Chapter 77
Gradually, dawn broke, and a soft blue light, as if watercolor had been lightly washed out, seeped through the curtains.
Lucia glanced around the room in a daze.
Then, she let out a deep sigh and buried her face in her knees.
“It was just a dream.”
She had dreamed of events from the past so vividly that, for a moment, it had felt real.
“No… maybe it was a little different…”
In the dream, she hadn’t confessed to Herwin. She had wanted her younger self to avoid the lonely and exhausting future she had faced over the past thirteen years.
But there was one more variable.
“Could this also just be wishful thinking?”
Herwin had confessed—yes, to her, no one else.
She couldn’t tell if it was because she had received his confession yesterday or if it was simply the manifestation of something she had longed for in her dream.
Realizing that it was all a dream left her heart tangled.
“I guess I still haven’t freed myself from Herwin…”
Lucia thought it was just her subconscious reflecting in her dream. Therefore, the dream had been contradictory to reality, even the opposite of it.
The relief she had felt by not confessing collided with the exhilaration of receiving Herwin’s confession.
For the first time, she had felt herself on equal footing with Herwin.
The fact that she had felt pleasure in that moment stirred a deep sense of revulsion within her.
“This is the worst. Lucia Agnes.”
She scolded herself.
Still, her heart raced uncontrollably. Even if it were just a dream, her body had responded naturally to Herwin’s confession.
Lucia brushed her dry face and checked the time.
It was an early hour—six o’clock. Fully awake now, she staggered toward the bathroom.
Washing her face with cold water calmed her racing heart slightly.
“Don’t dwell too much on a dream.”
Yes, a dream is just a dream. The events of the past don’t change.
“Then why did you have to confess yesterday and confuse me?”
She aimed her frustration at Herwin, but the heavier her heart felt, the more she realized it was her own burden alone.
Lucia gradually recalled what had happened yesterday.
“I love you, Lucia.”
His gaze, sweet to the point of melting her, his melodious voice, and even the warmth of his breath on the back of her hand—all of it still felt vivid.
Her face flushed hot once again.
As she splashed cold water on herself again, she tried to erase Herwin from her mind, but something caught her attention.
“Come to think of it… he seemed a little different than usual.”
Yesterday, Herwin hadn’t looked well.
“He seemed thinner, had dark circles under his eyes, and his eyes were a bit bloodshot, right?”
She had unconsciously worried when she first saw how haggard he looked, but she had been too shocked by his sudden confession to remember it.
The more she replayed yesterday in her mind, the more she regretted not paying closer attention to his condition.
“Maybe I should write him a letter.”
She wanted to check on him directly, but visiting a single man while she had a fiancé would be improper.
“Come to think of it, his body felt hot too! What if he was really in pain?”
Trying to erase Herwin from her thoughts had already faded, and Lucia paced the room, worry for him growing.
“Ugh…”
“Master, are you awake?”
Through blurred vision, Herwin could make out Jerome.
As he tried to rise, his body felt as if it were weighed down by a thousand-pound stone.
“Ugh…”
“Don’t get up yet. Your fever hasn’t broken.”
“Fever…?”
“Yes. You collapsed the moment you arrived at the mansion last night. Don’t you remember?”
Maybe he did, maybe he didn’t. He couldn’t even recall in what state of mind he had returned to the mansion.
Pressing his throbbing head, Herwin felt as if it might split—was it really a fever, as Jerome said?
“Fever…”
“Do you know how startled the lady was yesterday? Since you rarely fall seriously ill, she must have been even more worried.”
Herwin remembered Scarlet and looked at Jerome.
“That’s right… Mother came, didn’t she? Where is she now?”
“She’s having breakfast. She’ll be here soon.”
“Right…”
Perhaps because he was slightly relieved, Herwin flopped wearily back onto the bed.
Having been this ill was a rare occurrence for him, so his body felt utterly drained.
Unable to move, his thoughts wandered.
‘Come to think of it…’
He felt as if he had seen past events in a dream.
Though things had unfolded slightly differently this time.
Like yesterday’s dream version of Lucia, the younger Lucia in his memory had tried to leave him, and he had desperately confessed his feelings to her.
‘What happened after that?’
He couldn’t remember if she had answered. Only the sight of her turning away from him remained vivid in his mind.
Clenching his eyes shut, he felt the heart-wrenching pain.
‘This is punishment.’
For someone who rarely even caught a cold, being this ill had to be a punishment from God for hurting Lucia.
‘Was it as hard for Lucia as it was for me?’
Even he, newly aware of his feelings, was this distressed—how had she endured this pain for over ten years?
No, how had she loved him while enduring it?
Imagining himself in her position made him feel both admiration and guilt, and he felt he ought to spend his life atoning for it.
“Master, can you eat something?”
Jerome, still beside him, asked.
“No appetite.”
“But you haven’t had a proper meal in days. You even went out immediately yesterday.”
“I’m not feeling well.”
“Still…”
Hearing his weak voice, Jerome panicked, thinking Herwin truly was very ill.
“The more unwell you are, the more you need to eat.”
At that moment, Scarlet’s voice came. She had appeared at the doorway unnoticed and slowly approached Herwin.
“I specifically told the cook to bring this to you.”
“M-Ma’am… you didn’t make me fetch it myself…”
Jerome, flustered, took the tray from Scarlet’s hands.
“Now, let’s see… is your fever down?”
Lifting the blanket, Scarlet placed her hand on Herwin’s forehead to check his temperature.
“Still better than yesterday.”
“I’m fine.”
“Fine, my foot. Your voice is weak, too. Sit up and eat this. Only then can you take your medicine properly.”
Herwin grumbled as if treated like a child but eventually sat up and began to eat the porridge.
Watching him nibble, Scarlet signaled Jerome to leave, and the two were left alone.
Herwin looked at Scarlet.
“Don’t you have something to say to me?”
“…Do you have something you wish to hear?”
“I heard you went to the Agnes estate yesterday.”
Scarlet, sensing Herwin wouldn’t speak first, stopped probing.
“You went to see Lucia, didn’t you?”
“…Yes.”
“The engagement news, Henry’s letter, your actions yesterday… something must have happened with Lucia.”
Herwin pressed his lips tightly together, avoiding the question.
As expected, Scarlet sighed deeply.
“If you don’t speak, I’ll have to make my own assumptions. Will you keep silent still?”
Herwin turned his face away completely, and Scarlet frowned.
“The coachman said you were turned away from the Agnes estate. Even if you have no formal ties with the Agnes family, I can’t just watch you be left outside for hours. I’ll complain to them today if necessary.”
Herwin suddenly looked up, panicked.
“Please… don’t!”
“Is this how it takes to get you to look at me?”
Seeing Scarlet fold her arms and frown, Herwin clenched his fists.
“I… I wronged Lucia first. That’s why. Please forgive me.”
“What could you have done wrong to make them turn you away?”
Herwin hesitated. Though many things had happened with Lucia, he found it hard to explain them to his parent.
Yet, he could not let the blame fall on the Agnes family.
“I can’t explain in detail. But my actions hurt Lucia. And yesterday… I just went to see her because I had something urgent to tell her.”
Scarlet looked at him silently.
Before receiving Henry’s letter and arriving at the capital, she had thought Herwin was hiding his emotions.
So she had mentioned Lucia on purpose and suggested accepting her as a fiancée.
But her son, upon seeing her again, was utterly ruined by love.
Whether Henry’s letter was false or Herwin’s feelings had changed, she couldn’t tell.
But she could not leave her son in this state of agony.
“Alright. Since you’ve said so much, I have nothing more to ask. But one thing—do you like Lucia?”
Even if Herwin said nothing, Scarlet could read his answer. His red eyes, which had been dim, now sparked with fire.
“I’m glad you found the answer to what I told you last time.”
She recalled what she had said when they went north:
‘One day, Lucia will get engaged and married to someone. If you can accept it calmly when she leaves with another, then you are a true friend. If not, think carefully.’
Herwin had been so arrogant as to think she would always remain by his side that he overlooked such simple insight.
A bitter taste filled his mouth. If he had realized his feelings then, would Lucia have stayed by his side?
Seeing Herwin’s expression darken again, Scarlet removed the dish from his hands and handed him the medicine.
“The doctor says you should rest well for a while. Take this and sleep.”
Herwin rolled the medicine in his hand but obediently swallowed it and lay down.
“If your fever rises again, or if your head hurts, summon someone. Understand?”
“Where are you going?”
Scarlet’s tone implied she would not be at home.
“I’ll meet people I haven’t seen in a while while I’m in the capital.”
“You’re not going to complain at the Agnes estate, right?”
Scarlet paused, then smiled gently as she placed a damp cloth on his forehead.
“I was just speaking because you stayed silent. Don’t worry, nothing of the sort will happen.”
“That’s a relief.”
Finally free of doubt, Herwin let the medicine take effect.
Soon, he fell asleep, making soft sounds.
Scarlet drew the curtains tightly to ensure he could sleep soundly and left the room.
Jerome was waiting in the hallway.
“Take good care of Herwin while I’m gone.”
“Yes, ma’am. Where are you going?”
“To the Agnes estate.”
Scarlet erased the warm smile she had shown Herwin and adopted a cold expression.
