TMWSH 47

 Chapter 47

Life Pawned  

There were only two seasons in his life.

The summer when she existed.

The winter when she did not.

The bright look in her eyes when she gazed at him was a blazing sun, and her laughter was like the air he breathed.

When she took a breath, it was the sweetest breeze in the world.

Her tears, whether from joy or sorrow, were like sacred water.

A brief summer.

A long winter.

Yes. She was his one and only god.

And the only thing that made him believe in another god was the moment he realized he could save her.

Howard first met her just as Irina remembered her earliest memory.

It was a winter of brutal cold and unusually heavy snow.

Howard grew up without knowing whether he was an illegitimate child or an orphan. There was no one to tell him.

He didn’t even know who was supposed to be taking care of him.

He hadn’t been abused, but he never received even the slightest bit of affection.

Though he never missed meals, his body was weak, and Howard thought he would not survive that winter.

Then came an opportunity.

He was chosen to be the companion of a noble family’s daughter.

A “companion,” though in truth he was little more than a moving toy.

Normally, a noble young lady would choose another girl as her companion.

But because he had a face that would stand out anywhere, and because the young lady liked rare silver hair, he was selected.

“Hello! Your name is Howard? That’s it? Mine is really long. Then I’ll just be Irina. You be Howard, I’ll be Irina. That works, right?”

The noble girl greeted him with excitement the moment she first saw him.

Howard had expected to be treated like a doll because she supposedly liked silver hair, so he was surprised.

The young noble lady simply thought she had made a friend.

Looking into her shining eyes, Howard thought,

They say, very rarely, someone is truly favored by the gods.

If such a person existed, it must be Lady Irina.

Otherwise, she wouldn’t shine so beautifully.

If she shed tears, he felt as though tiny jewels would fall instead of water.

Even at that young age, he once wondered what it would be like to make her cry just once.

Irina worried about him very much.

“Why are you shorter than me? Are you sure you’re older? Your silver hair looks so cold I feel like you’ll freeze to death. Are you okay?”

From then on, Howard tried to eat everything placed before him.

At first, to ease her worries. Later, because he wanted to protect her.

“Your hair is so soft. My mom says silver hair is really rare. Lucky you, Howard.”

Because Irina liked touching his hair, he would rush to wash it anytime he felt even the slightest dust on it.

Even washing with warm water in winter still made his scalp tingle with cold afterward.

But Irina liked it, so he did it.

As Howard grew past childhood, he grew rapidly; soon, Irina began looking up at him.

He reached his goal, yet a problem arose—

He couldn’t stay close to Irina the way he had before.

As she grew, she began spending time with other noble girls.

Howard was no longer her toy.

Worst case, he could have been sent back to where he’d come from.

Fortunately, thanks to Irina’s mother, Adriel, that didn’t happen.

And there was a way he could stay by Irina’s side:

To become her escort knight.

Only the most skilled among the noble family’s trained knights were chosen for such a role.

The only “weapon” Howard had ever held was a wooden stick while playing with Irina.

Yet he went straight to the knight commander.

“Please train me.”

On the first day, he was kicked out — they said children shouldn’t handle dangerous weapons.

The next day, he returned and begged again.

He did this every day for a month until the commander acknowledged his determination and handed him a broken training sword.

“Why do you want to learn the sword?”
“…To protect the young lady.”

The commander, who had lost an eye in the war, frowned and scoffed.

“With that skill? Lady Kosat already has plenty of skilled knights. A brat like you can’t do this overnight.”
“…I know. But I will protect her.”
“Bold little brat.”

Howard cleaned and organized the knights’ equipment, ran errands, and did every menial task.

Only after months of this did he earn the title of squire.

One day, while drenched in sweat from training, he noticed soft, milk-tea-colored hair fluttering nearby.

“Howard!”

Irina ran in, calling softly.

Startled, Howard dropped his wooden sword—and pain flashed across his vision at the same moment.

“Ow.”
“You lost focus!”

The commander, older and more wrinkled, scolded him.

Howard picked the sword back up.

Irina approached lightly and stood beside the commander.

“You look so cool, Howard!”

Howard’s neck and ears burned red.

His concentration shattered again.

“I—I need to train.”

Irina tilted her head, disappointed.

“Really? I wanted to have tea with you… Oh well. Come tonight then! Okay?”

Howard nodded shyly.

After whispering something to the commander, Irina left with light, graceful steps.

“Get your head straight!”

Howard, staring after her, got hit again.

Years later.

Howard passed the knight exam at the top of his class.

Since he lacked proper birth status, the commander willingly became his patron.

The first thing Howard did as an official knight was pledge his oath to Irina.

It was obvious — he had trained only to stand by her side and protect her.

Howard’s skill reached its peak — surpassing even the commander who had trained him.

He could have been knight-captain level.

But he wanted only one thing:

To become her escort knight.

And at last, he succeeded.

Their relationship also changed subtly.

Friends, but not quite.

A hierarchy existed — yet when alone together, the boundary blurred.

“Take good care of me, Howard.”
“It is my honor, my lady.”

As Howard grew, so did Irina.

Her height nearly reached his chin, her cheeks had slimmed, her amber eyes had deepened into gold.

Her mature beauty could easily stir the hearts of young noblemen.

And Howard’s as well.

Two people who knew even each other’s smallest habits, spending all day together — feelings were inevitable.

But they could tell no one.

Outside their private moments, they couldn’t even freely say each other’s names.

Forget hugging — they couldn’t even hold hands.

A high-born lady and a knight of uncertain birth.

They were forbidden to love.

Sometimes, Irina teased him cruelly.

That day, she chose shoes with long ribbons — and the ribbons kept coming undone. Howard retied them again and again.

Once, he tied them so tightly they shouldn’t have come undone — yet they did.

“Howard, my shoelaces came undone again.”

Irina lifted her foot, swinging it playfully.

She clearly had something to say.

Howard took off his jacket.

“Sit here, my lady.”
“Okay.”

He laid the jacket on a nearby bench and guided her to sit.

Irina sat demurely — but her mischief soon surfaced.

As Howard tried to retie the ribbon, she wiggled her foot and giggled.

“For my debut ball, be my partner, Howard.”
“That is impossible.”
“Why?”

At his immediate reply, Irina’s foot froze.

Taking advantage, Howard finished tying the ribbon.

“You know why.”

He refused respectfully.

“Then who will be my partner?”

Irina sounded annoyed.

“Lord Jerner and Marquis Aven’s son both asked to be your partner, did they not?”
“…And you’re fine with that? You’re fine with me dancing with someone else? The debut ball only happens once in a lifetime.”

“My lady’s father would be furious.”

Howard desperately wanted to be her partner.

Who wouldn’t?

He wished he could be the only one by her side.

But the world didn’t allow such greed.

After that, Irina stopped speaking to Howard — until the morning of her debutante ball.

Howard couldn’t go, so he had no way to comfort her.

All he could do was place a flower he picked during dawn training beside her pillow.

Her anger softened slightly — she wore the flower instead of jewels.

But at the ball, she committed a scandal — the only lady to attend without a partner.

Not only that, she left the ball first — alone.

“You were reckless.”

Howard said after dismissing the maids, alone with her in her room.

“Yes. Reckless. But a cowardly knight wouldn’t know.”

Irina looked more relieved than ever.

She removed the flower — now wilting — from her hair.

Howard reached to take it.

“You’re going to throw it away?”
“Of course.”
“…No. I won’t let you.”

Irina pulled her hand back and stepped away.

She opened a book on her dressing table and placed the flower inside, closing it gently.

“You should’ve worn something prettier. A debut only happens once.”
“No thanks. I can shine without jewels. What about you? How did I look?”

Irina approached him.

Her richer fragrance tested his self-control.

“Well? Tell me.”

Her lowered lashes, her sharp nose, her lips—

Standing so close, he wanted to hold her.

Irina poked his chest lightly with her finger.

“You were very beautiful.”

A short, honest answer.

Irina smiled faintly — pleased.

“And if I had danced with someone else?”
“…I would’ve been angry.”

Her smile deepened.

“Father is looking for marriage candidates.”

She finally confessed.

Her voice had seemed heavy all day — this was why.

Not only Irina — Howard too had begun receiving such suggestions now that he was an official knight.

It was the natural course for adults.

“How long should I wait?”

She was anxious.

How long must we hide our love?

That was what she meant.

Howard swallowed hard, clenching and unclenching his fists.

Before becoming a full knight, he had fought in territorial wars several times — always winning.

He endured the pain of being away from her to become someone worthy of her — if not equal, then close.

But he needed a much greater victory to earn a noble title.

The continent had been a breeding ground for war for years, and Arendor was preparing for another.

Recently, knights from the count’s household were required to join.

Howard volunteered.

Irina didn’t know yet.