chapter 08
Worry flickered across Hongseol’s eyes.
“Master Eun is suffering from that dreadful illness…”
Insomnia.
It was a difficult word for a child, yet Hongseol understood it perfectly.
It was the illness that had befallen her mother.
And it was all because of her.
When she had just turned five,
Hongseol had been judged unable to use internal energy and was locked away in a cold, desolate room.
“Take that thing and throw it into the back room immediately.”
Even though her mother had clearly spoken the words, pointing at her,
the young Hongseol could not accept it, even while confined.
“There must have been some misunderstanding. Mom wouldn’t abandon me.”
Alone in the warmthless room, she wiped away her tears and hugged her knees tightly, whispering to herself.
“Yes… Mom only said that because she’s sick. She must have been flustered… she must have mistaken me for someone else.”
Her mother would never speak harshly to her. Never. She had always been kind.
“If I go and tell her what really happened, she’ll be shocked and apologize. She’ll say she’s sorry… that she mistook me for someone else. And she’ll hug me like she always does.”
The scent of her mother’s familiar warmth seemed to linger just at the tip of her nose. Hongseol swallowed her tears and offered a small, tentative smile.
“Then I’ll graciously accept her apology.”
Though she was upset, she loved her mother more than anything in the world.
So, in the corner of that gloomy room, the little girl comforted herself, again and again.
It was her way of suppressing the rising anxiety inside her.
“Yes… I’m going to see Mom!”
She resolved to go, but the opportunity rarely came. The door to her room was always locked tight.
It opened only once a day, when Sibi Cheongok brought the cold meal.
Creak.
The worn door swung open just then. Hongseol seized the moment.
“Cheongok! I’m going to see Mom!”
As she bravely stepped toward the door, Sibi Cheongok suddenly pushed her shoulder.
“Eek!”
Hongseol let out a small cry as she tumbled to the floor.
Even as she fell helplessly, she could not believe it.
“Cheongok… pushed me?”
The gentle, courteous Cheongok who had always treated her kindly…
“Cheongok…?”
Looking up from below, Cheongok’s expression was one Hongseol had never seen before.
Her eyes were cold and sharp, nothing like the warm, affectionate gaze Hongseol was used to. It was almost as if she were a spy from the Namgung family in disguise.
“Your lady mother doesn’t wish to see you,” Cheongok said, her attitude having flipped as easily as a hand.
Hongseol blinked, speechless.
“So don’t waste your strength. Sit quietly and eat the meal you’ve been given.”
“…That’s a lie!”
The words came out a beat too late, full of sorrow.
Hongseol shook her head vigorously, her eyes brimming with tears.
“There’s no way Mom wouldn’t want to see me!”
Cheongok’s lips twisted into a smirk, as if incredulous.
“Huh, I’m telling the truth. And your lady mother has been suffering from a dreadful illness called insomnia because of you. Do you really think she would want to see you?”
Insomnia?
Hongseol froze, as if she had stopped moving entirely. Her mother had fallen ill because of her… fear clenched her heart.
“What… is that?”
“It’s an illness that prevents sleep. Your lady mother is so worried because of you that she can’t rest!”
Perhaps unwilling to face the cruel reality, Hongseol’s mind darted elsewhere.
“Maybe if she sees my face, Mom’s illness will go away.”
Her heart pounded. Her mother had always been like that—smiling gently even when she had headaches or stomachaches.
“My little Hongseol’s face is a cure-all.”
So, surely this time too…
Hongseol bit at her dry lips with her tiny fingers, lost in thought.
Cheongok, observing her, muttered under her breath as if to herself:
“Really… what’s she thinking now? I have no time to rest, always pounding and drying sundew herbs to cure your lady mother’s insomnia.”
Sundew herbs…?
Now that she thought about it, Cheongok’s body carried a sharp, herbal scent.
Hongseol recognized the plant. It had baby-hand-shaped leaves, common everywhere. She didn’t know if it truly helped insomnia.
“But I don’t need sundew anymore. I am Mom’s cure-all!”
She needed to go to her mother and cure her of this dreadful illness.
Tears had dried, leaving Hongseol’s grimy cheeks tinged with anticipation.
A day later,
Hongseol took advantage of the moment when Cheongok brought a bowl of thin white porridge and made her escape.
“Ah! Stop her!”
Hongseol sprinted, ignoring Cheongok’s shouts, until she reached Jegalsun’s room.
Bang.
Her hands trembled as she opened the door.
“Mom!”
Her tearful voice drew Jegalsun’s slow turn from the bed.
Her hollow eyes met Hongseol’s tear-filled ones.
“….”
Had she fallen while running? Her face bore small scratches, and her cheeks looked gaunt from days of poor eating.
Her unwashed, tattered uniform was dirty, yet Jegalsun’s gaze swept over her with no reaction whatsoever.
“That’s strange… why isn’t Mom calling me to hug me?”
Hongseol was restless. Finally, she had to call out herself.
“Mom…”
Her voice was muffled, a nasal whine creeping in. She disliked it.
She wanted to sound composed, to clearly convey how much she worried.
But courage failed her.
Her mother’s face held no emotion. It was as cold and indifferent as looking at a stone on the roadside.
“No, young lady!”
Sibi Cheongok arrived late, breathing heavily.
“What are you doing here? Turn around and leave immediately!”
Cheongok grabbed Hongseol’s wrist roughly.
Smack!
Hongseol shook off the hand boldly. Cheongok’s eyes widened in fury.
“What do you think you’re doing?”
But Hongseol didn’t hear a word. Her eyes were fixed only on her mother.
Despite shaking off Cheongok, she could not approach her mother recklessly.
She barely managed to squeeze out her voice.
“Mom…”
It’s me.
It’s Hongseol.
You said… my face is your cure-all…
So many words rose in her mind, yet she could not muster the courage to speak them.
Then Jegalsun finally spoke:
“Turn around.”
“Pardon?”
Confused, Hongseol blinked. Jegalsun repeated in a flat, emotionless tone:
“Turn around and walk straight out.”
“But… that’s the door, Mom…”
“….”
She said nothing more. She meant for Hongseol to leave.
Hongseol’s small body trembled with sorrow, but her mother remained unmoved.
Reluctantly, she turned, crossing the threshold, and had to rub her stinging eyes with her tiny fists several times.
The sounds of Cheongok and her mother’s argument behind her made Hongseol feel even more miserable.
“Because of that girl, I can’t sleep! And she dares to come here herself? How shameless.”
“Yes, please don’t be upset, Lady. Lie down. I’ll burn incense balls made from sundew herbs. That should help you sleep soon.”
Recalling these painful memories, Hongseol’s lips curled stubbornly once more. She felt like crying again.
Seeing her expression, Sibi Maeran waved her hand.
“Insomnia is not a deadly disease, young lady! The great master is healthy, so don’t worry too much.”
“Did the doctor come? Did you take the medicine?”
Hongseol, struggling to hold back her tears, asked as maturely as she could, though her nasal tone gave her away.
Maeran, unable to laugh or cry, responded with a helpless expression.
“The master of medicine came and prepared a decoction, but it seems her body has built a tolerance, and it’s no longer effective.”
“I see… then Master Eun must be having a really hard time lately.”
Hongseol’s face fell with worry, and her concern was sincere.
“Master Eun is such a kind person.”
He had taken her from Daechoksan and allowed her to stay as a guest here. He had fed her well and clothed her in silk.
And now, to think he suffered from an illness that stole his sleep!
“Is there any way I can help Master Eun?”
Deep in thought, Hongseol clenched her tiny fists.
