Chapter 34
Can’t You Use Magic?
April 3, 2024
I’ve said it countless times before — when I was a child, I was a useless kid.
[Nellie, can’t you see Mommy’s busy? Go to your room and read a book.]
[She’s my daughter, but I don’t know why she’s so stupid.]
I was just a little slow to speak and move, but my parents naturally favored Diana over me.
Watching them, I think I instinctively realized something from a young age —
affection isn’t free.
Not even between parents and children.
But there were still days when I craved warmth.
Like those deep, early mornings after a scary dream…
Or those nights when I’d worked so hard on my research only to be scolded for it, sitting alone in my room afterward.
I think that’s why I reached out so easily to Grisha back then —
because I already knew what aching loneliness felt like.
I couldn’t help being born the way I was…
but I had hoped Grisha would never have to know loneliness.
Then… who’s going to hold me?
I wanted someone to pat my head and tell me I was doing well too.
Sometimes even breathing felt too heavy, and I’d just sit there blankly, frozen.
But deep down, I already knew the answer.
Don’t expect affection. It’s not something you can demand from others — and even if you do get it, what sincerity could there possibly be in it?
A famous poet once said —
humans are inherently lonely creatures.
The warmth that never fills… you can only leave it hollow and keep on living.
Affection isn’t free. Even my own parents didn’t love me.
But I have magic, don’t I?
That should be enough. I have talent in magic, and as long as I’m casting spells, everyone looks at me.
But now… even that magic is gone.
What am I supposed to do now?
My heart felt empty — so empty that I couldn’t think straight.
And then—
“Huh?”
A big, rough hand grabbed my wrist and pulled me up.
Sun-browned skin like sweet cookies baked in sunlight, thick brows, a handsome yet stern face.
He looked at me like I was a stubborn child and smiled faintly, one eyebrow raised.
[You’re really an oblivious woman.]
The moment I heard that voice, my eyes flew open — I woke up.
Sunlight filtered through the thin curtains, brightening the room.
I sat on the bed, dazed, replaying the dream in my head.
That was… Sither, right?
Sither had grabbed me, pulling me out from my loneliness.
That awkward but strangely warm smile of his was still so vivid that I buried my face in my palms.
“Wow… what kind of dream was that…”
Of all people, why Sither?
Maybe I’d gotten too used to living in the same house as him.
Hiding my flushed face in my hands, I couldn’t help but feel that last night’s events were like a dream.
Someone had come to kill me —
and Sither had saved me.
It all felt distant, unreal, like an illusion.
But it had happened.
The memory of hiding beside the drawer made my body tremble.
She definitely said she was the Duchess.
Sither’s mother, Lady Briar —
the one who had nearly forced her way into the mansion the day before just to meet me.
If she was willing to break down the door back then, it wasn’t hard to see how serious she was.
And now she’d sent assassins.
Even knowing Sither might never forgive her, she’d done it anyway.
So if she failed once, she wouldn’t stop there.
Her shrill voice echoed in my mind—
[You’re such a foolish child. Foolish and pathetic! How could you throw away a title over something like pride?]
So that’s it… Sither doesn’t want to inherit the dukedom.
From that short exchange, I could tell the cause of their conflict immediately.
When she saw how determined Sither was, she must’ve decided it’d be better to eliminate the useless wife than to fight him head-on. That’s why she sent an assassin.
Everything lined up perfectly.
That assassin’s shock at seeing me alive —
their immediate intent to kill me —
from the start, my death had been their mission.
But sending an assassin… that’s not something a normal person does.
What kind of mother sends a killer after her son’s wife just because her son disobeyed her?
I bit my lip.
It’s actually more dangerous to stay married to Sither now. Everything’s changed.
Should I ask for a divorce right away?
But there’s still time left before I can receive my inheritance.
If I divorced him now… what would happen to me afterward?
And what about Sither after I leave?
I knew I shouldn’t be worrying about him.
My life was the one in danger, and no matter how terrifying his mother was, Sither wasn’t someone who’d easily yield.
Still… somehow, I found myself worrying — would he be alright once I was gone?
Lady Briar was the most frightening person I’d ever met.
Ugh, seriously… why is my head such a mess?
No wonder I had such a weird dream.
I let out a deep sigh.
Just then, heavy footsteps echoed in the hallway, followed by a knock on the door.
Knock, knock.
When I opened it, there he was — Sither.
“Nellie.”
“H-husband?”
Maybe the lingering fear from last night hadn’t fully left me — my hands trembled as soon as I heard his knock.
I hid them under the blanket and smiled awkwardly.
As he walked toward me, he muttered under his breath, half-grumbling—
“I told you not to call me that. Use my name.”
“Calling you by name is embarrassing.”
“Yeah, sure.”
He snorted as if to say I didn’t have an ounce of shame to begin with —
so typical of him that I couldn’t help but chuckle.
It felt like a perfectly peaceful morning —
as if everything from last night had just been a dream.
I was just thinking about asking for a divorce, too…
My gaze dropped naturally to his footsteps as he approached.
Come to think of it, when he ambushed the assassins last night, I didn’t hear his footsteps at all.
Not just that — I hadn’t even seen him move when he fought.
He must’ve done that deliberately, so I wouldn’t have to see anything.
He really went out of his way for me…
Realizing that made my chest ache — warm and heavy all at once.
I bit my lip and bowed my head to keep the tears back.
Then his hand cupped my cheek, tilting my face up toward him.
His familiar, slightly frowning, expressionless face filled my vision.
His thick thumb pressed lightly against my lips.
“What’s this? Your lip’s split again.”
“Huh?”
I’d bitten my lip earlier while worrying, reopening yesterday’s wound.
When I tried to check if it was bleeding, I forgot that he was still holding my lips.
My tongue brushed against his thumb — just a light touch.
Sither froze like he’d been struck by lightning, flinched back a couple steps, then narrowed his eyes.
“…Was that on purpose?”
“Oh— sorry for licking you. Go wash your hand quickly.”
“D-don’t say it like that! It sounds weird!”
Weird? How? I tilted my head, confused.
Seeing my genuinely puzzled expression, he sighed so hard it looked painful.
“She’s definitely doing it on purpose. Biting her lips, making them bleed, then sticking her tongue out in front of me…”
That’s paranoia if I’ve ever heard it. I laughed and waved a hand dismissively.
“Why would I do that? It’s not like I enjoy being scolded by you.”
Then I sucked lightly on my lower lip.
The bleeding wasn’t much, and only a faint metallic taste spread in my mouth —
just a tinge of bitterness that made my tongue tingle.
“Ugh, it’s bitter.”
“…”
The ointment from last night still lingered on my lips.
Sither rubbed his slightly flushed face with his palm, exhaling slowly, before sitting beside me again.
And just like yesterday, he carefully wiped my lips with a handkerchief, checking for any missed wounds.
Fortunately, I was fine.
Proudly puffing out my chest, I said, “I did my best hiding last night, you know. If not for the sound of my hair brushing, I wouldn’t have been caught!”
“It was your hair that gave you away?”
“Yes! The sound was tiny, but they noticed right away.”
A noise no louder than a mosquito’s wings — yet they’d reacted instantly.
Professional assassins really were something else.
Still… the fact that I can laugh about it now feels surreal. I really thought I was going to die.
As I trembled, remembering that close call, a shadow suddenly fell over me.
Sither leaned in closer — his tall frame blocking out the light.
“Answer me honestly.”
His eyes were cold, sharp like ice.
I could’ve looked away, but somehow, I couldn’t move.
Then, in a firm, unyielding voice, he asked—
“Can you not use magic?”
It was the one question I had wanted to avoid more than anything.
