Chapter 13….
Don’t Know Why (3)
“By any chance, do you know Heeseong’s mother?”
“Heeseong’s mother… ah, I’ve met her once. Why do you ask?”
This was what Ayeon’s teacher explained.
She said that Shin Ji-eun was planning to stop by the park to play on the way to picking up Heeseong, and that Ayeon wanted to play too.
So she was calling to ask whether it would be okay if she watched Ayeon for a short while.
Lee Yea-eun hesitated.
‘Ayeon did seem like she was having fun….’
Last Saturday, the joy that had filled Ayeon’s face as she pushed Heeseong from afar was still vivid.
She also couldn’t forget the look in Ayeon’s eyes as she kept gazing out the car window on the way home, as if she wanted to play more.
“Does Ayeon want to go?”
“Yes. She keeps saying she wants to play with Heeseong.”
“Then…”
Lee Yea-eun thought that if her daughter wanted to play, she should let her.
But that thought lasted only a moment. Another idea flashed through her mind.
‘My daughter must not be looked down on.’
Skipping academy for one day wouldn’t kill anyone.
However, Lee Yea-eun was certain that it would move her that much farther away from first place.
That was why, even if her daughter wanted to play, she would tell her to endure it just a little longer.
“I’m sorry, but that’ll be difficult. Today as well, my sister will be taking her to the academy.”
“I understand! I’ll explain it well to Heeseong’s mother.”
“Thank you.”
After hanging up, Lee Yea-eun hurried to get ready to leave work.
If she was even a little late, traffic would clog up and she wouldn’t be able to move forward.
She had to leave now to arrive at Ayeon’s academy by 6:30.
If she waited thirty minutes at a café or convenience store near the academy,
Ayeon would walk out once classes ended, and the two of them would have dinner together.
They would either go to an expensive restaurant, or Lee Yea-eun would cook at home.
Though, since she wasn’t particularly good at cooking, most of the time they ate what the housekeeper aunt had prepared.
‘Let’s hurry.’
Lee Yea-eun left the company in a rush once again.
A not-so-refreshing Monday morning.
Inside the car heading toward kindergarten, light city pop was playing.
“What’s with that expression, my son? Is it because it’s Monday?”
“Yes…”
“Hahaha! You’re already suffering from the Monday blues at five years old?”
Of course, I disliked Mondays, but there was a much bigger issue occupying one side of my mind.
The image of Ayeon being dragged away by her mother, almost as if she were being pulled along, while crying last Saturday wouldn’t fade.
That scene replayed automatically in my head all weekend, giving rise to all sorts of worries.
‘How do I even ask about this?’
Crying doesn’t come as easily as people think.
The more memories that gently poke at your emotions enter your mind, the more the dam blocking your tear ducts begins to break.
I thought Ayeon must have been the same.
I wasn’t a psychologist, nor was I someone who specialized in caring for children, so I didn’t know for sure.
Still, compared to others, I had a heart that could approach emotions just a little more easily.
I also had a mind that could vividly recall even old scenes.
I made music using those strengths of mine.
Ever since Saturday, Ayeon’s face kept surfacing in my thoughts.
The sight of her struggling to keep up with her mother’s fast steps wouldn’t disappear from my head.
What should I say when I get to kindergarten today?
I couldn’t think of anything.
‘…Let’s just play the piano together.’
I wasn’t good with words.
Instead, I could feel music well, so I wanted to play together with her.
For someone who makes music, it’s easy to pour their heart into it.
Of course, it’s not limited only to people who make music.
Even those who simply listen to music while living their lives can do the same.
Depending on your mood at the time, don’t you gather songs that match the atmosphere?
‘They call that a playlist, right? I think Dad said something like that.’
Calm songs grouped with calm songs, exciting songs grouped with exciting songs.
By genre, by mood, or by taste.
Like bibimbap, music that perfectly fits the listener’s heart is all mixed together in one bowl.
Then what kind of feelings are contained in the music that flows from the hands of someone playing the piano?
‘I don’t know. That’s the performer’s heart.’
Still, I could tell the atmosphere.
Imagine there’s someone playing.
What kind of emotion would a performer have if they were biting their lower lip and squinting their eyes tightly?
I would think that person was feeling joy.
Of course, they might look angry.
But if you imagine upturned lips and a relaxed expression, that act would clearly be filled with happiness.
Yes, it’s even easier if you imagine the first sip of a cold beer or soda.
As that refreshing sensation flows down your throat, your eyes would close without you realizing, and your face would scrunch up.
Just add biting your lower lip slightly to that.
“Alright, son! Have a good day today! Mom says let’s eat out tonight.”
“Really? Wow, Mom’s the best! Dad’s the best!”
“Yeah, yeah. Study hard today, my son.”
“Yes! I’m off!”
Worries were worries, and eating out was eating out.
Mom’s home-cooked food was delicious, but the taste of eating out was something else entirely.
I was genuinely happy as I greeted my father.
As always, there were few children in the kindergarten I entered.
My father always brought me early, so there were no kids in the Moran Class yet.
‘Ayeon comes early too, but she’ll probably arrive in about ten minutes.’
Whenever I arrived at kindergarten, the teachers were always running around busily.
Watching this was its own kind of fun.
In front of the kids, they seemed capable of anything, but behind the scenes, they were ordinary people who made mistakes too.
Of course, I couldn’t just stand there watching.
I didn’t have a hobby of observing busy people, so I moved toward the corner of the Moran Class where the dolls were gathered.
‘Should I catch up on some sleep?’
Whether it was me living in modern-day Korea, or me living in distant past Europe, there was one thing that was the same.
I loved sleeping—an absurd amount.
The moment I laid my head down anywhere, I would fall asleep instantly.
A friend once said, “I envy your ability to fall asleep more than your musical talent.”
At kindergarten, there was nap time, so if you slept in the morning, you wouldn’t feel sleepy in the afternoon.
But not me.
It felt awkward to play with toys, and the teachers were too busy to talk.
So what else was there to do?
Sleep.
“Khooo….”
The moment my head touched the pillow, I drifted into dreamland.
Poke. Poke.
Poke, poke poke, pokokokopoke!
“Mm…!”
Something kept poking my cheek while I was sleeping soundly, and irritation surged up instantly.
“Ki-hit!”
Just hearing that mischievous voice, I knew who it was without even opening my eyes.
If I opened my eyes right away, it wouldn’t be fun.
I’ll show you the ferocity of a sleeping five-year-old possessed by an old man’s soul.
Squeeeze.
Poke, poke poke.
‘Not yet.’
I waited slowly for the other side to let their guard down.
Fishing was all about patience, after all.
“Is he sleeping really deeply? Why isn’t he waking up?”
Squeeeeeeze!
Poke, squeeeze!
After enduring the finger pokes until they were practically painful,
That moment finally came.
“Wah!”
“Kyahhh!”
When I shouted loudly, Ayeon’s scream echoed through the Moran Class.
For a moment, the other children’s gazes shot toward me, wondering what had happened.
“Ayeon, Heeseong. What’s going on?”
At the teacher’s question, Ayeon calmed her startled heart and spoke slowly.
“He, Heeseong woke up…”
The teacher chuckled as she looked at Ayeon, who had a hand on her chest and was muttering, “Phew, that really scared me…”
It seemed that Ayeon had seen me sleeping and asked to wake me up.
She patted Ayeon’s head and said, “Good job, Ayeon.”
Then she scolded me instead.
“Heeseong, you’re going to take a nap later, right? What if you sleep now?”
“Um… I was just really sleepy. I’m sorry…”
“Next time you’re sleepy, tell the teacher, okay?”
“Yes!”
Fortunately, I didn’t get scolded too badly.
Just before class started, the other kids and I gathered to sit together.
It was partly to check attendance, but today was also the day Jung Mirae was coming.
That was why we gathered early, to move quickly.
“Yura-ssaem! Just a moment.”
At that moment, Park Jeong-ah hurried over and whispered something into her ear.
The more their conversation went on, the worse Teacher Yura’s expression became.
Since Ayeon and I were sitting in the front, I could hear parts of their exchange.
“Jeong-ah-ssaem, …what do we do?”
“For now, let’s …ask the kids.”
“Okay… then let’s …do that.”
After saying she understood, Teacher Yura cleared her throat.
Wiping away the sweat, she spoke.
“Everyone. Today, Teacher Jung Mirae is sick, so it looks like we won’t be able to have music class.”
“Gasp…!”
“Is Teacher Mirae very sick…?”
At the news that Jung Mirae was sick, all the children were startled and began to worry about her.
Every child here had talked with Jung Mirae at least once and played the piano with her.
Even aside from that, anyone would worry if their teacher was sick.
I did too, and so did Ayeon.
“She caught a cold. We can’t let it spread to you, so she’ll rest just for today, and she should be able to come tomorrow!”
“Phew… that’s a relief.”
“Instead, I want to ask if there are any friends who still want to go to the music room today. If you want to play the piano, can you raise your hand?”
At those words, most of the children—including me—raised their hands.
Some energetic kids even shouted, “I want to play the piano!” or “I want to go to the music room!”
As if she’d expected this result, Teacher Yura nodded.
“Then let’s move to the music room!”
As always, we lined up and moved.
As usual, Ayeon stood beside me.
“Everyone, today you can play any song you want as much as you like!”
“Waaah!”
“Heeseong, let’s play together!”
Ayeon grabbed my hand and pulled me toward the piano in the corner that had basically become our assigned seat.
Sitting right next to me, Ayeon opened her eyes wide and sparkling as she asked,
“What should we play today?”
She seemed to be expecting to play the piano together with me again today.
But today, I probably wouldn’t touch the piano at all.
I wanted to listen properly to Ayeon’s performance.
I wanted to hear music filled with a child’s pure heart, without any interference.
“Ayeon.”
“Hm?”
“Did your mom scold you a lot on Saturday?”
“Uh…”
At my words, Ayeon lowered her head and fidgeted with her fingers.
Her long hair covered her face, so I couldn’t see her expression.
“Um…”
Ayeon hesitated for a long time.
Meanwhile, the sounds of other children playing filled the music room.
“I didn’t get scolded.”
“Really? Then that’s a relief.”
“Yeah…”
Her hair kept swaying.
Her shoulders trembled, and her head kept nodding slightly.
I leaned my body just a bit.
Just a little, I could see Ayeon’s mouth.
Her tightly shut lips kept trying to open.
Small teeth bit down hard on her thin lips.
It was as if she had something she wanted to say, but believed she shouldn’t, squeezing her eyes shut.
Like a dam barely holding back water, it looked like it could burst at any moment.
‘If it’s going to burst, it should burst in a good way.’
That was a musician’s way of expression.
“Ayeon, I want to listen to your playing today.”
Rather than playing together, I wanted to hear Ayeon play alone.
I didn’t know exactly why.
It was just a strong intuition striking my head, telling me that I needed to listen carefully to the child’s performance.
“…My playing?”
Ayeon pondered my words.
Since she was a child who loved playing the piano, her hesitation didn’t last long.
“What song should I play for you?”
“I want to hear the song you like the most.”
“The song I like the most…?”
“Yeah. The kind of song that makes lots of good memories come flooding back when you hear it. Don’t you have one like that?”
Ayeon fell into thought for a moment.
I didn’t know what kind of thoughts she was having.
Ayeon’s piano playing was different from that of other kids her age.
She must have spent that much time in front of the piano, so there was surely a song she loved.
After finishing her thoughts, Ayeon looked at me and spoke.
I could tell there was certainty in her eyes.
“Yeah… I have one.”
“Then how are you feeling right now?”
“How I’m feeling…?”
“Express your feelings with the song you like.”
At my words, a question mark appeared on Ayeon’s face.
Still, if it was Ayeon, she would understand and reveal herself.
She continued thinking for a bit longer.
Though she was only five years old, the way she pondered made her look exactly like a musician.
That was why I believed she would play something truly wonderful.
Ayeon thought.
About what song she liked the most.
The more she thought about it, the more she felt something she had forgotten suddenly rising up in her mind.
And she decided that the feeling wasn’t unpleasant.
So maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to entrust herself to that feeling.
“…I’ll try.”
Ayeon’s hesitation came to an end, and her small hands were placed on the large keys.
A single note, trembling ever so slightly, began it all.
