Chapter 59
“Why are you sorry?”
“If I had just properly said he’s my dad… I don’t think we would’ve had to worry. But… the words just wouldn’t come out.”
I lightly bonked Rohen on the head.
“That’s nothing to apologize for.”
“But still… if you do something wrong, you get kicked out. I’m just glad the Grand Duke changed his mind. I was worried what we’d do if he stayed stubborn… It’s thanks to the High Priestess… that woman, right?”
Because you called him Dad, because you unknowingly opened your heart all this time and spoke that way, that’s why. The High Priestess and everything else are just the outward parts—it’s all thanks to you. Thank you.
But I couldn’t say those words.
Because I didn’t want the Grand Duke to say them.
“Yeah.”
“That’s a relief. But it’s not like I was absolutely refusing to call him Dad. And when Noona told me about him, when she said she wasn’t trying to forcefully crush my pride… it almost… almost came out. The word Dad.”
As if his emotions were going back and forth, Rohen stomped his feet, laughing one moment and looking sad the next.
“Cute.”
Like a dejected puppy. Then a puppy that brightens up when it meets your eyes. I started stroking Rohen’s head like that.
Normally, Rohen would’ve dodged, asking if he was a kid, but for some reason today he accepted the touch pleasantly.
I can’t imagine him ever becoming that kind of person in the future.
If that were the truth—if that really was the future that would unfold for me, a future that had already happened. Then that was the real Rohen… and that version of him—the grown Rohen—was even sadder and more miserable than what was mentioned in the novel.
The sight of him after losing Lari, the one person he believed was on his side for his entire life, the only one he thought was truly his… it hurt enough to tear my chest apart.
What I need to do here… is change that future and find out about myself.
So that I don’t hand them such a future. I can’t think about this in a simple, one-dimensional way like I need to save the twins or I need to drive out the Grand Duchess. Instead… I need to find the things that are intricately connected.
The beginning of that is probably why I came here.
In the novel, I clearly died. In a fire at the orphanage, I died along with everyone else. And no one survived that place.
But if the first dream was real, then in that dream I was clearly… with the orphanage director, whose face had been half melted by burns. I dismissed it as just a dream, nothing important.
But that dream came back to me.
[You can’t do this, Director…!]
[I know a kind child like you would find something like that burdensome. I know that very well. But looking like this, I can’t go there myself. You’re different. Those children won’t even remember you. You can just lie roughly about your background.]
[…But… even if we do nothing right now…]
[Enough talk and go. If you know how I raised you, go to the Grand Duke’s household!]
Back then I thought it was just strange. Dreams are usually a mix of different memories, after all. So I believed I had simply had a nonsensical dream like that.
But now that I think about it, even that was one fragment of my future memories.
“Ah.”
“What’s wrong?”
When my hand stopped moving, Rohen tilted his head.
“Ah… it’s nothing.”
Then suddenly, another memory surfaced.
That day watching fireworks—the place that had felt familiar even though it was my first time there… The place Rohen had taken the child I thought was Lari to. It had felt oddly familiar, like I’d been there before.
Now that I think about it, it really was a place I had already been in the past.
My body had already remembered those things. I only just realized it.
“Well. I don’t really like being petted, but I’ll allow it today, so pet me as much as you want.”
Rohen cleared his throat and pushed his head closer to me.
Like petting a puppy’s head, the more I stroked him, the more a sense of calm washed over me.
So in the end… the orphanage director… there’s definitely something about her. What on earth was she trying to do by sending me to those children? And I also… I’m sure I was taking orders from someone and watching the twins until the very end… but who was it?
If I think simply, it would be the Grand Duchess—but that’s strange too.
If it really were the Grand Duchess…
After Rohen became Grand Duke, she wouldn’t have had any power left. Which means it might not have been her.
I don’t know where or how to start untangling this.
Is the orphanage director… the answer?
Is she even still alive?
“Haah…”
“Do you have something on your mind? Is stroking my head tiring?”
“No. Not at all. I just have some things to think about. I don’t know. I got permission to go to the library today, so I might as well go.”
“I’ll go with you!”
“Rohen, you have to protect Lari.”
At those words, Rohen’s brows drew together tightly.
“Ah.”
“We don’t know when it might happen.”
“…Right. I have to protect Lari. I want to protect you too, though.”
Rohen’s eyes wavered endlessly. Hearing him say he’d protect me… it sounded nicer than I expected. But now isn’t the time for him to protect me.
“Right now, you need to protect Lari.”
“Why? Lari is… the Grand Duke’s daughter. There’s no one who would threaten her.”
“Still. If we had protected her well, would Lari have ended up just sleeping like that? She seems a little more at ease after seeing the High Priestess, but Lari’s condition…”
Even though there was a way to cure Lari instantly, I deliberately refused it. If the High Priestess used her power, the child would recover.
And yet I didn’t allow it, because I wanted the people who made Lari like this to grow more frantic.
When things are rushed, mistakes happen. I was waiting for those mistakes to appear. And for that reason, I was doing something I should never do to Lari.
All because of a single belief that the child wouldn’t die, I knowingly refused a method that could heal her…
I’m trash.
I’ll probably have to carry this weight on my conscience forever.
Because someone like me, who has nothing, can only do things like this.
“…Okay.”
“Rohen.”
“Yeah.”
“You always have to protect Lari. You two are the only ones who can completely trust each other.”
Born on the same day, destined to leave on the same day—nothing, not even death, could separate you.
“Then… aren’t you someone we can trust?”
“I’m someone you can trust too.”
“Then why say it like that?”
“You never know. I… I…”
I should say it firmly—that I have no intention of betraying you. That the feelings I hold aren’t any different from the feelings you two have for each other.
I should say that, but because of the version of myself who doesn’t even think of healing Lari first while she’s sick, I couldn’t open my mouth.
If I had known nothing, if I hadn’t entered this novel and seen the future, experienced that miserable future, seen those futures…
“…Hey.”
“Mm…?”
Rohen’s cool voice reached me. He must be disappointed, I thought. Just as those thoughts crossed my mind, Rohen pulled my hand away from his head and placed his own hand on mine.
“It’s okay.”
“Huh…?”
“We’re kids even our parents abandoned. No one loved us, they only tried to use us. But you… you’re the first person who ever gave us love. The kind of love even parents didn’t give.”
My chest began to ache.
“You’re the one who gave us love. So it’s okay. I understand. It’s okay if your heart wavers a little. Because we trust you.”
“Rohen.”
“I’ll become someone worthy of that trust. So… let’s both become people worthy of trusting. We’ll trust you, and you trust us.”
I slowly nodded.
“Yeah. I’m sorry. For a moment, I let my mind wander. I was just wondering whether what I’m doing is really helping you two…”
“Whatever it is, we know you’re doing it for us. So believe in yourself. What! Even if things go really, really wrong, could it be worse than when we lived there?”
Your smiling face hurts me.
The way you say there couldn’t be times worse than then… it’s like you’re telling me just how terrible life was in that place. My heart feels like it’s collapsing.
Like my heart’s been torn to shreds and buried in salt.
“…I’ll never let times like that happen again.”
“Yeah. I’ll trust you. Make sure you keep that promise.”
“I will.”
“Then hurry and go to the library. When Lari wakes up, we’ll go together.”
“Okay!”
After looking at Rohen for a moment, I hurried outside.
“Greetings, Lady Aisha. I am the knight Selex, assigned by His Grace the Grand Duke to attend to you. You may call me Rex comfortably.”
A good-looking man was waiting for me.
“Ah, hello!”
“Yes. From now on, while you are here, I will be looking after you, Lady Aisha.”
“Yes!”
A man with red hair and blue eyes. A face that seemed to hold both fire and water at once. I know this man. He was one of the rare figures who appeared in the novel.
Why did they assign this person to me?
Selex Terovan. The eldest son of Baron Terovan’s family. A man with many additional explanations attached to him.
Though highly skilled with the sword, his family’s low standing prevented him from achieving much. On top of that, his mother gave birth to him out of wedlock, which weakened his position even more.
No one could even guess who his father was.
