Chapter 39
Derwin remembered that day vividly.
How could he ever forget the day when the people who had shared life and death with him screamed and struggled under torture?
A scheme.
Derwin could not understand why he had fallen into such an obvious trap.
Not even once had he desired the throne—not the slightest flicker of ambition.
And yet, everyone pointed their fingers at him, tormenting the friends who had trusted him.
He could not comprehend a single thing about the situation. Only one truth stood out clearly:
If he gave up everything, perhaps those who had trusted and followed him might live again.
The trust Derwin had given to those around him shattered in an instant.
The loyalty he had offered the king, the friendship he had given his companion—everything he had given from a pure heart had returned to him as sharp blades that cut deep.
Derwin began to doubt the very concept of trust.
What was trust between people? Did it even exist?
Betrayal. It was his first time experiencing it, and yet… it felt oddly familiar.
And so Derwin began to grow detached from everything in the world.
He had tried to abandon everything and leave.
But someone held him back.
And there were still people who believed in him, who stayed at his side.
Even though he had closed his heart, he could not be the first to abandon those who were suffering. He did not want to cause them the same pain that others had caused him. Even if he were to be betrayed and cast aside again.
So he remained.
Stripped of his title as knight commander, reduced to nothing more than a royal guard under the hollow name of “honorary duke”—but he decided not to care.
Only after some time had passed did Derwin finally understand.
Why his lord, the king, had abandoned him.
Why his dear friend, Stern, had betrayed him and trampled him to rise higher.
The answer was simple.
Because they were humans, creatures of endless desire.
Derwin spoke of the past as it came to mind. Calmly, as though recounting the story of someone else, and briefly at that.
Chanelica listened quietly, reacting to each part, and then summarized the situation.
“So, in the past, you contributed greatly to His Majesty the King’s rise to the throne, and for that you were given the title of commander of the Kaisel Knights and an honorary dukedom. But then the current commander slandered you, and you were forced to step down—reduced to the royal guard you are now.”
Derwin stayed silent.
She had rephrased it as gently as possible, but still, Chanelica grasped everything precisely. She wasn’t wrong.
“And now, in this situation, the commander wants you to become vice-commander of the Kaisel Knights?”
Chanelica was close to Stern.
Derwin thought that he had let slip everything under the faint haze of alcohol. He regretted it.
Speaking ill of someone else in front of her—so undignified.
“You’ve only heard my side, so it won’t sound reliable. Since you’re acquainted with Sir Stern… please listen to his story as well, to be fair.”
“……”
“And please… I’d rather you not think Sir Stern a bad person. No matter what he is to me, to you, he’s still a good person.”
Ashamed by his own words, Derwin lowered his head and stared at his knees.
The thought of Chanelica going to Stern and hearing him ridicule Derwin—it felt ridiculous. Would Chanelica also come to hate him like the others?
“Duke.”
This had been a mistake. He had definitely drunk too much.
Derwin thought he should end it here and send Chanelica back. She had heard enough.
“How… how can you say such a thing?”
Was that… a quiver?
Her usually cheerful voice sounded unusual.
Startled, Derwin lifted his head—and saw Chanelica, her eyes brimming with tears.
“You should be angry! ‘That wretched man made me suffer like this. Isn’t he awful? Don’t get close to him!’ That’s what you should say!”
She seemed angry, too.
It was the first time Derwin had ever seen her like this. With just a blink, those tears trembling at her lashes would surely fall.
“Please don’t cry, Lady Chanelica.”
“How can I not cry? When you’re hurting like this?”
“I never said I was hur—”
“But you are. Your heart is saying it. Even if you pretend to be fine, I can see it all. I can see how deep your wounds are.”
And finally, the tears spilled down her pale cheeks.
Chanelica’s heart ached.
Her emotions surged wildly inside her. It wasn’t because she was a hatchling or sharing emotions through a dragon heart—that was something only true holy dragons could do. It was strange. She had only heard Derwin’s story, and yet it felt as though she herself had endured it, every sorrow and hardship.
“Please, stop crying.”
“My tears… won’t stop. Hic.”
While you were going through such things in the human world, I was lazing about in the lair, only resenting you.
The more she thought of his words, the more upset she became. She no longer cared that this was supposed to be his “play.” All she could think about was—what was she doing while Derwin suffered so?
Why did he have to lose his memory, become human, and suffer such humiliation? Why? He was supposed to be the mighty Dragon Lord!
As Chanelica wept, it was Derwin who regained clarity.
“My lady, I must have spoken foolishly. Please, don’t cry. Everyone goes through such things in life.”
“Hic… Do you know? Right now, I’m crying for you. Because you can’t.”
Chanelica wiped her tears with her skirt. But the more she wiped, the more tears flowed, soaking the lace until it grew heavy. It was the first time she had ever cried like this in her human form.
Derwin quietly watched her, then stood and moved to sit beside her. He gently took out his handkerchief and began to wipe her damp eyes.
And then Chanelica suddenly leaned into him.
“Hic…”
Her sudden embrace startled him, but Derwin carefully patted her back. She was so small, fitting neatly within his arms. The more she cried, the more his chest grew damp with her tears.
She truly was beautiful.
As Derwin looked at the soft pink of her hair resting against him, he thought: he had seen women cry many times before. But Chanelica’s tears—every drop was genuine.
“You even empathize with such weak human emotions.”
He swallowed back the words, “Even though you’re a dragon.”
For surely a great being like a dragon would never shed tears for someone like him.
And yet, as her tears soaked into his chest, it felt as though old wounds long left untreated were finally beginning to heal. Her delicate tears felt like medicine.
“It’s not weakness. You went through all that, and yet you’ve endured and lived until now.”
After crying against him for a long while, Chanelica finally pulled away. Her eyes, red from tears, looked up at him.
“I’ll punish the commander for you.”
“Your thought alone is enough.”
“No, really. I’ll tell him to stop tormenting you. Because when you’re hurting, I’m hurting too. I don’t want to see you suffer.”
“……”
“Don’t believe me? Should I go to him right now?”
Chanelica shot up to her feet, full of determination—as though she really would confront Stern even at this late hour. But Derwin wasn’t focused on her actions.
“When you’re hurting, I’m hurting too.”
Those words echoed in his ears.
Why? Why would she hurt just because he did?
The last traces of alcohol fled him. His mind grew clear, and with it surged a powerful, undeniable desire.
He had lived detached for years now, but at this moment, he could not suppress his emotions.
As Chanelica made to leave, Derwin gently tugged her shoulder back with his fingers. The small woman stood before him, looking up clearly from the height of his chest.
Locking eyes with her vivid mint-colored gaze, Derwin spoke.
“Why?”
The abrupt question made Chanelica blink, unable to answer.
“When I suffer, why do you suffer too?”
“……”
“Why would you try to confront the one who hurt me?”
His gaze pierced into her, black eyes burning with intensity. Chanelica found it hard to speak.
“Th… that’s… a good question.”
She barely managed the vague reply.
“Did you not come to my room tonight because you were worried about me?”
“Y-yes.”
“Then why are you worried about me?”
“Because… you’re a good person.”
“As I said, Sir Stern is also a good person to you. If he were in pain like me, would you cry for him like this?”
Chanelica drew in a sharp breath.
Her mind told her she should say “yes.”
But the words wouldn’t come.
Truthfully, even if Eleusis or Stern suffered, she doubted she could respond the same way.
And above all, the emotion in Derwin’s gaze unsettled her deeply.
Why… why are you looking at me like that? Don’t tell me… don’t tell me…?
“Lady Chanelica.”
Her heart skipped a beat at the low, deep voice calling her name. For a fleeting moment, the silence felt like the calm before a storm.
“Once again, let me remind you. I am not a dragon, nor am I your mate. Whatever the truth, as long as I have lost my memory, I cannot be such a being for you.”
“I know.”
“But… I don’t mind if you see me as one.”
“What? What do you mean?”
“So please—show that kindness only to me.”
“……”
“I dislike seeing you with other men. Not only Sir Stern, but even His Majesty the King. I hate the thought of you spending time with them, or being caught up in rumors with them.”
Derwin rarely said “I hate” anything. But now he was laying bare his strongest desire, the possessiveness he had long suppressed.
“I want you to spend every day with me. I wish it were you I was guarding, not the princess. I wish it were me who dined with you, who conversed with you.”
The more he spoke, the more he realized.
His earlier resolve to keep distance for a time had only been cowardice. He had merely bound and hidden his heart because he did not know her feelings.
But now, there was no need.
It wasn’t one-sided. He was certain of how Chanelica felt. And even if it were an illusion, it was too late. He could no longer hide the fire burning in him before this beautiful woman.
“Lady Chanelica. I like you.”
His storm-like words shook the room.
And Chanelica’s already-stunned mind went utterly blank.
Confession.
So this man… just now… confessed to me? A love confession?
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