Chapter 25
Ellen choked on her sobs, wiping at the never-ending stream of tears.
But her hands were too soaked to be of any use anymore. Eventually, she let her arms fall to her sides.
Utterly drained, she forced herself to take a few deep breaths.
You need to sleep. There’s class tomorrow, and… you’re supposed to see Roy.
Roy?
…Roy.
Now that she thought about it, there was something she’d been thinking about while with him earlier.
Ellen rolled over, hugging her pillow. The thought was on the tip of her mind, but her head felt hot and fuzzy—it just wouldn’t come to her clearly.
Ah, right. Those hand signals.
Earlier, while waiting for prey, she and Roil had come up with nearly ten different hand signals—but nearly all of them, no, actually all of them were familiar to her.
Even the ones Roil had suggested first were signals she remembered from long ago.
“Hide!”
“Run!”
“You go that way, I’ll go this way!”
“Meet at the end of the alley!”
They were signals she used as a child when she, Eunho, and the other kids would play in the alleys—ringing doorbells and running away, or wielding sticks they’d found and pretending to wage war.
Sometimes, they’d get caught while dragging little Hyerim around or get scolded after being spotted by the “enemy,” but those signals had always been useful.
So I was a pretty mischievous kid after all.
Ellen, who had thought of herself as a quiet, obedient child, finally realized in her second life that she hadn’t really been that tame at all.
As the memories bubbled up, she smiled fondly through her swollen, tear-streaked face. And then her expression froze.
But how does Roy know those exact signals?
Roil hadn’t just accepted the signals she proposed with familiarity—he’d also suggested identical gestures to the ones she used to know.
Ellen shivered slightly.
She had thought before, more than once, that Roy reminded her of Eunho.
That first day, under the dappled shade of the blotchy tree, whistling while slowly nodding his head.
Offering her sweets when she was feeling down.
The sketch he made of a hot air balloon—something that didn’t even exist in this world.
His reaction to the yellow dog in her drawing, the one with the black crescent moon on its rear.
The way he seemed more mature and composed than other kids his age.
Scolding her for heading into the woods on a foggy day.
Quietly looking out for their friends at the market without drawing attention.
How he always let others off the hook but nagged her about everything.
The careful way he handled animals, so they wouldn’t be startled.
Teaching her a game of jacks with rules exactly the same as what she knew.
And now… these hand signals, exactly like the ones she and her friends had once used.
For over five years, Roil’s behavior had constantly reminded her of Eunho. At some point, he had always felt like Eunho. His presence carried the same familiar scent.
Is it even possible for someone to resemble another so completely? It’s not like he’s a doppelgänger.
She rubbed the back of her neck, chilled.
Just as her thoughts veered toward missing Eunho, one absurd, impossible idea struck her.
No… that’s ridiculous. But then again, something ridiculous happened to me too, didn’t it?
Ellen gripped her pillowcase tightly.
If that were true… then it would all make sense.
All those eerily familiar gestures.
The emotions that overwhelmed her whenever she looked at Roil and suddenly missed Eunho so badly it made her chest ache.
If Roil was Eunho… If Eunho was Roil…
She had always thought it impossible. But now, she couldn’t help but wonder—how could someone be this identical and not be the same person?
To be honest, a part of her was hoping it was true. Even if he looked completely different, even if he was older or lived in another world—Eunho was still Eunho. The friend she longed for.
If Roil was Eunho… maybe her guilt wouldn’t weigh so heavily. If even one person from that terrible day had managed to find a new life… maybe then she could find a sliver of peace.
But then, another thought intruded.
If Roil was Eunho… then where was the real Roilet? Had she stolen Roilet’s life, just as she had taken Elenoa’s?
If that were the case, then wasn’t it wrong for her to even hope?
And yet…
Even with the crushing weight of guilt, some part of her couldn’t help it.
She wanted Roil to be Eunho.
The thoughts in her head were overwhelming. Ellen struggled to breathe. The dreamlike unreality of it all—and her own selfishness—made it feel like her chest would burst.
You don’t know anything yet. Roil could be Eunho… but he might not be. Calm down, Ellen.
She didn’t know anything for sure yet.
✿ ✿ ✿
Ellen hadn’t slept a wink.
“Ellen, did something happen last night?”
Gloria asked with concern when she saw Ellen’s pale, drawn face.
“No. Nothing happened. I was just lost in thought and couldn’t sleep, that’s all.”
Ellen’s firm response kept Gloria from pressing further.
She had seen this side of Ellen before—those occasional mornings when the family ate together, or when she happened to catch Ellen early in the day, she’d sometimes appear sleep-deprived.
Each time, Gloria would ask, but Ellen would dodge the question.
Still… she’s never looked this haggard before.
Gloria watched her with worried eyes, but Ellen seemed oblivious.
She went through her stretching routine and did her rounds in the training grounds before starting her strength training.
“Ellen, you’re not using any strength in this part.”
“You’ve already finished this move. Move on to the next.”
“You’ve finished one set—aren’t you going to rest?”
Ellen moved like a machine, her eyes dull and unfocused. Gloria watched her with equal parts concern and frustration.
After the warm-ups, Ellen entered the archery range and loaded an arrow without even checking the bowstring.
“…Elenoa. You need to check your bow.”
More than half her arrows missed the target completely. That’s when Gloria realized something was seriously wrong.
Archery required a focused mind. No matter how much she practiced today, she would only wear down her arrows.
“Ellen, forget the bow. Just do some basic throwing star drills and call it a day.”
Ellen silently obeyed and walked over to the shuriken area.
Still moving mechanically, she barely warmed up her wrist and picked up a throwing star.
Clink… roll…
Her aim looked decent, but the throw had no power—like she’d simply flung it without care. Gloria sighed.
Then Ellen absentmindedly touched the blade with her finger.
Gloria gasped and shouted.
“Elenoa! What are you doing, daydreaming while holding a weapon?!”
Startled, Ellen turned toward her with wide, rabbit-like eyes—but what came out of her mouth was something completely different.
“M-Mom. Has Roy ever… almost died or been really sick?”
Her voice trembled. Gloria almost asked what was going on but stopped herself. Instead, she spoke firmly.
“Still spacing out even while being scolded? Do you think the target will spare you just because you’re distracted? That’s it for today. You’re doing twenty laps around the training grounds.”
She hoped Ellen would tire herself out and shake the thoughts from her head. Gloria gave the command, and Ellen replied quietly before putting down the star and beginning to run.
Gloria watched her for a long time, her face gradually hardening.
Ellen looked like she didn’t even realize she was out of breath. Her legs moved like clockwork, her torso merely dragged along.
By the thirteenth lap, Gerald, who had been watching from the estate, came down to stand beside Gloria.
“I’ve been watching from above…”
“She’s especially bad today, isn’t she?”
Gloria’s tone was grim. Gerald nodded.
“What could be troubling her so deeply? Why won’t she confide in us, even just a little?”
His voice was full of sorrow.
“Darling, if she keeps this up, she’s going to collapse.”
Ellen looked like she might fall flat on her face at any moment.
“Let’s stop her for today.”
At Gerald’s words, Gloria called out to Ellen.
Ignoring Gerald completely, Ellen ran over to Gloria with desperate eyes.
“Mom. Please. I’m sorry. I’ll pull myself together tomorrow. But please answer me—has Roy ever been seriously hurt or close to death?”
It was the same question as before.
“Yes. When you had Rollanda fever, Roy caught it too. You gave it to him.”
Ellen’s eyes trembled violently at the answer.
“I—I have to go somewhere.”
She bowed and took off running toward the stables.
“L-Lady?”
Jim, the stable keeper, flinched at the sight of Ellen rushing in, covered in sweat.
He had worked at the Quinter estate for a long time and had known her since she was little. Though a bit of a tomboy, she’d never run around looking this disheveled. She’d always carried herself with elegance.
“Jim! Jenny!”
Gasping for breath, Ellen called out. At her shout, Jim hastily saddled up Jenny.
The moment Jenny was ready, Ellen snatched the reins and mounted her in one motion.
She shot off like a bullet, and Jim turned toward the estate.
What on earth is going on back there?
“The gate!”
The guards at the front gate scrambled in confusion as Ellen came charging on horseback.
Their young lady had never ridden a horse inside the estate. And now she was galloping straight toward the gate?
“Open the gate! Move!”
As Ellen neared and shouted again, the guards hurriedly swung the gate open.
“What the hell?”
“Are we under attack?”
“Why is she riding out like that?!”
Stunned, the guards watched her disappear down the road. The guard captain, hearing the report, immediately ordered the gates secured and the estate’s defenses tightened.
