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Delsia exhaled slowly and struggled to rise from her place. Her legs wobbled dozens of times, and tears fell in streams as she made her way to the bed. When she finally reached it, she collapsed onto it with a thud. Wiping the tears that had streamed down her cheeks with the back of her hand, she leaned against the bed and lay down slowly.
A merciless dawn arrived. Delsia tossed and turned in discomfort as the bright sun rose in the sky. When she opened her eyes, she gazed toward the window and sat up. She was able to move far better than yesterday, though her whole body still felt stiff, since she had slept without properly covering herself with the blanket.
“Miss.”
Ann knocked on the door and called to her. Delsia turned her head slowly toward the sound. Through the gently opened door, it wasn’t Ann’s face that appeared, but Ella’s.
“…Ella?”
“Miss…”
Surely Ella’s week-long leave hadn’t ended yet—so why was she at the mansion? For a moment, Delsia wondered if she was seeing things, missing the constant presence of Ella for several days.
“Miss, what’s happened…?”
Delsia quickly realized she wasn’t hallucinating. Ella knelt before her, covering Delsia’s hand with her warm palm. Her face was paler than usual, perhaps from returning from her leave.
Delsia tried to force a smile, even attempting to make a joke, but her lips only trembled.
“Miss, you planned for this from the beginning, didn’t you? That’s why you sent me on leave, isn’t it?”
“Ella.”
“I… I…”
Ella fell silent, unable to continue. Delsia turned her face away. Ella’s genuine concern mirrored the way her father and brother seemed to pity her, making it almost unbearable to meet her gaze. She was used to empty praise, not heartfelt worry.
Delsia clenched her fists and attempted to rise, but as soon as she tried to put weight on her legs, she collapsed back onto the bed.
“…Ah.”
“Ah, Miss!”
Ella’s alarmed shout made Delsia close her eyes tightly. It was humiliating.
She hadn’t wanted anyone—Ella, her family, the servants, or even Edwin—to see her like this: weak, pitiful, ridiculous. Yet here she was, showing the very image she had tried so hard to hide.
“…Ella.”
A quiet voice escaped Delsia’s lips as she slowly opened her eyes.
“Yes, Miss. Tell me. Anything. Please, just speak.”
“…Could you help me up?”
“Of course, Miss. I’ll do it right away.”
“Thank you, Ella. Always… thank you.”
Ella took Delsia’s hand and carefully helped her to her feet. Wobbling, Delsia took tentative steps. Each time she gripped the bedpost and Ella’s hand for support, her legs trembled.
Just lying down for a day or two. Just because her heart had changed. Just because Edwin… Edwin had forgotten her. Was it possible for a person to crumble so easily? Or was she really such a fragile person?
As Ella helped her out of the bedroom, Delsia was suddenly lifted by someone else.
“…Ah.”
“Delsia.”
It was Arnold. Holding her in his arms, he gave a faint smile.
“Put me down.”
“Sorry.”
Arnold quietly apologized as he carried her down the stairs. Upon entering the dining room, they saw Count Ferdo already seated.
“Good morning, Delsi.”
“…Father.”
The family acted as if nothing had happened, and it hurt Delsia’s heart. With Arnold’s help, she sat down and looked at them.
“You must be hungry. Let’s eat.”
“Take your time, Delsia.”
“…Yes.”
Kind words were offered one by one. Delsia, trembling, lifted a spoon to scoop some thin soup into her mouth. Yet the amount that reached her mouth was pitifully small; her hands lacked strength, and the soup dribbled as she carried it.
After just one spoonful, her eyelashes quivered. It was a helplessness she had never felt before. Clenching the spoon tightly, she tried again. After a few more attempts, anger overcame her, and she slammed the spoon down.
She wiped her mouth with a napkin.
“…Not hungry, are you?”
“…Yes.”
Her remaining shred of pride forced her to nod. Count Ferdo, seeing this, averted his gaze. As a father, pretending not to notice what his daughter wanted to hide seemed the right way to protect her.
Even if his heart ached as though it would rot away, showing nothing and acting as if nothing had happened would be better for his daughter.
Yes. It had to be that way.
“Hah… haah…”
Delsia clutched her heart as Ella supported her. Fortunately, the streets of the capital were nearly empty. They entered a coffee house and took a seat. Delsia checked the letter in her hand once more.
It was a note from Theo, asking about Edwin’s schedule. Edwin planned to visit the coffee house at this time. Delsia put the letter away, her eyes fixed on the door Edwin and Theo would enter from.
“Miss, are you truly alright?”
“Y-yes.”
“But just in case, don’t push yourself. If anything feels uncomfortable, tell me immediately, okay?”
Delsia nodded slowly. Minutes passed. The tea on the table had long since gone cold. Ella, worried that her mistress wasn’t looking at the tea—or at her—but only at the door, shifted uneasily.
Then the coffee house door opened. Edwin and Theo appeared.
“So, what exactly is the reason for coming to this coffee house?”
“Ha ha… well, I like drinking tea, don’t I? Around this time, I feel like having some warm, fragrant tea.”
Theo glanced toward Delsia, giving a subtle signal. Ella started to rise, intending to approach, but Delsia’s gesture kept her seated. Even though Delsia had secretly wanted to see Edwin, she remained still now that he was before her.
“Miss…”
“I’m fine, Ella. Really.”
“But…”
“Just watching… is enough.”
Delsia smiled faintly. In truth, just watching wasn’t enough. She wanted to run to him and hold him, so much so that her legs could barely support her. But recalling Edwin, puzzled and unaware of her identity, she could not act.
He wouldn’t recognize her if she revealed herself. So she couldn’t. Delsia shook her head silently, despite Theo’s continued signals.
Her gaze shifted to Edwin, and their eyes met. Her pupils trembled. Her heart seemed to pound in her chest.
“Edwin…”
She whispered his name without realizing it.
“If you’re done, I’ll be going.”
“…Yes.”
Yet Edwin turned away, as if he had seen nothing, heard nothing. Theo extended his reply, following him.
Delsia, dazed, watched them leave, then reached for her teacup with trembling hands. She lifted it slowly to her lips.
“…The tea’s cold.”
“Yes. It’s been quite a while.”
It had been nearly an hour since she had settled in the coffee house. Delsia set the cup down, stood with difficulty, and Ella hurried to help. With Ella’s aid, Delsia rode back to the mansion by carriage.
“Delsi, where do you think you’re going in this fragile state, hmm?”
“…Just to get some air.”
“Oh, Delsi. You should be taking absolute rest.”
“I’m sorry.”
Hearing the regret in Count Ferdo’s voice, Delsia apologized and went up to her room.
“Ella, thank you. I… I can go out now.”
“Are you sure? What about dinner…?”
“I’m… fine. Dinner’s fine too.”
“Yes. If you need anything, call anytime, understood?”
Ella reminded her one last time before leaving. Alone, Delsia sat on the bed, staring blankly out the window. The sunset spread across the mansion grounds.
“…Edwin.”
She whispered his name. She had had the chance to face him—twice at least—but hadn’t been able to seize either opportunity. Lack of courage.
Still, at the coffee house, she had spoken his name, though he had left without hearing it. Her eyes burned red.
“Edwin… I want to see you.”
Despite trying not to hope, hope kept rising; because she hoped, disappointment followed. It felt foolish. Yet she could not abandon hope, nor avoid disappointment. She loved Edwin too much to give up on either.
Darkness was falling outside, soon to steal all the light.
Delsia lay on the bed, eyes tightly shut. She wished the darkness would take even her fragile hopes with it. If it did, perhaps the pain would ease, perhaps she could finally abandon her lingering attachments.
So she wished for it.
