Chapter 44
Lately, I Feel Strange Whenever I See You
April 13, 2024
“Did you have a good dream, Nelly?”
“Grisha…”
Hearing my name in Grisha’s gentle voice always tickled me somehow—it felt a little strange, yet sweet.
But his arms around me were warm and familiar, the same as always, so I quickly forgot the awkwardness and smiled like a fool.
Having been with me for so long, Grisha could sense my condition without me saying a word.
“You must’ve talked too much yesterday. We both got a bit excited.”
“Uh-huh! Uh-huh!”
“You don’t have to force yourself to talk. I know what’s on your mind better than anyone else in the world.”
Grisha’s smile was bright enough to make the whole room glow.
I was about to keep clinging to him like a spoiled child when—
Cedar suddenly grabbed my shoulders and pulled me back.
“You’re awfully touchy. Maybe that kind of greeting was normal at the academy, but outside, you might want to restrain yourself a little.”
Here we go again.
I pouted. He was always nitpicking about something.
Kind-hearted Grisha, though, didn’t seem to mind and simply smiled as he greeted him.
“Good morning.”
“…Yeah. Good morning.”
Cedar’s brow furrowed as if he’d realized he’d been acting immature again.
Just then, the front door opened, and Jacques came in.
“Good morning, Captain.”
“Morning.”
It was Cedar who had told Jacques to come to the mansion.
When Jacques turned to look at Grisha, his eyes sparkled with curiosity and excitement—like stars.
Before I could even introduce them, the two recognized each other and exchanged polite greetings.
“Hello, I’m Jacques.”
“I offer my respect to the Guardian of the Ancient Forest. I’m Grisha, a mage.”
“Mages seem to know a lot about other races.”
“Embarrassingly enough, I looked you up in the literature when I heard you were an elf.”
“You’re too modest.”
Just a few words in, Jacques already seemed to sense that Grisha was a good person.
Without further delay, Grisha said he would begin examining Jacques’s curse.
“Then please, lie down here.”
Not wanting to interfere with a mage’s work, I quietly closed the door behind them.
Since I’d been feeling weak all morning, I immediately flopped down on the sofa in the sitting room like I’d been waiting for it.
“Your skirt.”
Cedar, who had followed me, started nagging right away. Apparently, my skirt had ridden up a little when I lay down, exposing my legs.
Ugh, so annoying.
Naturally, I didn’t move an inch. So what if someone saw a bit of leg?
Cedar must not have expected me to listen anyway. He sighed and placed a thin blanket over me, then sat nearby.
You know, I think I’m starting to get used to this constant nagging.
I yawned lazily like a cat in a sunny spot.
Cedar fidgeted with his fingers for a while, probably bored, before finally speaking up.
“…When did you promise Jacques that you’d introduce him to Grisha?”
“When he came by to check if my fever had gone down. I just felt bad for him.”
“You said it was a curse?”
“Yes. Probably.”
Mages rarely give definitive answers.
And curses aren’t exactly my area of expertise.
Because it’s unnatural for the chest of a forest race like elves to carry cold energy, I suspected it was a curse. But if it were an ordinary person, I might’ve thought it was just ice-elemental magic.
Ugh, I want to tell him everything—how I figured it out, how fascinating magic really is!
But since I didn’t know how much Cedar already understood, I couldn’t explain it all in detail. I just kept squirming with frustration.
Then, he asked what I’d been waiting for.
“What’s the difference between a curse and magic?”
That was exactly the question I’d been hoping for! I perked up and started chatting away excitedly.
“They’re completely different. A curse always requires someone’s negative emotions.”
“Negative emotions?”
“Hmm… how do I put this…”
Cedar didn’t seem to know much about magic, so I tried to explain as simply as possible.
“Let’s say I want to make it rain on the herbs in a field right now. If I use my mana and turn it into water-elemental energy to make rain, that’s magic. If I ask for divine power to bring the rain instead, that’s a blessing. But if I use mana—or even the power of something evil—to wither and kill the herbs, that’s a curse.”
Cedar frowned slightly.
“But isn’t good and evil just a matter of human perspective? It seems strange that natural forces like mana would follow such subjective ideas.”
“That’s an excellent point. Very sharp of you.”
“…Hmph.”
He looked a little embarrassed at my praise, probably not used to compliments.
“You’re right—distinguishing perfectly between magic and blessings isn’t easy. That’s why, when determining whether something is a curse, the main standard is whether it betrays someone’s sincere intent.”
“Sincere intent is just as subjective, though.”
“Hmm… maybe I should say ‘will’ instead. For example, if I truly want my herbs to thrive, but they wilt anyway, that’s often seen as a curse.”
“And in Jacques’s case, what kind of curse do you think it is?”
“I’m not very good at dispelling curses, so I can’t be sure—but I’d guess it’s the most common kind: one that threatens life itself.”
Cedar’s face darkened.
“Life… because all living beings have a will to survive?”
“Exactly. And the more primal that desire, the stronger the curse tends to be. Of course, the price for invoking such a curse is equally heavy.”
“I see. So curses wishing for death are the most common.”
Usually, people place curses out of hatred so deep they want someone dead—but there’s another kind that’s just as strong.
“There’s also the kind born from love.”
“Love? Like a curse to make someone fall in love with you?”
“Oh, no. That’s a cute little spell. What I mean is the kind of curse that ruins the one you love.”
Cedar made a baffled face.
“Why would you do that? Isn’t love about wishing for someone’s happiness?”
“Well, not every form of love is welcome. Some people would rather destroy the one they love than let anyone else have them. I can’t really understand that desperate sort of longing myself, though. I mean, people can’t really belong to anyone, can they?”
“Hmm.”
I’d just been speaking lightly, but Cedar’s thoughtful, serious “hmm” made the air awkward.
Hmm? Does that mean he gets it?
Wait—what exactly does he “get”? Wanting to destroy someone you can’t have? Or yearning desperately for someone?
Cedar didn’t seem like the type to hurt anyone, but…
Could it be that he’s experienced that kind of longing? Maybe even right now?
Just imagining Cedar tormented by unrequited love made my heart beat faster.
I stared at him, eyes wide with curiosity.
Love story! I want details!
Maybe he felt my gaze, because he awkwardly rubbed his cheek before changing the subject.
“Anyway, I hope Grisha can lift Jacques’s curse.”
“…Yeah, me too.”
What? That’s it?
Way to kill the mood. I’d been all ready for a juicy first-love story!
Not that I’d be in any position to give advice—I’ve never even experienced love. All I’ve ever known is the bond I share with Grisha.
Still, a little romance wouldn’t hurt!
Seriously, not even a hint? I was sitting right here, ready to listen!
Even as my excitement started to fade, I kept my eyes sparkling, unwilling to give up.
Cedar rubbed his face again and finally spoke—very slowly.
“…Isn’t it tiring, though?”
“Huh? What is?”
“You said you talked too much earlier.”
“Oh!”
Oh, that’s what he meant. He was referring to what Grisha had said this morning.
I quickly shook my head.
“Not at all! I could talk about magic for a week straight without eating and still be happy! Mages are chatterboxes by nature, you know. Of course, if it’s not about magic, I get tired really fast.”
Especially when it’s about vegetables.
If someone nags me about eating greens, I could probably lock myself in my room for a week.
I rattled on so fast that Cedar blinked a few times in surprise—then smiled softly, eyes curving gently.
“Then that’s good.”
Just a smile. Just him looking at me.
Ugh, what’s this weird feeling?
My whole body tingled, like I was being tickled from the inside out. I hunched my shoulders.
Something’s really wrong with me lately. It wasn’t like this when we first started living together.
Now my heart raced and my face flushed every time he was near.
Wait… could it be a health problem?
Yeah. A racing heart for no reason? That can’t be good. I threw off the blanket and stood up.
When you’re not feeling well, moving around helps.
And since this only happens when I’m near Cedar… I should stay away from him for now.
There was only one place that fit the bill—where I could move and stay far away from him.
The field. I’ll go to the field!
