Chapter 59
The last time I checked, Johann’s hatred level was 60.
And since the urgent reason I had to go home had disappeared, now was the perfect time to squeeze every bit of sympathy out of Johann to lower that hatred.
Just then, I felt something rising from my lungs.
Cough, cough!
Sure enough, a fit of coughing burst out, staining the palm that covered my mouth with blood.
When I glanced at Johann’s face, he looked completely pale—exactly as I had expected.
As I thought. My guess was right.
“Damn it, are you okay? Lie down right now. Do you even realize you’re sick? You’re ill, Odette. Lie down on the bed first.”
Flustered, Johann hurriedly tried to lay me down. It was so unlike him, who normally acted with strict discipline and composure.
How could I deepen his guilt? How could I wring more pity out of him?
I didn’t need to think for long.
“I’m sorry. I dirtied the sheets. I’ll clean the blood myself. Could you tell me where the laundry—”
All I had to do was imagine what I would do if this were the Count’s mansion.
The weak and servile tone that came out of my mouth seemed to shake Johann to his core.
“You…”
He looked as though he had lost his country—like the foundation of the life he believed in had been ripped away.
“That’s enough… it’s fine, just… just lie down. Please.”
Pretending not to hear the tremor in his voice, I sat up and grabbed a handkerchief nearby.
I started scrubbing at the blanket with it, trying to clean the blood.
“……”
Johann stared at me, seemingly at a loss for words.
“Stop, Odette. Please. Do you even know how pale your face is right now? You just coughed up blood. You can’t be moving like this.”
It was already working. Odette—he had called me by my name.
The last time he had used my name was when we first met, three years ago. After that, for a while, he had called me Lady Odette. But once things turned sour between us, Johann never again used my name.
He only addressed me by my family name, even if it killed him.
So, for him to say “Odette” now, even in urgency, was a very promising sign.
“Coughing up blood isn’t such a big deal. How could I let a maid clean up something this filthy? Please let me clean it myself.”
At my words, Johann froze. His face hardened, and loosening his tie as though it was choking him, he yanked the handkerchief out of my hand.
“What’s filthy about it? Why is your blood filthy?”
His voice dropped, thick with anger.
“What do I have to do to make you rest? Do I need to tie you to the bed?”
“…What?”
…Wait a second. That’s a bit much.
“Can’t I? If you don’t want to be tied down, then lie still.”
Saying that, he grabbed my shoulders and pressed me into the bed, tugging the bell rope irritably.
A palace servant rushed in, and Johann barked out his order with a ferocity I had never seen before.
“Bring hot water and medicine! Now!”
Then, storming out, he returned a moment later—with a fresh, white quilt in his arms.
…What?
I was left stunned.
No, wait. I was trying to act humble, not actually be humbled.
But Johann seemed determined to humble me. He started changing out the bedclothes himself, a job usually done only by maids.
It all happened so quickly that by the time I gathered my thoughts, the bed already had clean sheets.
That quilt looks heavy… how did he move that fast? Ah, right. He’s a transcendent.
Good grief. Now he was carrying the soiled sheets to the laundry himself. Judging by his determination, he fully intended to wash them with his own hands.
I hurried to stop him.
“Wait, Your Highness. You don’t have to—”
“Before I’m Crown Prince, I’m just a soldier. Think of me as a common soldier and accept my service.”
Just a soldier? Has he lost his mind? You’re an admiral of the navy. If real soldiers heard you, they’d go mad.
“Aren’t you the opposite? Before being a soldier, you’re the Crown Prince. You weren’t born a soldier…”
“Same thing.”
“No, Your Highness. Truly, you don’t need to—”
“Enough. I’d rather do this myself than hear you say your blood is dirty.”
Despite my protests, Johann displayed military precision, tucking in the sheets perfectly before striding out again.
His bed-making skills would put most maids to shame.
“……”
What is this? This wasn’t the direction I wanted things to go.
By the time I came to my senses, I was lying under fresh, spotless sheets. Johann had insisted I stay down until he finished.
Come to think of it… Johann’s the type who uses his body to work off guilt.
“Uh… thank you, I guess.”
“Don’t mention it.”
Frowning, Johann crossed his arms and sat down in the chair beside my bed.
“Do you really have to go back to the Count’s house? It doesn’t seem like they even feed you properly.”
“What?”
“Those bastards take the most precious things from the Empire just because they’re the purifier’s family. And yet, the purifier herself is starving and tubercular.”
“……”
“Come to the Crown Prince’s palace. I’ll protect you from the Count, and give you anything you want.”
Of course, Johann didn’t know that I was staying in the Count’s mansion only to take revenge. Zion wouldn’t have reported that part of our arrangement.
And naturally, I had no intention of telling Johann about my revenge, either.
Tell that to a man this upright, and it would only increase his hatred.
At best, I’d get a lecture.
“That would be difficult, Your Highness. If an unmarried woman like me lived in the Crown Prince’s palace, my already bad reputation would become even worse.”
“Then… what about staying under the Empress’s protection?”
“That won’t be necessary, Your Highness. I don’t wish for protection from the Imperial Family.”
Smiling faintly, I shook my head. Johann rubbed his face in frustration.
“Odette, I know you don’t want to answer me about the Count’s affairs.”
After a pause, his voice grew heavy with responsibility.
“…Then at least tell me this. Is there anything I can do to help you? No matter how small, just something.”
His blue eyes fixed on me with knightly resolve. If I said yes, he looked ready to leap into action immediately.
But I shook my head.
“No, Your Highness. There’s nothing you can do.”
Now wasn’t the time to relieve his guilt. Now was the time to increase it.
It didn’t matter what Johann could do for me now. Nothing was more valuable than the guilt he would carry later.
Even if he realizes I’m a fake, he won’t be able to pursue me—because of that guilt. Even if his hatred multiplies sixty-onefold and he burns with the desire to kill me, he’ll still hesitate for one crucial moment—because of that guilt.
Johann seemed about to say more, but just then, the sound of rushing water filled the air.
A fountain outside the window had begun to spout.
“……”
“……”
It was the crystal fountain in the garden, built for the summer ball season. During the balls, it would be filled with chilled wine to cool the night.
They must have been running a test in preparation for the upcoming festivities.
So, the ball season is nearly here…
Even as I watched the rehearsal, it didn’t feel real. In my previous life, there hadn’t been any summer ball—because the Crown Prince’s rampages had made it impossible for the Imperial Palace to host such an event.
This time, though, my mother would surely attend—especially since she had missed the Empress’s salon and had no husband to escort her. That meant I would be forced to attend as well.
Watching the dazzling waterworks outside, I spoke lightly.
“Oh. There is one thing you can do for me, Your Highness.”
Johann looked at me.
“Please… hate me a little less.”
Thinking of the hatred level at 60, I smiled at him. He only stared back silently.
“…Odette.”
“Yes, Your Highness?”
“I never knew. That you… lived in such a hell.”
His voice sounded strangled, and his sunken blue eyes were like the depths of the sea.
“If I had known, I wouldn’t have left you there. You were so small. I would have found a way—any way—to save you.”
“I know. If Your Highness had known about the abuse, you would have taken me from that house immediately.”
“I know I’m very late… but even now—”
“I have to not be an abuse victim, so that you can hate me freely, don’t I?”
My words seemed to hit home. Johann closed his mouth, his expression twisting in pain.
Despite his moral compass holding him back, he still couldn’t help feeling hatred toward me. And that made him feel guilty all over again.
‘Even now’? In my past life, maybe. But in this one, that help is worse than useless.
“Rescues that come too late aren’t rescues at all, Your Highness. I no longer wait for someone to pull me out of hell. I don’t need that anymore.”
“……”
“The only way you can help me, Your Highness, is by hating me less.”
That much, I truly meant. I wasn’t blaming Johann. I was only telling him how desperately I needed his hatred level to drop.
“……”
Johann fell silent, lost in thought.
I had planned to wait for his answer, but my eyes slowly shut. Sleep was dragging me under.
“…I’m not asking you to stop hating me, just to hate me less. Is that really so hard…?”
The drowsy thought slipped out of my mouth.
“Odette.”
He called my name, but I was too exhausted—after coughing blood and taking medicine—to stay awake.
I drifted off, barely hearing him mutter something I couldn’t make out.
When I next opened my eyes, I was back in my room at the mansion.
I knew immediately that Johann had brought me there. And that with the guilt he felt today, his hatred level had surely dropped.
I didn’t even need to check. His silence had been proof enough. I was certain I had left a deep impression on him.
