BSS 76

chapter 76

To Sister Anelia.

How have you been? Thanks to you, I safely participated in the tournament and even received an award. Have you finished your commission and returned yet? You’re not hurt, are you?

Uncle Kenta and Captain Shabel are doing well too, right?

I couldn’t find your personal address, so I’m sending this to the mercenary corps instead. If you receive it, please write back.

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about wanting to become strong like you.

Strong enough to survive alone in this world.

I learned something this time.
Losing is an unbearably humiliating thing.

Maybe it’s not that I want to become strong—
maybe it’s that I simply don’t want to lose.

Someday, that day will come, won’t it?

And someday… will I be able to see you again?

Missing you on the 19th day of the Blue Moon,
Genie Crowell.

To Ash.

This is the third letter I’ve written to you.

But I know this one won’t reach you either. I think it’s time I stopped writing.

It’s not that I’ve forgotten you.
I’m just learning to accept that some things are impossible.

I wonder if the day will ever come when I can properly thank you.

Ash, maybe because I’m not used to owing anyone anything, I keep thinking about you.
That’s really not like me.

We live in different worlds, so maybe you’ve already forgotten me.

But if we ever meet again, I swear I’ll repay this debt.

Just wait and see.
Though my friend says muttering things like that makes me sound like a villain.

To Epirus, who was my friend—if only for one day—on the 23rd day of the Blue Moon.

P.S.
Iruje says to tell you she loves you.
She also asked to be added to your list of potential brides.
Good luck to the two of you.

The navy-colored school bag I’d carried since middle school—its leather worn smooth from daily use—was something Dad had bought on a whim. It wasn’t pretty, and it definitely wasn’t my taste.

It was clunky but sturdy, and no matter how roughly I treated it, it never broke. That was why I couldn’t ask for a new one, which had always been my small grievance.

I slung the bag full of workbooks over my shoulder and crushed my sneakers onto my feet in the entryway.

“Mom!”

As usual in the morning, I was hungry. I figured I’d grab some gimbap on the way, but for that I needed some allowance.

“Give me money for school! I need to buy workbooks!”

If Mom found out I’d already spent the allowance she gave me on Monday, she’d definitely nag me.

So I used workbooks as an excuse.
She always gave money generously for those.

“Jina.”

I finished tying my shoelaces and stood up, but Mom’s expression in the living room was strange.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

“What are you talking about?”

“I really am going to buy work—”

“You’re not here.”

That single sentence acted like a spell.

Everything around me vanished.

The familiar entryway.
Our old but clean home.
All gone.

I was standing in a strange, empty space.

“Huh?”

When I looked down, I was wearing leather boots instead of sneakers. Before I could react, my school uniform transformed into a long cloak embroidered with silver thread.

Most striking of all—

Long, golden hair cascading past my shoulders.

I’d worn my hair short for as long as I could remember.

“…Mom, something’s wrong with me.”

“Jina.”

“Mom.”

“Did you find what you wanted to do there?”

My throat tightened, and my eyes burned.

“My daughter.”

A hand reached out and gently cupped my face—so tenderly, despite my unfamiliar appearance.

“Did you find something you want to do?”

“…Yeah.”

“That’s a relief. Are you doing lots of things you want?”

I nodded silently, afraid I’d cry, and Mom smiled.

“That’s enough for me.”

I broke down crying.

Tears streamed down my cheeks, but Mom never stopped stroking my hair.

“Mom.”

“Why are you crying?”

“Are you okay… without me?”

I clung to her, asking the question that had haunted me the entire time.

How much had she cried after losing me?

I was their only child—the precious late-born daughter my parents had barely managed to have.

Mom’s aging, soft, sagging skin was something I missed desperately.

“Jina, as long as you’re happy, I’m fine.”

Thinking back now, Mom was someone who seemed like she couldn’t live without me.

That was why my heart never knew peace.

No matter how uneasy I felt, it couldn’t possibly ease Mom’s heart—and that weighed on me endlessly.

“I wasn’t… okay. I was scared you’d be too sad…”

“It’s okay, my daughter.”

“Mom.”

“Wherever you are, whoever you are… just be happy.”

“Mom!”

Where is this place?
Who am I?
Where is Mom going?

Why am I standing here alone?

I stared at my empty hands when her voice echoed once more.

“Just be happy.”

Whenever I woke from that dream, I gasped for air as if I’d been pulled from deep water.

When I opened my eyes, I couldn’t remember my mother’s face.

I’d just dreamed of her, yet it was already blurry.
What did she look like?

I squinted up at the white arched ceiling.

No matter how hard I tried, I could remember only the feeling of her—nothing else.

At some point, I’d lived longer in this world than in my previous one.

Sometimes, I completely forgot the past.

Sometimes, I was nothing more than Genie Crowell, born in Dmitri.

A noble’s daughter.
A student living at Drake Academy.
One of countless humans in this world, wrestling with spirits every day.

I sat up under the blanket and blankly surveyed the training room.

The ice spirit stone I’d been fiddling with before bed lay discarded on the floor.

“Ah…”

After sleeping curled up on a cushion, my body creaked as I picked up the spirit stone.

I placed it into the wooden jewel box on the bookshelf and stretched.

My shoulders cracked loudly as I looked out the window—it was still dawn.

A yawn escaped me.

I extinguished the candles, grabbed my cloak, and left the training room.

I practically lived in this training hall on the outskirts of the academy, which, for some reason, sat in the middle of a small forest.

“Rai.”

When I called softly, a white snake poked its head out from the bushes.

[Master, where are you going at this hour?]

“To my room.”

[It’s been a while since you’ve gone back!]

“Yeah. I should sleep in a bed. I have to go out tomorrow, so I need proper rest.”

It took twenty minutes to walk to the main academy building where my room was.

I stepped into the pitch-dark forest without hesitation.

I wasn’t scared.

Rai was with me, and if a thug appeared, I could just capture them and use them for practice.

In fact, I’d welcome it.

I was desperate for a human test subject for Ador.

The room I returned to after a week was so packed with gifts there was barely space to step.

Most of them were congratulatory presents for my nineteenth birthday.

It looked like I’d stopped by when there were only half this many.

Already messy, the room had descended into complete chaos.

[Master! This one! Let’s open this one!]

Rai made strange snuffling sounds while pointing at a gift box that obviously contained metal.

I ignored him completely, cleared the gifts piled on the bed, and lay down instead.

[You’re not going to open them?]

“Mm… too much work.”

[Can I open them, then?]

“No.”

I closed my eyes—then opened them again.

“You can sort them. Gifts from close people, and ones that aren’t. Make some space.”

Rai spent nearly all of daily life with me and knew my social connections intimately.

Since he didn’t sleep, he was basically the perfect servant—available 24/7.

[What?! I’m a spirit, not a butler!]

“You’re a spirit with butler functions.”

He’d finally realized he was being treated like a servant and began to protest.

[Master! If you’re going to make me do this, at least give me a body with hands and feet!]

That was an oddly specific direction for a complaint.

[There are limits to what I can do with a snake body! Master! Are you even listening?!]

“Yeah… yeah. I’m sleeping.”

I drifted off, half-listening to Rai’s grumbling.

It had been a long time since I’d slept in a bed.