32.
When I saw Friane off at the entrance and turned around, Julie was standing behind me.
“I didn’t even know we had a guest. Why did he come?”
“It was nothing,” I said, shrugging my shoulders.
“The last time, I only let him in because I was so worried about you, Lady Asha. But honestly, I still don’t understand why he’s helping us. Even if he’s a Holy Knight, it’s rare for anyone to be kind without expecting something in return.”
“Well…”
I was about to answer casually but stopped.
I knew he’d taken the elixir, but Julie didn’t.
So of course, she found Friane’s kindness suspicious.
But people who drank the elixir were always like that.
They could never harm the person they fell in love with.
Rather than hurting them, they became obsessed—blindly protective, unable to break free.
I thought of Zaka’s behavior these past few days and quietly curved my lips into a small smile.
“He might… like me.”
“What?”
Julie’s eyes grew as wide as the time she’d heard Rohwinas had been chasing me because he liked me.
“Really? Did he say that himself? Was he serious?”
She rushed over and grabbed my arm, shaking it as she asked.
I hesitated for just a moment.
Should I tell her everything now?
When I’d been with Rohwinas, Julie had been the only one who worried about me, not about my reputation.
Even after we broke up—when everyone turned their backs on me and I became miserable—Julie stayed by my side.
There was a time when I couldn’t bear the stares and just wanted to run away.
And Julie was the one who stopped me.
“Why should we run away? What did we do wrong to make us hide?”
“…”
“If we run now, it’ll be like admitting that everything they said was true! Tell me, Lady Asha—do you really want that?”
But as we both knew, it hadn’t ended well.
Proving my innocence alone had been nearly impossible.
Eventually, all my efforts fell apart. Hope faded away, one piece at a time…
And one night, when I came home exhausted and barely holding back tears, I told her I wanted to give up.
Julie just hugged me silently.
After that, I think she blamed herself.
For telling me not to run. For pushing me to fight. For saying I was strong enough to endure.
I once saw her secretly wipe away tears while cleaning up my empty wine bottles at night.
But I couldn’t say anything.
Even I couldn’t control my own weakness back then.
I thought maybe I’d live like that forever—hiding in that dull, silent world.
No joy. No sorrow. Just existing quietly.
So whatever I said to Julie now… it would only be a lie.
How could I tell her that someone had taken the elixir again, that someone was after me once more?
Whoever that person was, whatever their reason… I was once again being dragged up from the depths, flailing like a fish out of water.
If I said all that, what kind of face would Julie make?
If I failed again—if everything ended the same way—could I really survive it this time?
I had no choice left but to fight back. It was the only way to live.
And I didn’t want Julie standing beside me on that dangerous edge.
She was the only one who had ever cared for me without being affected by the elixir.
I wanted her to live a calm, steady life—without getting caught in my storm.
To use her worry for herself, not for me.
So I smiled faintly and said,
“Well, I don’t really know yet. We’ve only met a few times.”
Julie studied me carefully, choosing her words.
“Then what about you, Lady Asha?”
“What about me?”
“Your feelings. You don’t dislike him, do you?”
I don’t dislike him.
I just don’t like him either.
I gave a teasing smile.
“Well, I’ll admit—he’s ridiculously handsome.”
Julie stared at me suspiciously.
“Why are you looking at me like that?”
“Lady Asha, are you hiding something from me?”
“Me? What would I ever hide from you?”
“Nothing, then. It’s just… I don’t know. Things feel different lately. You seem… not like before.”
“Why? You always said you wanted me to live normally, to mingle with people like everyone else.”
Julie lowered her eyes.
“I just want you to be alright, Lady Asha.”
“…”
“As long as you’re alright, I don’t care whether your life is normal or not.”
Then I suddenly asked, pretending to remember something.
“Then how about a glass of wine with dinner tonight?”
“Ugh, if you’re going to say nonsense like that, just keep your mouth shut!”
Her face flushed with irritation, Julie stomped her foot and hurried into the mansion.
I watched her go, then stepped forward slightly and looked toward the bushes.
Zaka was there, leaning against a tree stump with his arms crossed.
“She’s gone?”
“Yeah. She’s gone.”
He brushed off his hands and came closer.
“I found it. Something suspicious.”
So he had finally found something after searching through all the attendants from the victory banquet.
Three days later.
Zaka and I were in a carriage, heading somewhere.
We’d snuck out quietly, but by now, Julie must have realized I was gone.
I glanced down at my leg wound, hidden under the hem of my dress.
If it got worse because of this trip…
I shivered slightly.
Across from me, Zaka lifted the window cover and peered outside.
Dusk had already fallen.
“Are you sure these clothes are okay?” I asked.
“If we dress too fancy, they’ll notice us right away. It’s better to look ordinary.”
He glanced at me and added dryly,
“In fact, you look like someone trying too hard to look poor.”
I muttered awkwardly, “Well, that’s true. And I don’t really have money for fancy clothes anyway.”
Zaka, fiddling with his hair, let out a faint laugh.
Then he turned serious again.
“Don’t say things like that in public. It makes you sound broke.”
“Sorry, but there’s no one I can even say it to. And it’s not that I sound broke—I really am.”
Zaka grinned teasingly.
“Right. I forgot—you don’t have any friends.”
“And you do?”
“How do you think I got this information?”
I raised a brow. “Threatened someone?”
“…I know that’s what you think of me, but no. Not this time.”
“Didn’t you say before that those people wouldn’t even talk to you?”
Before he could answer, the carriage jolted sharply as it turned a corner, cutting the conversation short.
His hair, neatly brushed back to show his forehead, made him look especially sharp in his tailcoat.
It suited him so well it was as if he’d been born wearing it.
Somehow, I thought—even when he got older, Zaka would never lose that boyish charm.
He might look sharp and prickly, but he always knew when to smile.
He must have felt me staring, because he turned his head toward me.
“What? Never seen a handsome man before?”
“Excuse me, I’m pretty too, you know.”
“You’re saying that without a drop of alcohol? Impressive.”
“…”
For a moment, I forgot how unusual it was to see him so well dressed.
But the way he talked—annoying and sharp as ever—oddly made me feel at ease.
As we got closer to our destination, faint city noises drifted through the cracked window.
Theater, gambling hall, tavern, auction house…
There was no doubt—we were in the heart of the city’s pleasure district.
Our destination was somewhere in this area.
The attendant Zaka had tracked down was indeed suspicious.
Apparently, a few days before the imperial banquet, his behavior had already changed.
Witnesses said they’d seen him carrying around the cocktail glass Zaka was believed to have drunk from.
He’d also started spending money far beyond his means.
Then, after the banquet, he skipped work repeatedly—before disappearing completely.
And the last place he’d been seen before vanishing was…
The carriage stopped.
Just before I could step down, Zaka pulled a hat over my head.
“Don’t forget this.”
“I was going to put it on after getting out.”
While I adjusted the hat, grumbling, Zaka jumped down first.
Then he reached up, gently lifted me from the carriage, and set me down carefully on the ground.
He straightened the hem of my wrinkled dress and firmly placed the cane into my hand.
“Be careful with your leg,” he murmured softly, stepping aside so I could see ahead.
The street before us was glowing with light under the dark sky.
Crowds filled the roads, carriages rushed past, and the air was thick—
with alcohol, strong spices, tobacco, perfume, and the sour smell of the gutters.
It was the scent of a city that thrived beside its shadows.
Zaka guided me toward a narrow alley.
“This way.”
Our destination was a small, shabby-looking building with no signboard.
Faint singing could be heard behind the thugs guarding the entrance.
We stopped a short distance away. Zaka extended his arm toward me.
“There’s something I didn’t tell you yet.”
There was a strange glint in his eyes, and his lips curved slightly.
“When someone asks who I am, what will you say?”
I frowned. “Your attendant, of course.”
“If you say that, they’ll never let us in. They’ll think we’re suspicious.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. No one comes to a place like this with an attendant.”
He took my hand and placed it on his arm.
“They come with a lover.”
