9
Cedric spoke with true sincerity.
Yet, he couldn’t help but suddenly realize how hollow these words might sound to a woman brought here as a hostage of a defeated nation.
Cedric, after all, had gone to war and slain Lavinia’s kin, and it was Cedric’s country that had executed her father, the King of Barkazar.
In the wake of such history, could any word he spoke truly reach her heart?
His expression darkened in an instant. Cedric offered a sudden apology.
“I am sorry. I had no right to say that.”
To his surprise, Lavinia laughed quite readily.
“Because your country killed my father?”
“Yes. That is so.”
“I don’t believe that is something for Your Grace to apologize to me for. On the contrary, I was glad you shared that with me. It seems the two of us have something in common.”
However, those words were merely intended to keep the situation moving smoothly; they were not sincere.
Cedric apologized once more.
“I believe that if I have caused offense, it is only right that I apologize.”
Lavinia came to a halt, stretching her arms wide and taking a deep breath. The rise and fall of her chest and the way she tilted her head to catch the sunlight looked entirely natural.
“Death is a given in Barkazar anyway. It is simply the process of returning to nature. Pain and disgrace are merely the prices one must pay for having lived a life. My father enjoyed more than most, so the disgrace and death he faced were simply his due. Wars between nations are not born of individual greed alone; they carry many sacrifices. It is a matter of neither my feelings nor yours.”
As she basked in nature, she looked incredibly free. Her movements seemed to mimic the wind.
Cedric felt as though he finally understood what kind of life Lavinia had lived in Barkazar. She must have lived in harmony with nature, without these cumbersome dresses, shoes that squeezed the feet, or the etiquette that binds a person. The thought of it made him feel a pang of sadness.
“But I am curious about your feelings, My Lady.”
Unable to take his eyes off her, Cedric tightened his grip on the shoes he held.
“Not what is ‘right’ or what ‘should be,’ but simply how you feel.”
“Why?”
“Well, that is because…”
While he bit his lip in flustered silence, Lavinia continued with a look of puzzlement, as if she had wanted to ask this for a long time.
“Now that I think of it, every time we meet, you ask about my tastes. Which composers I like, whether I prefer the piano or strings, what paintings I like, what fabrics I prefer… You’ve been asking persistently ever since you asked if I liked the rain.”
“Yes… I did.”
“What do you intend to do with a collection of someone else’s tastes and feelings?”
Lavinia asked as if she truly did not understand. Cedric knit his brows in frustration. While she seemed to see right through him at times, she remained utterly oblivious to the most crucial part.
“It is not because it is ‘someone else.’ Only your feelings and tastes matter to me.”
He lowered his arms. Lavinia’s shoes dangled from his fingertips.
“To be honest, what do I care about anyone else? Whether they trip or not, whether their shoes hurt or not—it doesn’t matter to me. Their tastes are worthless information. I only wish to know things related to you. Only you have value to me.”
“I’m asking why, for heaven’s sake!”
At his impulsive exclamation, Lavinia’s brow furrowed. It was the moment he felt his heart swelling so much he didn’t know what to do—thinking he might just confess everything right then and there. Suddenly, a sharp noise cut in, shattering their world.
“Oh, my goodness! Look there, isn’t that truly the Young Duke?”
Above the ridge, noble ladies carrying ornate parasols appeared through the bushes.
Cedric moved quickly to shield Lavinia, but in that brief second, they had already seen everything: not only that Cedric was with her, but that he was holding her shoes while she stood barefoot on the ground.
The ladies exchanged awkward glances, signaling to one another.
“Ah…”
“Lady Lavinia was here as well, I see.”
One of the group broke the silence in a hesitant voice.
The ladies tried to hide their embarrassment like people who had witnessed a scandalous scene they weren’t supposed to see. After all, if they didn’t find a way to wrap this sight—Cedric Valmont, the Empire’s most eligible bachelor, covered in mud and clutching a woman’s shoes—in the language of high society, a massive scandal would erupt.
“Young Duke, the terrain of the hunting grounds is quite rugged; Lady Lavinia’s heel must have been damaged. So, Your Grace had no choice but to…”
“Quite right. The ground was so soggy because of the rain yesterday. Oh dear, it looks as though you might have twisted your ankle.”
Forced laughter and excuses followed, along with a mix of pity and concern for Lavinia.
“Oh, but My Lady. You must be quite cold being barefoot. The air near the lakeside is so chilly.”
One of the ladies added, as if performing an act of charity, “I have an extra shawl; shall I wrap it around your feet? Or should I have a servant bring a pair of shoes from my carriage? I don’t know if the size will fit, but it’s just so heart-wrenching to see you standing on the ground barefoot.”
“Oh, a shawl? Surely it’s better to take the time to bring shoes. How could you suggest she show such an unsightly figure as having a shawl wrapped around her feet?”
“But…”
They looked Lavinia up and down again. Their gazes said: But she’s already barefoot.
Cedric moved Lavinia behind him as if to protect her from their mocking stares, cutting them off sharply.
“That’s enough.”
The air froze instantly at his low tone.
“I will take care of it, so do not concern yourselves further and be on your way.”
The ladies’ faces stiffened at the cold dismissal, which was no different from an order to leave. However, cowed by Cedric’s rare display of sternness, there was little they could do. They merely snapped their fans shut awkwardly and offered forced smiles.
“Ah! Then we had better excuse ourselves. We apologize for intruding with needless worry while the Young Duke is taking such devoted care of you. Please forgive us. We shall see you at the hunting competition then!”
They hurried away over the ridge, arms linked like people sharing a great secret. The sound of their low whispering drifted through the silence of the forest before scattering.
Only after they had disappeared did Cedric exhale and turn back to Lavinia.
“I am sorry. Because of me…”
At that, Lavinia let out a short laugh. But he could feel instinctively that it was not the same gentle attitude as before.
“I’m beginning to wonder just how much more you intend to apologize for on my behalf.”
“Since it happened because of me…”
“No, it didn’t,” Lavinia answered with a sharp frown.
“The only thing Your Grace needs to apologize for is manipulating me under the pretext of coincidences. Whatever they say about me after this is not your concern.”
“Why do you think that?”
“Because I am not your responsibility.”
Cedric fell silent at the words that pierced the heart of the matter. Lavinia looked at him seriously as she continued.
“You said you were curious about my tastes and feelings?”
Cedric only managed to nod, still cradling her shoes. The fierce, chilling aura he had directed at the ladies was gone; in front of Lavinia, his face had become docile again, as if he would give her anything.
Lavinia pressed her bare feet into the mud he had warmed with magic. Having stepped on so many different types of earth, she knew better than anyone how artificial this ground felt right now.
And it was very easy to guess that the man in front of her was the one who had made it so.
“Your Grace, I am a person who was never meant to like anything in the first place. Because I have no such thing as a choice. Does the ‘taste’ of someone without a choice have any meaning?”
Her voice was so flat it sounded even colder.
“Coming here as if dragged by Your Grace, and walking barefoot through the forest after taking off my shoes—none of it was my will. The fact that they saw me in this state is the same.”
Lavinia idly scattered the dirt with her toes. The warmth Cedric had painstakingly prepared tickled between her toes, but her voice remained cold as ice.
“No matter what they gossip about me when they return to the castle, there is nothing I can do. I simply have to listen and endure. Such patience is included in the duties I carry. Just as my father lived a life of luxury and then paid for it with his death, there is a price for my survival. Do you understand?”
Her sky-blue eyes resembled ice. Cedric suddenly had that thought. His chest ached as if he had inhaled freezing air.
And within those icy eyes, there was a certain resolve.
She wasn’t simply lamenting her situation. She was saying she would willingly accept humiliation and endurance as the price for continuing her life.
She was asking what meaning tastes or feelings could have for someone without a choice—and pointing out that he, too, had exploited the fact that she had no choice.
The message in those chilling eyes was clear: if he understood her situation, he should stop now.
But Cedric could not accept that so easily.
“……That it has no meaning at all.”
Muttering weakly, Cedric tightened his grip on her shoes.
He couldn’t just stand there watching her walk away. He rushed forward to block her path.
“It does have meaning.”
His desperate voice cut through the silence of the forest. As Lavinia raised an eyebrow, Cedric continued, his breathing heavy.
“Please do not say you have no choice. Because to me, at least, your choice is more important than anything.”
His green eyes glistened with desperation.
“If you tell me not to appear before you again, I will do so. If you are telling me to stop calling you out through coincidences, I will do that as well. But it is troubling if you do not even allow yourself that much desire. At the very least, the person by your side—the person who likes you—remembers you by those very things.”
With trembling hands, Cedric fumbled inside his coat. He pulled out an exquisitely crafted jewelry box as if he were pulling out his own heart.
“Please… take this.”
As the box opened, a peridot necklace was revealed, emitting a brilliant light as if the forest’s greenery had been embedded within it.
“It is peridot. Since you said you liked green, I had it made from a gemstone mined from my most cherished mine.”
Lavinia’s gaze lingered on the transparent, lime-colored gem. Cedric added in a low voice, like a confession.
“It is a gift for the ‘Lavinia who likes green’—the one who exists only in my memory.”
Holding the necklace, he did not avoid Lavinia’s eyes.
“So, as long as you are wearing this, please remember that you are not anyone’s tool or a ghost. I will watch and remember exactly what kind of person you are until the very end.”
Lavinia thought blankly.
She had only said that tastes and feelings were meaningless because she had no choice; she had never said she was anyone’s tool or a ghost.
But his leap of logic didn’t make her feel bad. It seemed to explain the kind of person he was. Lavinia let out a soft laugh and accepted his gift.
The cool metal dangled from her fingertips before hiding within her palm.
And that was the last day Lavinia saw Cedric.
