19.
The duke spoke in a voice that carried a faint sigh.
“You are free to think what you like, but let me explain one thing. Until now, no one else has ever ridden in this carriage but me.”
“Ah… I see.”
I bit my lip to stop the laugh that wanted to escape.
The duke’s eyes flicked briefly to my mouth, then away.
I quickly reached for another topic.
“And earlier… when you didn’t take my hand.”
“…”
“It was because I was staring at your gloves.”
“My gloves?”
“Yes. They’re white gloves.”
“Do they not suit me?”
“Not exactly that…”
I tilted my head, trying to explain the strange feeling.
“It was like… cutting into a tart and finding sardines inside.”
For once, he made a low sound in his throat, almost like a groan.
“So you mean it doesn’t suit me.”
“I didn’t mean it that way.”
“But really—who would ever put sardines in a tart?”
I had no defense, so I admitted it.
“Well… yes, that’s true.”
“…”
He looked strangely disheartened.
“Then what color do you think would suit me?”
“Black.”
The word left my lips before I could even think. I surprised myself.
The duke lowered his eyes to the dark navy uniform that looked nearly black indoors. For a moment, his gaze was complicated, like a boy who failed the subject he studied hardest for, but somehow scored full marks in the class he never cared about.
“Anyway,” I said, steadying my voice, “I came here today because I have something to tell you.”
“About the appointment?”
“Yes.”
He returned to his usual composed manner and looked at me, waiting.
I bowed politely.
“I’m sorry, but I must refuse.”
“You do understand what it means to defy an appointment sealed by the Emperor, Baroness?”
“I believe the position was not filled through a fair and proper process.”
“And your reason for believing that?” he asked lightly.
“Because you drank the potion.”
“I see. No matter what excuse I give, you won’t be able to trust my words, will you?”
“…That’s true.”
“But, Baroness—”
“So please, Your Grace. Convince His Majesty to change my appointment.”
One of his brows lifted.
Then he folded his arms and fell silent for a moment.
At least, he didn’t seem like he was going to reject me outright.
“So what you mean is…”
“…”
“You don’t want to be my direct aide.”
That was exactly it.
I had no courage to anger the Emperor, so the best I could hope for was to be reassigned elsewhere.
“If it is my abilities you value, Your Grace, then surely I can serve the Empire without being under your command.”
“Baroness, you may not know it yet, but we could be very good partners.”
“I don’t understand what you mean by that.”
“I mean it exactly. To achieve anything, there is nothing more important than allies who understand each other.”
“Surely you already have many such allies, Duke Gladinare.”
“And you?”
“…”
Of course not. I had no one.
“I think… untrustworthy allies are worse than having none at all.”
Even after hearing that I didn’t trust him, the duke showed no sign of being offended.
“Have you never thought of it this way? That until I drink the antidote, I am the one person who would never betray you?”
“…”
“Why don’t you use me?”
“If I did, then what makes me different from the one who gave you the potion?”
I froze as the realization struck me.
“Your Grace… why have you never asked?”
“Asked what?”
“Who gave you the potion.”
“Why don’t I suspect you, you mean?”
“…”
“If I did suspect you, there’d be no reason to show it. And if I don’t suspect you, then there’s no reason to ask at all.”
He was judging his situation with remarkable reason.
Seeing how calm he was, without being carried away by emotion, was both strange and reassuring.
At least in this one thing, Duke Ishtan Gladinare was a man I could trust.
No matter my motives or words, he would never lose his balance.
“Honestly, isn’t it you who’s losing out here?”
“Losing out?”
The question gave me a perspective I hadn’t considered.
“You’re forced to doubt a genuine appointment. You’re throwing away an opportunity that’s been given to you. If that isn’t a loss, what is?”
“…”
“And besides… receiving my love can’t be much of a pleasure either, given what people say about me.”
A demon crazed for blood, they called him. He looked at me steadily.
“In that case, Your Grace, you must feel the same. Surely it can’t be pleasant to fall for me, since people speak just as poorly of me.”
The duke chuckled softly.
Before I could settle into that strange sense of kinship, he shifted the subject again.
“And if others find out, they could use you as a hostage against me.”
“What?”
“Without realizing it, I’ve made quite a few enemies. There are plenty of forces waiting to oppose me.”
I frowned. He smiled faintly, voice tinged with humor.
“If that day comes, I’ll be relying on you, Baroness.”
“You sound as though you’d rather I die quickly and spare you the trouble.”
“If that’s how it sounded, I regret it, Baroness.”
“You still won’t deny it completely, will you?”
“Shall we seal it with a promise? Hook pinkies, perhaps?”
“I’ll pass, thank you.”
The mood between us had grown lighter when suddenly the carriage swerved sharply and came to a halt.
Caught off guard, I pitched forward.
My hand slammed against the wall for balance—
—and at the same moment, my body landed against something solid.
“…”
“…”
The duke was right in front of me.
I had closed the distance myself, uninvited.
His black eyes, trapped between my arms, stared up at me.
His skin was smooth, slightly tanned, without a blemish.
His sharp nose and shadowed eyes beneath thick brows gave his face a striking shape.
I quickly slid off his knees and dropped back into my seat.
The duke sat as neat and composed as ever—only the fold of his collar, where my hand had brushed, was slightly out of place.
…The picture of a man who had let me fall on him without moving a single finger.
Clearing my throat, I mumbled,
“…I’m sorry.”
The duke glanced out the window, then replied,
“You must have been startled. Looks like someone cut us off. Are you all right?”
Even though the carriage bore his family crest, someone had still dared to swerve in front of it. Maybe the carriage really was too small.
“We’ll arrive soon. Don’t worry yourself over it.”
He seemed perfectly calm.
I just nodded, though my whole body burned with embarrassment.
I had fallen onto his knees like a fool.
All I could recall clearly were his glossy black eyes and the neat line of his lashes. The rest of the moment had vanished like smoke.
As I swallowed in silence, he suddenly spoke.
“Baroness, haven’t you thought of this?”
“What do you mean?”
“That now that things are as they are, avoiding me at all costs might not be the wisest choice.”
“Unfortunately, that thought hasn’t occurred to me yet.”
“Why waste the effort? Sooner or later, we’ll meet again.”
“And why is that?”
I had no plans to sever ties entirely—I still needed him to uncover the truth about the potion. But I asked anyway.
His gaze met mine.
It wasn’t the look of a man choosing his words.
It was the look of someone finally giving voice to a truth that had existed all along.
“…Because that’s what I want.”
His voice carried the faint scent of dawn.
“Is something wrong, Baroness?”
I stared at him, too full of words to speak.
In that daze, I rode with him all the way to his destination—only to realize where we were.
Today was Founding Day, the opening of the Imperial Hunt held every year.
Now I understood why the roads had been blocked.
When I stepped down, the Imperial hunting grounds stretched wide across the northern forest.
And there I stood, the only person in a dress.
Was there a problem?
Of course there was.
If we were headed for the hunt, he should have let me off long before now!
My glare made no dent in him. He only stretched out his hand toward his aide, who was just entering the tent.
The aide brought back a hunting outfit and handed it over.
I blinked at it.
“What is this?”
“Ready-made. I thought it would suit you, so I had it brought.”
“…”
“It would be inconvenient to hunt in that dress.”
“And how exactly did I end up participating in this hunt, Your Grace?”
“Well, what else is there to do, now that you’re here?”
“I should go back home, that’s what!”
The duke turned his head slightly. His aide, reading the signal, slipped quietly out of the tent.
In that pause, I realized—I still hadn’t convinced him to change my appointment.
Given my situation, I should probably stay and press the matter further.
But even so, being dragged into this hunt so suddenly left me rattled.
“What about giving people one last chance?” he said.
“…”
The words hit me harder than I expected.
“You could have turned your back on everything and left. But you didn’t.”
“…”
“If there are still people in the life you want… don’t abandon that.”
Yes. Once, there had been.
Until not so long ago.
All through my illness, I had yearned for people.
My first lover, my first friends.
I had been happy.
But they had left me behind so easily.
And with time, I understood.
I had known them only two years.
Compared to the lifelong bonds of the nobility, I had always been an outsider.
To them, I had been Rohwinas Canesion’s lover, never Anastasia Roxan.
So of course, when I lost Rohwinas, I lost them too.
“Don’t let them forget who you are,” the duke said.
He once more held out the hunting clothes to me.
