machine yet…”
Plain coffee might upset his empty stomach, but mixed with milk, it could become a good and filling drink.
Hartwin suspiciously stared at the improvised café latte Roana handed him.
“Hm? Go ahead and try it.”
For the first time, Roana actively encouraged him. Hartwin sighed before finally picking up the teacup. Fortunately, since it was only a drink, he did not seem to reject it like food.
Hartwin raised the cup to his lips, and Roana watched nervously.
