<Chapter 15>
A frighteningly accurate number.
It was merely a phenomenon where the circuit surrounding the heart was spinning rapidly to recover the depleted magical power, naturally quickening the pulse a little.
“If I stay still, it will return to normal.”
“Then you’re not hurt?”
“I’m just a little tired.”
The light nosebleed had also stopped by now, so I tucked the bloody handkerchief into the hem of my skirt.
“Thanks for the use, Nishé. I’ll wash it and return it.”
In Nishé’s pupils, which glowed fiercely in a burning orange, a fire as rough as his nature, there was a feeling of dissatisfaction for no reason.
“You, you like to interfere in other people’s business, so why do you treat your own body so carelessly?”
…What is it? They seem strangely interested in my physical condition, is it my imagination?
Or is it a national characteristic? Are they worried I won’t be able to act as a good luck charm for the sleeping Grand Duke of Winter Castle if I get sick?
It’s truly difficult in these moments.
“I’m not? It’s true I’ve slightly overworked myself lately, but I’m someone who prioritizes physical well-being the most.”
I added with a sigh.
“I’m fine, this much. I’m an incredible mage.”
“…”
“This was just my routine. I’ve only relaxed since coming here, but I was quite busy with this and that originally.”
All-night research was common. But given my position, I couldn’t just hide away and act like a scholar.
I handled all the annual events like balls and hunting competitions, matters involving the family and the Imperial Family’s engagement, and private tea parties and charity events.
My whole life, a day felt too short even if it were 48 hours, so suddenly becoming jobless made it difficult to just lounge around.
‘I don’t feel a sense of efficacy, and I feel restless.’
“Why am I doing this? Because I promised to use magic for Bellmeier.”
Acting for Bellmeier is, in turn, acting for myself.
All of this is the process of removing discomfort or risk factors for the sake of my comfortable and peaceful life.
Furthermore, I am simply being nosy because I don’t like the way they live, and this act has no meaning beyond that.
“Did you live like that in Hilbarcia too?”
Then Zephyr suddenly changed the subject.
A look of pure curiosity flashed in his green eyes.
“How did you live there?”
“What?”
“Did you really like the Crown Prince? Do you still like him?”
“…Are you curious about that?”
“Yes. I wasn’t curious, but I became curious.”
It was a startling thing to hear.
I thought Zephyr followed me simply because of a simple liking, like the ‘pretty soul color’ thing.
But now it seemed like it was more than just that.
‘You’ve opened your heart too much to me…’
Ah, that’s not a very good sign.
Because I don’t want to open my heart that much.
I didn’t want to get deeply involved in their lives. I didn’t want to understand too much.
So I only grasped the surface.
It’s better not to know about their past, their secrets, or their personal stories. Even if I was slightly curious sometimes, I didn’t ask.
That was the line I drew.
They also didn’t really pry into ‘the past life of Irenne Valtres.’ At least not until just now.
“Irenne?”
Zephyr urged me for an answer.
Fusty childhood memories, the ‘me’ in the original story, the fragments left by past emotions that felt both manipulated by the story and truly mine.
I tried to hide my agitation and said.
“…I just lived.”
“What does ‘just’ mean?”
“It means there was nothing special. The Crown Prince… I don’t like him anymore. If I did, would I have tried to kill him?”
Since I felt a great sense of betrayal because I liked him, and tried to kill both him and myself, what I said was half-true and half-false.
“Is that so?”
“Yes.”
I affirmed resolutely and turned away, pretending to be busy for no reason.
“Well then, I have to research the magical artifact.”
“Again? Can’t you do it later? I’m bored.”
“No. See you at dinner, Zephyr.”
“Irenne, then I’ll come with you—”
“No, I can concentrate better when I’m alone.”
As I restrained Elly and slowly backed away, Nishé looked at me with eyes that had a lot to say.
“You…”
I quickly left the lobby before he could grab me. My steps grew faster and faster, like someone being chased.
Was my confusion too obvious? Nishé, despite not looking the part, is surprisingly quick-witted.
‘…When did this boundary become so blurred?’
I must have forgotten the line I drew for myself without realizing it.
Coincidentally, I heard the voice of the person I both missed and disliked.
[Please don’t open your heart easily in the future.]
‘This time, I really won’t, Emma.’
Really.
A bleak landscape that was more like an open field than a garden.
Gnarled, skinny trees lined both sides, and instead of flower beds, there were rows of tightly packed gravestones.
I seemed to have wandered to this remote place while walking around distractedly.
‘This is my first time seeing this place… Are these grave markers?’
The white snow covering the gravestones looked exactly like burial shrouds.
The desolate wind ruffled my hair. The cold air, which felt like it would freeze my bones, swept eerily over my skin.
“Ugh.”
Only then did I realize that I was not wearing the warmth magic on my body, for the first time since coming here.
‘I must have dispelled it while installing the magical artifact earlier.’
The main castle area has a full spring climate now, but this area seemed too remote for the magical artifact’s influence to reach.
I instinctively started a magic calculation, then stopped. I could just go inside.
It was at that moment that I found a person existing like a landscape painting amidst the white graves.
“Grand Duke… nim?”
It wasn’t a game of ‘find the difference’; seriously.
The man, white from head to toe in his clothing, was standing stock still in front of a gravestone with his back to me.
He slowly turned to look at me.
And he spoke without me having called him.
“You haven’t listened to my advice at all.”
“…I know my body best.”
I hadn’t completely forgotten his diagnosis of Loss fever and his warning. However, my magical power circuit was still usable, and creating the magical artifact was not a significant strain.
I did it because I could. That was all.
“Don’t you want to use the magic you want when you want it?”
“But I just did.”
“Warming the castle?”
“Yes, that.”
I was reflected in the Grand Duke’s emotionless, chilling eyes.
It wasn’t until the wind had blown twice strongly, and sleet had slowly begun to fall, that he spoke softly.
“You need to take care of yourself more than this castle.”
That advice was inappropriate for me, who had just chosen to endure the cold because I didn’t want to waste magical power. I am taking care of myself well enough.
However, I didn’t want to argue, so I simply closed my mouth. The Grand Duke advised me as if giving a command.
“So, fix that habit.”
This was the second time I’d heard those words.
My heart felt itchy, as if powder were stuck in it, and my stomach felt heavy, as if I had indigestion. Because of that. Because of that,
I asked a question I wouldn’t have asked before.
“Why do you keep… paying attention… to me? Is it because you’re afraid you’ll fall asleep again if I die?”
“…No. But let’s just assume it is.”
It was an ambiguous answer, neither affirmation nor denial. I only got a stale feeling from asking in the first place.
My tongue moved on its own.
“Don’t worry, I’ll protect you, Grand Duke nim.”
“…”
Perhaps slightly shocked by such ill-mannered and random words, the Grand Duke’s gaze subtly trembled.
I tried to reel my words back in a bit.
“I mean, I’ll be a good, healthy charm so that you don’t lose to the Magi. Your safety is my concern now, too.”
‘It’s only natural since if this man goes wrong, it’s ruin for everyone.’
I want to live. And if possible, it would be better to live well.
Wheeee—
The sleet was getting heavier.
It was definitely too cold to stay outside in this weather without magic. I hugged my arms and said.
“Listen, can I ask you for one favor before I leave?”
He simply nodded his head, as if to say, ‘Go ahead and spout off.’
“Please suspect and be wary of me, Grand Duke nim. Don’t open your heart easily just because my soul color is pretty. Keep drawing the line.”
“…Irenne Valtres.”
“So that I don’t let my guard down anymore.”
I must have been a little too excited all this time.
Because of the unfamiliar goodwill shown by the Winter Castle, and the sense of stability that I was escaping the future ordained by the original story, without realizing it.
‘I need to pull myself together.’
An asylum seeker from the Empire needed in Bellmeier.
That’s the right position for me here. I won’t expect anything other than ‘necessity.’
Because expectations always lead to disappointment.
“It’s not that difficult, is it? You’re looking at someone else through me anyway, not me.”
At this point, it was impossible not to notice.
His gaze, which seemed to be digging into me, was exactly the same as the eyes that endlessly watched the snowy mountains from the ramparts.
Eyes that seemed to be tracing a memory.
He was projecting someone from the past onto me.
It wasn’t a pleasant feeling, but it didn’t matter. As long as I didn’t give him my heart, it was nothing that could hurt me.
The Grand Duke, stopped like a picture, pronounced the words slowly, as if chewing on them.
“…That is, you are—”
“No, I’m not curious. Don’t say it.”
I hurriedly cut him off and hastened my steps. The cold wind stung my skin.
“Then I’ll go inside. You have to grant my favor!”
