Chapter 33
Diane was sitting halfway up the tower. She had curled her body up tightly, burying her head between her knees. Seeing her like that, Elaina couldn’t bring herself to reach out a hand. She didn’t know what words of comfort could possibly help.
“Diane…”
“I’m sorry, Elaina. For showing you such a pathetic sight.”
She was crying. Helpless, Elaina sat carefully beside her. As she gently patted Diane’s shoulder, Diane’s body trembled even more.
“I guess it was all just my imagination.”
Her murmuring voice was heavy and low.
“I thought he… liked me too.”
Diane haltingly began to tell her everything that had happened with Nathan. From their first meeting until now — how many letters had they exchanged through carrier pigeon? Those letters, full of warmth, had been Diane’s most precious treasures.
But when she finally met Nathan face-to-face, all he could offer her was an apology.
“How foolish of me… There’s no way someone like him could ever love someone like me.”
At those words, Elaina suddenly gripped Diane’s shoulders tightly.
“What are you saying!”
Unable to stand it any longer, Elaina told Diane everything she knew.
“Nathan Hennet loves you, Diane. He really, truly does.”
She could say that with certainty. In Moonlight’s Shadow, after hearing the news of Diane’s death, Nathan ended his own life to follow her. What he lacked was not love, but courage.
But…
What did that matter now?
In the end, Nathan Hennet had chosen to turn away from his own heart instead of choosing Diane.
“Diane. Let’s go back down now.”
Quite a bit of time had passed. The tower staircase, with winter wind seeping through its cracks, was bitterly cold. Worried that Diane might catch a chill, Elaina urged her to return, but Diane only shook her head silently.
“I don’t want to go. If I go back now… it’ll really be over.”
Seeing Diane unable to accept Nathan’s answer, Elaina took a deep breath.
“Diane. You can’t stay here forever. Stand up.”
Elaina took Diane’s arm and pulled gently but firmly until Diane staggered to her feet.
Elaina cupped Diane’s face and made her look at her. Tear stains made her cheeks sticky, but Elaina looked at her with a firm expression.
“Crying won’t change anything. So stop crying now.”
Of course she understood Diane’s feelings — the pain, the shock. But she couldn’t let her sit forever on the cold stone floor, drowning in despair.
“Look up.”
Elaina turned Diane’s head gently to face the top of the stairs.
“And now look down.”
Then she turned her head the other way. Letting go of her face, Elaina spoke softly but resolutely.
“You have two choices, Diane. Up, or down. Go up, and face Nathan again, even if it hurts — or go down, and come home with me. Sitting here, doing nothing, is not an option.”
“…I…”
“If you can’t decide, then I’ll decide for you. We’re going down. If we stay any longer, you’ll catch a cold.”
Elaina took her hand and tried to lead her down, but Diane suddenly jerked her hand free.
“Ah…! I-I’m sorry, Elaina. I didn’t mean to…”
Startled, Diane quickly apologized. But Elaina only smiled gently, as if that was exactly what she’d hoped for.
“That’s your answer, Diane. Now — go up.”
If there were things left unsaid, she should say them all, so she would have no regrets.
At Elaina’s encouragement, the sorrow in Diane’s eyes gave way to a spark of determination.
Diane opened the door without knocking. Nathan was in the middle of tidying a pile of scattered papers.
Startled by the sudden noise, he turned — and his face went pale when he saw her.
“Why are you… here again…”
“Did you forget something?” he asked, quickly averting his gaze. Diane clenched her fists tightly at his evasive behavior.
Taking a step forward, she reminded herself to stay calm.
Don’t get emotional. You came back because you didn’t want regrets. Say what you came to say, clearly.
Thank him for the kind memories. Wish him happiness and good health.
But when she finally stood before Nathan, what came out of her mouth was something entirely different.
“Why did you do that?”
Her voice was filled with accusation. Nathan blinked in confusion.
“What do you mean…?”
“That time. Why did you do it? That stupid handkerchief — you could’ve just thrown it away! Why did you have to return it?”
She knew how pathetic she sounded. This wasn’t how she wanted to be remembered — demanding an explanation like some desperate fool. She was only giving him one more reason to feel relieved that he’d avoided getting involved with her.
No — the real mistake was asking him that question at all.
If fault was to be assigned, most of it lay with Diane herself.
It was her own foolish heart that had fallen for a man whose face she barely knew. Even after hearing everything, even after seeing him call himself unworthy of a marquis’s daughter, she couldn’t let go of her lingering feelings.
Tears welled up in Diane’s eyes, but she forced them back. Clutching her skirt, she shouted at him.
“You shouldn’t have done that! If you didn’t love me — if you didn’t feel the same — then you shouldn’t have done it! Was I… was I that laughable to you?”
Her voice cracked as she screamed. It was the first time she had ever shouted like that in front of someone. Her face burned red; her throat ached. Startled by her outburst, the carrier pigeon flapped its wings and fled out the window.
Nathan’s face turned ashen.
“Lady Redwood! It’s not like that! Laughable? I would never—”
“So all those letters we exchanged — they meant nothing? You expect me to believe that? How can you be so cruel? If I just give up now, that’s it — everything’s over!”
As she poured her heart out, Diane suddenly remembered someone who had once said similar words to her — Elaina, scolding her when she’d been ready to give up her future because of her father’s decisions.
Ah. So this is what it feels like. The aching frustration, the helpless anger.
Diane pressed her lips together and glared at Nathan.
“I’ll ask you just once more. Just once. Is that really true? Do you truly feel nothing for me?”
“…What is it you want from me?” Nathan’s voice trembled. “Feelings? Those… those are things I shouldn’t have. Why— why must you torment me like this?”
He rubbed his face with both hands, then muttered,
“I know the names of the families Marquis Redwood has sent marriage proposals to. Houses far greater than the Hennets. My family is barely of baronet rank — from the countryside, no less. How could I possibly confess love to someone so far above me?”
“That’s not what I’m asking.”
Diane stepped closer.
“Nathan Hennet. I’m asking about your heart.”
Nathan couldn’t hold out any longer.
“Damn it,” he muttered under his breath.
“I love you. I’ve treasured you deeply in my heart. That’s why I dared to dream a foolish dream that was never mine to have. Dreams are fine — because you wake up from them eventually. The letters we exchanged were my mistake. The son of a baronet and the daughter of a marquis — how could that ever—”
He didn’t get to finish.
In that instant, Diane threw herself into his arms.
Startled, Nathan instinctively caught her, afraid she might fall. As he held her close, the faint scent of flowers that clung to her silenced him completely.
