Chapter 16
Kartian stopped in front of Lia’s door, his heart pounding.
It had been three whole days since his last visit.
Because of that, his heart felt like it might burst.
Still, unlike before, he had not come just because he missed her for no reason.
Of course, even now, there was no real need for him to visit her personally. He could have simply sent a maid to deliver the message. But he wanted to see her, even if it was like this. He wanted to make an excuse to come.
He was afraid, too. Afraid of seeing her indifferent face, afraid of hearing those cold words come from her lips.
But now that he was standing in front of her door, all of that felt meaningless.
Nothing could stop him. He could not hide his desire to see her.
Just the fact that he was standing here, able to see her soon, made his heart tremble uncontrollably.
The fact that he had endured this long was impressive in itself.
Leaving his hesitation behind, Kartian slowly and carefully opened the door and stepped inside.
Inside the room, Lia was leaning back in a chair, reading a book.
Sunlight streamed in through the window, illuminating her. Her silver hair sparkled brilliantly, and her blue eyes shone calmly.
Perhaps because she was focused, her neatly closed lips showed a clean, gentle line.
She seemed to have stayed indoors, dressed lightly, yet her appearance made the clothes look beautiful instead.
No amount of gold or jewels could ever dull her beauty.
Kartian stood there, gazing at Lia in quiet admiration.
Not wanting to disturb her, he did not announce his presence.
Her eyes were completely fixed on the book, but just being able to look at her made him happy.
It felt like finding an oasis in the middle of a desert—his heart overflowed with excitement and joy.
How much time had passed?
After finishing one book, Lia reached for another.
At that moment, her gaze briefly shifted elsewhere.
Her eyes landed on Kartian standing in front of her, and only then did she notice him.
“There’s no need to greet me. Just stay as you are, Lia.”
Unnecessary greetings would only be a bother.
Her soft voice alone was enough.
“Since you say it isn’t necessary, I won’t greet you formally.”
In truth, having sat for so long, it was inconvenient to stand up just to greet him.
More than that, it surprised her.
She had thought she might not see his face at all after that last conversation.
Then again, thinking about his personality, it would have been strange for him to stop coming just because of one remark.
“You seem to really like reading.”
“I don’t have anything else to do.”
That was how the Empress’s daily life was.
Sometimes she embroidered gifts for her husband or handled internal affairs—that was all.
But none of that applied to Lia.
There was no need to prepare gifts for Kartian, and the internal affairs were handled by someone else. So Lia had nothing to do.
“…Ah.”
Kartian frowned slightly at her words.
When she said she had nothing to do, he realized that the internal affairs that should have been hers were being handled by others.
“I’m sorry.”
“There’s no need to apologize.”
“But still… the things you were supposed to do—I mean, I, or rather, the me before losing my memory, prevented you from doing them.”
It had been done to ensure she had no power at all. He had not thought deeply about it back then.
“Well, it’s fine. I’m just a little bored. I don’t really have any complaints.”
Her indifferent tone caused Kartian to feel slightly hurt.
He knew she didn’t miss him or feel happy to see him.
So why did it still hurt like this?
“It’s been a while.”
“Yes, it has.”
Three days was not a long time to Lia, but she nodded as if to agree.
“You… didn’t think about me at all, did you?”
Kartian spoke with a bitter expression.
Lia frowned slightly. To be honest, it wasn’t true that she hadn’t thought about him at all. Not just a little—she had thought about him quite a lot.
Against her own will.
But she had no intention of saying that. It was better not to give him that kind of hope.
So she said nothing.
“I came because there’s something I needed to tell you. Though to you, it’s probably just another bother.”
Kartian muttered bitterly, his expression gloomy.
“What is it?”
If it were news of her deposition, that would be perfect.
But there was no way the amnesiac Kartian would say something like that.
“There will be a ball soon.”
“…Ah.”
Lia made a small sound and frowned. A ball. She didn’t like it.
‘That kind of thing is annoying. It irritates me.’
She already knew how the other nobles looked at her. She didn’t even need to imagine what she would face there.
They would surely pick fights again, desperate to drag her down.
But if they tried that again, she would not stay quiet.
Letting it go once was enough. She had no intention of enduring it twice.
“If you don’t want to go, you don’t have to attend.”
Kartian said this after noticing her frown.
“…Is that really okay?”
No matter the reason for the ball, if the Emperor attended, the Empress was expected to be there as well.
“…It doesn’t matter.”
Kartian said, biting his lip.
After speaking, he quickly added more, realizing his words had come out sharper than he intended.
What he meant was not that it didn’t matter whether she attended or not, but that it didn’t matter what the nobles said if she didn’t attend.
He didn’t want to force her to do something she hated.
“What do you mean by that?”
Lia asked, placing the book she had been about to open on her lap.
It hadn’t sounded dismissive, but she wanted to be sure.
“No matter what anyone says, if you don’t want to go, you don’t have to attend the ball.”
‘Ah. As I thought.’
Lia understood.
Still, she didn’t think she could really skip it.
If she didn’t attend, that would cause trouble in its own way.
Those people were already desperate to tear her down.
If she attended, they would talk about Kartian’s changed attitude. If she didn’t, they would talk anyway.
Which was better?
“I’ll think about it.”
It was hard to decide right away.
If people were going to talk either way, she needed to choose the lesser problem.
“…All right.”
Kartian nodded gloomily.
‘So… is that everything?’
He had said he came to tell her something, and now that he had, there seemed to be no more reason to talk.
Thinking that, Lia opened the book on her lap again.
At that sight, Kartian clenched his fist.
He knew she was that kind of woman.
To Lia, she had said everything she needed to say. But to Kartian, it wasn’t like that.
He had finally come to see her after a long time. He didn’t want this meeting to end so easily.
Even if he couldn’t hear that she missed him, he wanted to ask how she had been, whether anything had happened—just a simple exchange.
“…Lia…”
Kartian trembled slightly as he spoke with difficulty.
Hearing his small voice, Lia looked up at him.
“Do you hate being with me that much? Do you want me to leave that badly? Do you really not want to even have a simple conversation with me?”
His lips trembled, sounding both resentful and sad.
Lia frowned. She hadn’t opened the book because she wanted to chase him away. He had come to deliver a message, and once that was done, she thought there was nothing more to say.
“I really missed you. I missed you so much that I couldn’t focus on anything.”
Kartian spoke as if confessing his heart.
“Then why didn’t you come?” Lia said calmly. “You always did before.”
If that was the case, why not just come?
“You were always like that. Whenever I came, you acted annoyed. At the same time, you acted like it didn’t matter whether I came or not.”
That wasn’t wrong.
Lia had always been like that.
Because it was true.
But seeing him say it with such a sorrowful expression and a voice trembling as if he might cry made her uneasy.
She had already been feeling unsettled because of him.
His visits weren’t welcome—but they weren’t exactly unpleasant either.
“Why didn’t I come? How could I? I knew exactly how you would react. Especially after hearing those words from you.”
‘Do you know how much that hurt me? The wound hasn’t healed yet, and I didn’t have the courage to be hurt again.’
“I knew it. I knew you had no interest in me at all. I pretended not to notice, but that didn’t mean it was fine.”
‘But if I don’t cling to you and approach you myself, nothing will ever change between us… so…’
Kartian bit his lip, stopping himself.
There was so much he wanted to say.
How painful her words had been, how cruel, how hard it had been for him to even come to this room.
He wanted to pour out all his feelings.
Whether it sounded desperate or like he was begging for her sympathy—he didn’t care.
But he couldn’t continue.
Because he knew that none of it would become something Lia truly cared about.
He understood why she treated him this way. He knew it.
“…Ha.”
Lia, who had been listening quietly, let out a sigh.
At that sound, Kartian flinched.
He was trying to hide it, but Lia could see it.
His trembling fist. His eyes.
The way his face twisted in pain.
She should ignore it. She had decided to ignore it.
Lia frowned in irritation.
This wasn’t what she wanted to see.
If he had shown the same attitude as before losing his memory, it would have been easier. If he had demanded affection like that, she could have ignored him completely.
But now, seeing him expose his feelings so openly, showing weakness like this—she couldn’t ignore it.
Lia was helplessly weak toward people who were weak, and toward those who showed sincerity.
Whether Kartian intended it or not, his behavior was touching her weakest point.
“All right. I won’t deny it. Everything you said is true.”
‘As expected.’
Kartian felt a deep sense of despair at her words. But that wasn’t the end.
“But I wasn’t trying to hurt you. I didn’t want you to be hurt.”
As she spoke, Lia quietly looked at Kartian.
She took a moment to steady her breath.
She knew saying this wasn’t a good idea. It wouldn’t make things better in the long run.
But she couldn’t ignore his pain.
“Don’t expect me to change. This is just how I am, and I won’t suddenly become warm. But at least… I won’t push you away.”
That was the best she could do.
The most she could give Kartian.
Not pushing him away. Standing her ground without stepping back.
It clearly left room for interpretation.
Of course, Lia would continue to hurt him, and Kartian would suffer because of it.
But that wasn’t her responsibility.
Not pushing him away already meant giving him a chance to come closer.
At the same time, Lia had to endure. She had to stand firm so that she wouldn’t push him away, yet wouldn’t let the distance collapse either.
But what else could she do?
He was clinging to her so desperately.
Complaining that he was hurt, yet unable to let go of his feelings.
Maybe it would be better to let him understand gradually instead of cutting him off all at once.
All she had to do was wait quietly—for the day he realized everything and stepped back.
After all, she had said she wouldn’t push him away.
Even if it became a kind of cruel hope.
If you looked at it plainly, there wasn’t a single warm word in what she said.
She was simply saying she would stay the same, and if he still chose to approach her, she wouldn’t stop him.
In the end, getting hurt—and healing from it—would all be Kartian’s burden.
Nothing truly changed.
She said she wouldn’t push him away, but that was all.
Kartian would still be the one to approach her, and Lia would continue to respond with cold, indifferent words.
Still, the emotional impact of “not pushing him away” was huge.
If she didn’t push him away, then maybe—just maybe—there was a chance.
Kartian’s desire to grow closer to Lia was almost instinctual.
It was something carved deep into his soul: the feeling that he could never let her go, that he wanted to make her his woman.
“Lia…”
Kartian softly called her name. His gaze was warm as he looked at her.
Even the smallest bit of attention was enough. Even if it started with pity, it didn’t matter.
If she gave him even the smallest opening, he would never miss it. He would approach her, and make her like him too.
After carefully taking in every detail of Lia’s face, Kartian strode toward her and pulled her into his arms.
“…Ha.”
Kartian took a deep breath, breathing in her scent. Her warmth, her small body—everything felt right.
For a moment, he thought his heart might burst.
That was how much he liked her.
The fact that Lia was in his arms felt unreal.
Only then did Lia realize what was happening and try to push him away—but Kartian spoke first.
“You said you wouldn’t push me away.”
Lia frowned. It was true—she had said that. But this was not what she had imagined when she said it.
Despite her thoughts, Lia did not push him away.
Not because of her words, but because she could hear his heart pounding fiercely through their touching bodies.
Just from that sound, she could feel his tension and joy.
‘I really am stupid.’
She had been determined to keep her distance, yet she ended up saying something like that.
“I won’t push you away” was a simple statement, but Lia knew very well what kind of result it would bring.
She had always been like this, even back in Korea.
At first, she would push people away. But eventually, she would give up against their persistence.
Once she stopped pushing them away, the distance would close. The distance had always been something Lia herself created.
And just like that, she became friends with them. They became important people to her.
It always ended that way.
So it could happen again now.
Thinking that, she knew it would be better to take back her words—but she couldn’t.
Really, what was she supposed to do?
This wasn’t good for either of them.
But how could anyone coldly reject someone who was giving their whole heart like this?
Whatever Kartian had done before losing his memory, it wasn’t something Lia herself had experienced.
That didn’t mean she would completely give herself to him.
She had only said she wouldn’t push him away. Her decision and thoughts hadn’t changed.
In the end, she still planned to leave the Imperial Palace.
“…Hap… happy.”
Kartian murmured softly while holding her. His voice was full of joy and happiness.
Hearing that, Lia’s expression grew even more complicated.
Seeing him so innocently happy, without knowing how she felt, weighed on her heart.
After hesitating in his arms for a moment, Lia spoke indifferently.
“More importantly… shouldn’t we separate now?”
“…Okay.”
Kartian reluctantly let her go. His arms, pulling away, were full of regret.
“Then… I can come every day now, right?”
Worried she might take back her words, Kartian carefully watched her expression.
“Do whatever you want. And… coming is fine, but make sure you finish your work first.”
She had only said she wouldn’t push him away. Whether he came every day or once a week was his choice.
Realizing that made her regret her words again, but she couldn’t take them back.
At least if he finished his work first, he might come less often.
That had been her intention.
“Okay. I will.”
Her attitude hadn’t changed, but Kartian wasn’t hurt.
He smiled, clearly happy with her permission.
At least now, he could come see her openly.
Before, he had visited often, but always watched her mood carefully.
Now, he felt he could be a little more confident.
