ABSCS 41

Chapter 41

 After Waking from the Dream (2)

Even if he had ten mouths, he had nothing to say.

For the first time in his life, Cedric truly understood the exact use of that old saying. There could be no moment more fitting than now.

“Yus.”

“…I have something I want to ask.”

Her voice was low and cold.

The woman in pure white, eyes closed, gripped the blanket so tightly her delicate hand had turned pale.

Her frail, fleeting figure, as if she might vanish at any moment, made his heart sink.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Yus, I—”

“You knew, didn’t you?”

He couldn’t read her expression.

Was it sorrow? Anger? Resentment? Shame?

One thing was certain—it was not the usual serene face she wore as a “saint.” Cedric, realizing this, couldn’t help wondering if she was treating him differently, and felt a faint, guilty sense of joy.

“Did you just not want to be seen with me?”

“That’s not it—”

He opened his mouth, then closed it again.

He wanted to choose his words carefully. He wasn’t much of a speaker to begin with, and the feelings he’d had while being with her recently were far too complicated.

To feel joy at their reunion, yet also shame at how small he became before her—it wasn’t something he could lay bare so honestly.

So he tried to—

“…I’m joking!”

But when Eustinas wiped away her dispirited expression and replaced it with that ever-present, mask-like smile, Cedric felt something was wrong.

“I’m sure you had your reasons. I was a bit surprised, but… honestly, I’d already guessed as much.”

She gave a gentle smile.

“My eyes are a little creepy, aren’t they?”

“What?”

Where on earth was that coming from?

At what point had she reached that conclusion?

Cedric’s eyes widened in disbelief as Eustinas, still wearing that mechanical smile, lifted a hand to cover her closed eyes.

“I’m not the same as I was in your memories. I can understand if you feel uncomfortable.”

“…What are you talking about?”

“Cedric, I’m not normal.”

She spoke evenly.

“The eyes burned by the flames, the leg I injured this time—they probably can’t be restored to the way they were.”

In that instant, Cedric shuddered at a pain that seemed to stab straight into his chest. Every flaw she mentioned was tied to him.

“Of course, if I can save people, I don’t care what happens to my body. But…”

Her smile faded.

“The moment I lose the title of saint, I’m just a crippled, useless person. Maybe that’s why you avoided me.”

“Yus.”

“I was a little sad… But don’t worry. I’ll be fine tomorrow.”

“Yus!”

He couldn’t hold back any longer and grabbed her shoulders.

“Creepy? How could you think that? I’ve never—not once—looked at you that way!”

It was the truth.

He had never once thought she would care about something so trivial. She was far too strong to be concerned with mere appearances.

And more than that—no scar or unseeing eye could hide the fact that Eustinas was simply too beautiful. If she hadn’t been blind, there’s no way they could have had this conversation—because she would see in the mirror every day the face of a beauty unmatched in the world.

“Cedric, you’re so kind.”

“You’re the kind one!”

He barked out the words, almost irritably.

“And useless? What on earth—why would you think—? The reason I pretended not to know you, it’s because…”

Her head tilted up toward him, eyes still closed.

Cedric fought to keep his heart from bursting out of his chest.

“You pretended not to know me because…?”

“Because… because…”

Just say it.

Just be honest. It wasn’t that hard. Really.

“I was… embarrassed.”

There. He’d said it.

Cedric let out the confession in a voice that almost crawled away from him.

“You became such an incredible person while I wasn’t looking, and… when I stand in front of you, I feel like I’ve turned back into that shabby kid from when we first met.”

Now that it was out, he thought he’d feel—

—No. Instead, his face burned hot. He imagined what a pathetic expression he must be wearing right now and wanted to die halfway.

“I’ve only ever taken from you. You were the one who took a starving alley rat and made him a person. You were the one who saved the children from the fire. You were the one who pulled me out when I was stupidly wandering in a dream. And in return… you’ve lost so much.”

The more he spoke, the heavier the pain grew. Every time he saw her closed eyes or the scarred leg under the blanket, guilt stabbed into his chest like a thorn.

Unable to bear it any longer, Cedric sank to his knees. His large frame meant that even like this, he was almost level with her where she lay.

Desperately, he clasped her rough, scarred hand.

“When we met again, I swore I’d protect you with my life. But look at me now—every time I stand in front of you, I’m just some damned fool who can only be saved, never save. I can’t do anything!”

It was a pitiful confession. Cedric roughly rubbed at the blur forming in his eyes.

Eustinas stayed silent. For a long while, the only sound in the room was Cedric’s uneven breathing as he struggled to calm down.

After some time—

“…Cedric.”

Eustinas reached out her right hand.

It fumbled in the air, searching for something, until it brushed his nose and then slid to his left cheek.

Once she found the right spot, her left hand joined it on his right cheek.

Her hands were rough with scars.

But they were warm.

His face was now completely held between her palms.

It was a weak hold—he could break free at any moment. Yet it was also a restraint he could never resist.

Cedric looked straight at Eustinas, eyes still wet.

The sunlight through the window seemed to halo around her, and he felt as though he were gazing upon a holy image from some legend.

Then came a small laugh.

“…Yus?”

“Sorry. It’s just… a little funny.”

Cedric stared at her blankly. She was smiling now—not the mask she’d worn earlier, but like a real person.

“I guess we still both turn into kids in front of each other.”

She let out a sigh tinged with laughter.

“It’s been a long time since I’ve been this honest. As you know, a saint is someone who receives emotions, not someone who pours them out.”

Her words brought Cedric a deep sense of comfort and kinship. He, too, hadn’t broken down and cried so pitifully in the last ten years.

“Me too.”

“Mm. I thought so. Cedric, you’ve grown into a fine swordsman.”

She smiled brightly.

“Just like you said ten years ago—you’ve become a good adult. I’m glad.”

“…Yeah.”

His throat closed up suddenly.

Cedric looked back on the past ten years and felt fear creep in.

She’d be disappointed, wouldn’t she?

Honestly, he had never once thought of himself as a “good adult.” If you had any sense, you wouldn’t call a man who could slaughter hundreds in a single job a good person.

“Yus, actually…”

I’m not that good of an adult.

I’m sorry.

But I’ll try. If you want me to, I can be anything.

Really—

Just as he was about to apologize—

“So don’t be sorry. If it means I can protect the good adult Cedric, I’d gladly give up my leg any time.”

Cedric sucked in a sharp breath.

Checkmate.

The conscience that had been sleeping since Yustinas’s “death” peeked out and jabbed him—How dare you forget me?

“Cedric? Why are you trembling?”

“A—ah, it’s nothing.”

With dead, black eyes, he flailed weakly over her hands still cupping his cheeks.

Forget wanting to die halfway—if he had a conscience, he should be throwing himself out the window right now.

I’m trash.

Cedric muttered bitterly to himself.

Hmph.

Meanwhile, Eustinas let out a contented sigh as she watched the gloomy Cedric.

The “gentle yet unyielding saint” who could bare her heart to her first love while never forgetting her duty—this character had a carefully crafted philosophy.

The Eustinas she was playing was a perfect saint—always noble, willing to jump into fire for others.

But that didn’t mean she had no emotions. She was still a weak human who could feel fear, anxiety, and despair.

What made “Eustinas” a saint was that, no matter the hardship, she would stand up and fulfill her duty.

…Or so Yu Na, the real person behind her, had decided. In any case, keeping up the act was good for her quest.

To think he’d crumble this much already. Better results than expected.

Truthfully, she’d only expected to stir a bit of Cedric’s guilt and raise his loyalty. If things went well, she might even play the lover role on the side.

She would do anything—

—if it meant she could go home.

“Yuna, you’re getting off work today, right? Should I come pick you up from school?”

“Hmph. Daddy believes in his daughter.”

“…Well, for you, of course a PhD is a given. Just don’t be too smart—it’s annoying to be compared to you, you know?”

Ding.

In her cold blue eyes, the status window appeared.

[Main Quest]
Save 1 billion people.
Current: 50,882,212

Seeing the slowly rising progress, she hugged Cedric and thought blankly—

Ah. I miss Mom.