Chapter 6
The Night of the One Left Behind
I’d sent the doctor away earlier in the day, then ended up taking a long nap… so I couldn’t fall asleep at night.
Maybe that was why.
The words my brother said at dinner kept replaying in my head, on repeat.
But then my brother immediately changed the subject, asking when I planned to go down to the estate where Mother was staying.
So the rest of dinner ended up being nothing but planning my schedule to leave for the estate.
Is something not going smoothly?
Until now, I’d hated even thinking about it, so I deliberately cut the thread of thought and refused to touch it.
Sirius Winter Bastian.
The moment I pictured that frighteningly beautiful man’s face, my heart clenched tight.
From the beginning, I was the only one who wanted to marry him.
For eight long years, I was the only one dragging the engagement forward by the collar, forcing it to last this long.
He sang about how much he hated me every time he saw me, so I thought that if I simply agreed, the annulment would end cleanly.
“I was too careless.”
This was a marriage promise between two of the kingdom’s three ducal houses.
Just like it had been hard to start, I should’ve expected it wouldn’t be easy to end either.
I might not even realize that my brother is being humiliated because of me. But I still don’t want to take back the annulment. I’m seriously still so selfish it’s disgusting.
I already knew my brother had been having a hard time ever since Father died, because of our uncle, who stirred up the elders and caused trouble behind the scenes.
And yet, at a time like this, we were about to fall out with Bastian, our strongest ally…
I felt so guilty that I wanted to roll out a mat in front of my brother’s study and kneel in apology until I died.
“Ah, forget it. My brother will handle our uncle on his own. And honestly, what is this? Did we stamp our family registries together? Did we have a kid? Dating my ass. It’s not like he even wants me to touch him. There’s no need to make a fuss over ending an engagement that was only a title. So stop acting up already, you damn heart.”
I punched my chest a few times, telling it to listen to its owner, but all that did was make my own chest hurt.
“Ugh!”
I suddenly sat up, panting, and looked around the dim room, then swung my legs off the bed.
I shoved my feet into the neatly placed indoor slippers and grabbed the candle holder.
These days, because I was in addiction treatment, I’d been wearing thick, long-sleeved dresses with good mobility instead of pajamas, so I didn’t bother changing clothes. I simply opened the door and stepped out.
The hallway was silent.
As I walked holding the candle, the flame shook and the shadows rippled along the walls.
It might have looked eerie, but since it was my home, it didn’t scare me at all.
Not only did it not scare me…
It felt intoxicating.
“Yeah. My house. My house. My house! Our house!”
What a beautiful sound that was!
In my past life, I struggled and fought so hard, but I never escaped living in someone else’s place.
Even the bug-infested, moldy semi-basement rooms…
Because my damn brother kept stealing the deposit money whenever he felt like it, I couldn’t even dream of paying a lease deposit. I lived on monthly rent until the day I died.
But this huge house was beyond comparison with my past life.
A house that wouldn’t lose even to a royal palace.
And on top of that, a house I actually owned!
Walking proudly down the wide hallway, arms spread, feeling rich all over again, I basked in the luxury.
“Le-let’s go home. Let’s go.”
I hummed a male idol song I’d heard in my past life and stepped lively to the rhythm.
One step, two step.
As I kept walking with the beat, I reached a huge glass door that led out to the terrace.
I approached and nudged it with my shoulder. The unlocked door opened slightly.
This time I properly grabbed the handle and pushed the glass door open.
Cold air rushed in.
“Wah! It’s still cold.”
Startled by the chill, I raised my arms and hugged my shoulders, rubbing them.
I opened my mouth and let out a breath, “Hah.”
A pale mist of breath scattered into the air.
Even though it was cold, I didn’t want to go back inside.
Dragging my slippers, I slowly walked toward the terrace railing.
“Wow… this is insane. The sky is so freaking pretty.”
The starlit performance covering the night sky stole away all my senses.
“This is unbelievable. Why didn’t I realize something this amazing before?”
I held the railing with both hands and muttered to myself over and over, then suddenly let out a hollow laugh.
Why didn’t I know?
Every day, I ran to parties and salons the moment the sun went down, and I came back drunk right before sunrise.
How would I ever know whether there were stars in the sky or satellites?
“I really was a complete mess.”
In my past life, when I was young, I wanted to become an astronomer.
Because of poverty, I had to choose a career path that would let me earn money quickly…
But deep in my heart, I always carried stars and space with me.
Living in a harsh environment forced me to be more realistic than anyone else.
And the only time I could forget reality was when I looked up at the stars in the night sky.
From the time I started walking until I graduated elementary school, I was often left at my maternal grandparents’ house in the countryside.
To parents who had to chase money day and night because of debt…
And to my damn brother who was so deep in delinquency he ran away from home like it was a daily meal…
I was, quite literally, nothing but baggage.
Still, it was lucky that I had my grandparents’ house at all.
If I hadn’t, I might’ve been neglected completely and never even received basic public education.
That mountain-valley countryside where even power poles were rare was better than the cold gray city.
In the cramped, dark semi-basement, I couldn’t even dream of freedom…
But in the countryside, I could enjoy it as much as I wanted.
I could run, shout, and roll around without worrying about space.
I played until I was satisfied, doing whatever I wanted.
During the day, I lay on the sunny wooden porch, breathing in the scent of old wood and enjoying comfort.
At night, I looked up at a sky overflowing with stars and imagined traveling across the vast universe.
Around the time I graduated middle school, my grandmother passed away.
My mother’s siblings, as if they had been waiting for it, immediately sold the little country house for whatever money it was worth.
In one instant, I lost my grandmother who had been my refuge…
The warm wooden porch…
And the night sky that had nurtured my dreams.
The city sky was polluted by artificial lights, making it hard to see stars.
And once I became an adult, I stopped dreaming of stars altogether.
Like a camel being strangled, I kept my head down, staring at nothing but filthy cement ground.
After losing the vast universe and being trapped in a gloomy gray prison, I became an adult whose only dream was escaping my family.
“I expected it… but I can’t recognize a single constellation.”
This wasn’t Earth, so maybe that was only natural…
But in my past life, I’d been so proud of my constellation knowledge that I couldn’t help feeling disappointed.
“Still… it’s good.”
My fingers were going numb from the cold, but it was still good.
Because there were so many stars.
Cupping my hands together, breathing warm air into them, I repeated “It’s good” and “It’s pretty” again and again.
“Miss.”
So absorbed in the night sky that I hadn’t noticed anyone approaching, I startled at the sudden voice and turned around.
Frank, the head butler, stood there with the terrace door open.
“The night air is very cold. Please come inside now.”
“Frank.”
I beckoned him with my hand, telling him to come closer.
Before I knew it, he was draping a shawl over my shoulders.
“Do you know any constellations?”
Frank looked up at the sky along with me.
“They say the great thief Hamas Yasin hid the treasure he gathered over his entire lifetime among the stars, so that no one could steal it from him. There, look at the brightest starlight in the west. It is said to be the light shining from the pile of treasure he hid, so it is called Hamas’s Treasure.”
“Oh! I see it, I see it. That star over there, right?”
“Yes. You pointed it out correctly.”
Frank looked down at me with a pleased expression, like he was watching a clever granddaughter.
I lifted my chin proudly and asked if there were any other constellations.
Frank pointed out another one in the north.
“That star with the especially red glow is said to guide the souls of the dead, so they do not wander the earth and can safely rise into the sky. That is why it is called the Lighthouse of the Departed.”
“The Lighthouse of the Departed…”
I stretched out my hand toward the sky and gently traced the small red dot fixed in the black night.
“If I follow that star…”
Dad…
Could I meet you?
Even though I swallowed the rest of my words, it was as if Frank had heard them anyway.
He silently nodded beside me.
I bit my lower lip hard, then let it go. Pulling the shawl up around my shoulders, I spoke.
“Lately, I keep thinking about things like that. That it would’ve been better if Father had lived just a little longer. Then maybe he could’ve left this world with a lighter heart…”
“His late Grace cherished you very much, Miss.”
“I… thought he hated me. I mean… he scolded me every day. I thought he was always yelling at me because he hated me. I didn’t know that scolding someone for their mistakes is something you can only do if you care about them. I was stupid.”
“When parents pass away… all a child is left with is regret.”
“So that’s why they say you should treat them well while they’re still here?”
“Most old sayings are true.”
Frank worriedly said my nose had turned red from the cold and that I needed to go inside quickly. He turned his body to lead me back.
Rubbing my frozen nose, I walked toward Frank, who was holding the terrace door open, and spoke.
“So since I decided to be good while people are still here… you can’t go anywhere until I’m good enough, Frank.”
“This old man’s place is with House Ferdina. Don’t worry, Miss.”
“Even if Father or Grandpa shows up in my dreams and tries to lure you away, saying we should go look at the lighthouse together… you absolutely can’t follow them. Got it?”
“Since you’ve told me not to follow them no matter what, Miss, I will do my best to tell both masters properly.”
“No. Let’s get ahead of them first. At dawn, we’ll put out a bowl of water and pray. Tell Father and Grandpa to come much later.”
When I finally sneezed and my body swayed like a sheet of paper, Frank politely held out his arm, telling me to hold on.
While escorting me, Frank laughed and begged that he would refuse to follow anyone, but that he at least wanted to see Grandfather in a dream if possible.
I turned my head and looked up at his graying hair and wrinkled eyes, then firmly shook my head.
“Nope. Even if Grandpa comes, you’re not allowed. I won’t give you to him. Don’t even think about taking Frank away. If he tries, I’ll go with my brother to the cemetery, shave my head, and start a hunger strike.”
As we walked down the hallway and returned to my room, Frank kept trying his hardest to soothe me, promising again and again that he wouldn’t follow anyone.
The old man’s voice, unable to hide his warmth, was slightly damp with a quiet, aching emotion.
