ASE 18

Chapter 18

I clutched my left chest, panting raggedly like someone caught between life and death in a single moment.

The bullies looked visibly flustered at my ghostly pale face.

I threw myself wholly into the performance, sinking weakly to one knee.

I was no longer Latte Ecktry. I was an invalid. A fragile heart patient who had to be wary of even the faintest shock, like glass that could shatter at a touch. I was weak. I was sick. I was the patient.

On the verge of collapse, I let out a dying voice.

“Ugh… so this is… how I die? Here… like this…?”

Even I thought my voice was flawless. If this wasn’t the sound of a dying patient, then what was? Anyone could see I was already halfway gone.

My outstretched hand trembled faintly in the air, and that was enough to make the gang stumble backward in even greater alarm. Bewilderment filled their faces as they glanced at each other.

“Wh-what the hell! What’s wrong with this chick?”

“She’s not dying, is she?”

“N-no way… who the hell dies from a shoulder bump?”

“I don’t know, man, but she’s dying right in front of us!”

Their panicked chatter was music to my ears.

You punks picked the wrong person today. Back in school, I skipped night study sessions all the time just by acting sick.

I cranked up my performance another notch. My outstretched hand dropped limply. My body slumped to the side.

“…I… wanted… to say… goodbye…”

Thud.

All strength drained from me. My body collapsed onto the cold floor, motionless like a puppet whose strings had been cut. My golden hair spread across the ground.

A pitiful heart patient, struck down by a stranger’s careless shoulder bump—that was me.

“…Holy sh*t…”

“Run!”

“F**k, go, go!”

“…”

The sound of their footsteps retreated in panic, leaving only silence.

I stayed perfectly still until their presence had completely vanished. Then, slowly, I opened my eyes.

Ugh, the floor’s freezing.

I jumped up, brushed the dust off my clothes, fixed my hair, and allowed myself a satisfied grin.

That was an impeccable performance.

Even I was impressed. How could anyone act so convincingly?

If those punks had shown even the slightest suspicion, I would have blasted them with a spell without hesitation—but no, they fell for it completely.

Yes! Scroll saved.

I felt proud of myself for chasing away the bullies with nothing but my acting.

At this rate, maybe I could even audition for The Red Heavenly Maiden—that legendary role in the famous acting comic, reserved only for true geniuses of performance.

In high spirits, I planted my hands on my hips and threw my head back.

Hahahaha!

Flutter.

“Haha… huh?”

As I laughed triumphantly, a piece of paper floated down from above.

What’s this?

I reached out and caught the falling scrap, and immediately recognized it—it was a magic scroll. A long-distance teleportation scroll, no less.

…Oh my, this is expensive. Why on earth…?

Trash doesn’t just fall from the sky, and neither do scrolls. I snapped my head upward to check, but saw only empty air.

Nothing. So what on earth was happening?

“Hm.”

I didn’t ponder long. I stuffed the scroll into my chest without hesitation.

There hadn’t been any wind, so it couldn’t have drifted here from far away.

I decided to just take it as a gift. Maybe some bored mage tossed it down while watching. Whatever.

When you were floating in the air, you were just a scrap of paper. When I caught you with eagle eyes, you became mine. And mine meant money.

Hoh-hoh, jackpot.

Whether it was a kind mage’s present or some clumsy rich guy’s loss, either way it was free for me—a windfall.

Goodbye to the old me, who never found even a crumpled bill on the street and only ever lost wallets instead. Now I was reborn as Lady Luck herself.

A long-distance teleportation scroll was like stumbling upon a diamond the size of a fist in the middle of the road.

If this were a leveling game, my Luck stat would’ve just shot up by a hundred. Ah… I can feel my EXP bar filling! This must be what leveling up feels like!

Grinning at my own dumb thoughts, I walked on light feet.

Not only had I rid myself of the bullies, but I’d also scored a freebie. My mood soared sky-high.

And with my mood elevated, my heart became generous too.

I decided to forgive Kenneth’s dog for barking at me—though, of course, it wasn’t like I could’ve done anything if I hadn’t forgiven it.

After ten more steps, I knew exactly where I was headed.

Yes, let’s go. After justice (bully-busting) and fortune (free loot), the next order of business is sugar replenishment!

By the square, a new tart shop had just opened. Since I was here, why not stop in for a slice or two?

It’s fruit tart, anyway. Fruit doesn’t make you fat. Think of it as vitamins.

(Sad) rationalization complete, I soon found myself at the shop.

Ordering, receiving, and relocating the tart from a pretty plate into my warm stomach—all happened in an instant.

…Wait, when did I learn object teleportation? I thought I had no talent for magic.

Apparently, the spell only triggered when eating fattening food. Damn.

Shedding tears (purely because the tart was so delicious, of course), I ordered two more.

A few forkfuls later, they too were gone. Staring mournfully at the empty plates, I turned my gaze outside the window.

I am not hungry. I am full. My stomach is absolutely stuffed.

I hypnotized myself as I stared blankly out—until suddenly, familiar faces appeared.

Huh?

As soon as I recognized them, I ducked my head below the window.

The shoulder-bump gang!

They were walking past the shop together, just like before. Running into them here of all places? If our eyes had met, I’d have been in trouble.

After all, I’d just died in front of them as a weak heart patient.

If they saw me again, would I have to act like a zombie resurrected by tart cravings?

As I pondered which performance would be more convincing—choking-to-death-on-tart versus zombie revival—the bell above the shop door jingled.

That sound… the door was opening.

And with it came a chill sense of dread.

The door was behind me.

Bad feeling rising fast, I quickly untied my hair. My neatly tied hair fell loose in a wild curtain over my shoulders and back.

I couldn’t bring myself to look back, staring instead at the corner of the table in awkward silence.

Maybe it was just a customer. But my gut told me otherwise.

…And, of course.

“Sweetie! As beautiful as ever today, ha-ha-ha.”

The shopkeeper’s face twisted uncomfortably at the voice. So did mine.

That sycophantic, wheedling tone—I’d heard it before.

No one else could have such an irritating voice. It was one of the bullies.

Great. Just great.

“You’re here again…”

“I can’t go a day without seeing your lovely face, or thorns sprout in my eyes! Ha-ha-ha!”

Judging by the exchange, the bully had taken a liking to the pretty shopkeeper—and visited often, despite her clear disinterest.

Of all the shops in town, why this one? Luck of Lady Fortune, my ass.

“I told you it makes me uncomfortable.”

“Then let me take that burden off your hands! I’m very good at carrying things, ha-ha-ha!”

What the actual hell…

His half-assed humor made me grip my fork so tightly I almost bent it.

What kind of wannabe thug woos girls like this? And why does every line end with “ha-ha-ha”?

I’ll carry your burden for you, ha-ha just kidding~ lol.

The shopkeeper held back her anger as long as she could before finally snapping, her trembling voice betraying her.

“You should leave. I have a customer.”

“A customer?”

The cozy little shop was empty except for me. I felt their gazes turn.

Damn it.

Slowly, I turned my head, meeting the eyes of the shopkeeper and the three bullies.

Better this than pretending not to notice until they walked right up to me.

One of them narrowed his eyes at me, then another pointed.

“It’s that heart-diseased corpse!”

Lovely choice of words.

I realized I’d been caught and quietly prepared my scroll. Time to retreat home.

Luckily, the shop ran on prepay. I wouldn’t have to skip out on the bill.

I should’ve known letting my hair down wasn’t much of a disguise.

After all, face blindness isn’t that common outside of anime like Angel Girl Netina or Sailor Moon.

And my face wasn’t exactly generic enough to blend in with a hairstyle change.

“Of course it’s her! That tragic mop of hair isn’t something you see every day!”

“That’s right! It’s definitely her—look at that ridiculous hair!”

The lovesick bully even clapped his hands like he’d made a brilliant deduction.

Wow. That hurt. My hair’s not that bad. What’s really ridiculous is your pathetic “let me carry your burden” line, you lunatic.

The bullies had completely forgotten their supposed goal of courting the shopkeeper, all their attention now fixed on me.

And no wonder—they were shocked. My earlier performance had been flawless. If I had seen it, I would’ve been fumbling for a nonexistent phone to call an ambulance.

The shopkeeper, who had only invoked me as an excuse, looked bewildered to see I actually had such a history with them. But beneath her confusion, unease flickered.

I felt like winking at her, like a gallant hero.

Don’t worry, pretty lady. I’ll vanish soon enough. Gone with the wind! …Okay, maybe not that line.

“That really was her corpse! But if she’s dead, how’s she walking around? She even ate tarts! She’s not dead?”

“Do you even need to ask? Look at her!”

“She played us! That b*tch was faking it!”

“F*****!!!”

True to their thug nature, the bullies erupted in profanity, voices loud and vicious.

The shopkeeper hiccupped in fear. Poor girl.

I’d better get out before things escalated further.

I whipped out the teleportation scroll. If it was legit, it should send me straight to the park near home.

Goodbye, suckers. Keep yelling into the void. Have fun shadow-boxing your rage. Later, losers!

Riiip!