Chapter 4. An Ominous Thought
Before going to bed, the two of them exchanged polite, showy greetings in front of the servants and then went into their respective rooms. It felt wasteful to wash away the carefully prepared appearance from earlier that day, but there was no choice if they wanted to avoid suspicion.
After her bath, Roa changed into her nightgown and extinguished the lamp. The servants bowed and left the room. Once she confirmed they were gone, Roa rose again from her bed. She groped around in the dark, searching for something. The ruby necklace—placed around her neck by Eizen himself earlier that day. Since they were meeting in secret, she couldn’t afford to dress up, but at least this necklace she wanted to wear.
With the ruby pendant around her neck, Roa waited for the night to deepen. She sat by the window, relying only on the faint moonlight streaming in. She didn’t leave the spot, wanting to catch sight of whether or not he would come out of the mansion.
Before long, Eizen appeared outside and lifted his gaze toward the upper floor. Their eyes met, and Roa immediately slipped out of her room.
“Eizen.”
In the darkness, only two things shone: her blue eyes, and the ruby pendant glowing red in contrast.
“I was too curious about what you wanted to say, so I came out early,” Eizen said, his face filled with anticipation.
Roa shyly fiddled with the ruby pendant before speaking.
“I’ll accept your knight’s oath.”
Even before Eizen’s lips could curl into a smile, she added,
“And as for the matter of marriage…”
A matter far more important than receiving a knight’s oath. His throat bobbed nervously.
She drew out her words, hesitating. The suspense was enough to make his blood run dry. Each second felt like an hour. What answer would those small, delicate lips utter? Her vague expression gave him no clue at all.
Finally, she released the pendant she had been toying with. Her blue eyes darted about before locking with his. But only for a moment—soon she gave a small, awkward smile and looked away.
“Well… I don’t know yet. My father would have to approve first.”
Scratching the back of his neck in embarrassment, she trailed off. Eizen stared at her blankly for a moment, then suddenly stepped closer.
“Don’t worry about that. I’ll convince Count Clarion, no matter what.”
His closeness made Roa’s heart pound wildly. She wanted to step back, but she gripped her skirt tightly and endured.
“Thank you. This feels like a dream.”
Eizen’s face was more unguarded than ever before. Roa, too, looked up at him and smiled.
“I even prayed for you, you know. I wished for you to succeed. I never imagined you would appear before me as such a splendid knight, wanting to become my protector.”
At her words, Eizen lowered his head in disbelief, covering his face with his hands. Through the gap between his fingers, she could see his cheeks glowing red.
“I feel so unworthy, I don’t know what to do.”
“I feel the same…”
He lowered his hands and fixed his gaze squarely on her. Then, lips trembling slightly, he asked,
“Can I… hold you?”
Roa’s eyes widened in surprise, but after a shy pause, she gave a small nod. Eizen reached out carefully with both arms. Though his approach had been slow, when he finally wrapped them around her shoulders, he pulled her firmly against him.
Four years. That was how long it had taken to hold her in his arms. He wanted to feel every part of her presence within him. Lowering his face toward her neck, he breathed in her soft scent. It was even more intoxicating than he had imagined, making it impossible to pull away.
“E-Eizen…”
When the embrace lingered too long, Roa began to squirm slightly. Feeling her shift, Eizen quickly loosened his grip.
“Ah, sorry.”
Silence hovered between them, yet his eyes never left her. He didn’t want to let go. Having touched her once only ignited an even greater desire.
“Roa.”
He called her name heavily. She lifted her gaze, nervous, forcing herself to meet his eyes. His hand reached to gently caress her cheek. Her lashes quivered, and his face leaned closer, nearer, until their breaths mingled. At the last instant, he shifted his face to her ear instead.
“Is… this okay?”
His breath tickled her ear, so close it made her flinch. Roa hesitated from shyness before whispering back in the smallest voice,
“Mm-hm.”
The moment she gave permission, Eizen’s lips sought hers. Their first kiss. Overwhelmed, Roa instinctively squeezed her eyes shut. Soon, she felt his lips press gently against her own.
Tilting his head, Eizen lingered on her lower lip, savoring it. Then, startled at his own boldness, he quickly pulled back.
“I want to do more… would that be all right?”
Though he smiled, it was clear he was struggling to hold back. Roa nodded. Before taking her lips again, he first kissed her forehead.
“Don’t be too startled.”
“Okay.”
With that sweet warning, their lips met again. His large hand slipped into her hair, cradling the back of her neck. As his lips parted, hers followed, breaths intertwining, tongues softly entwining.
The ecstasy of finally grasping what he had longed for was beyond words. The more he tasted, the deeper his addiction grew. It was only a kiss—lips against lips—yet it felt like they had exchanged souls, binding them even closer.
Dangerous thoughts began to stir in his mind. Only after his body reacted as a man did he reluctantly release her lips.
Their mouths parted with a faint sound. Roa’s eyes fluttered open, still trembling with disbelief. Yet, unlike before, she did not look away. Her expression even carried a trace of longing.
“I want to marry you soon.”
A kiss wasn’t enough. He wanted a home together. To share one bedroom, one bed, to love each other endlessly. To wash together, sleep together, wake together. He wanted her in every moment of his daily life.
“Me too.”
He had thought his love would remain one-sided forever. Hearing that she felt the same was so overwhelming it almost felt unreal.
“I’ll be at your knighting ceremony. I’ll accept your oath, Eizen.”
After affirming their feelings, they reluctantly parted and returned to their rooms.
Not long after he left, the Count and Countess Clarion returned from the capital.
Roa wanted to tell her parents about Eizen right away. But her family’s expressions were grim as they exchanged heavy words. There was no chance to interrupt.
After their serious talk, the Count and Countess retired to their chambers. Only then did Roa slip into the dining room.
“Roa.”
Facing her, Sheindric tried to smile, but bitterness lingered in his eyes.
“I don’t think you’ll be able to receive Sir Eizen’s oath.”
Just one week remained until the knighting ceremony at Luctia Castle. Yet before those few days could pass, an imperial state of emergency was declared.
Roa couldn’t fully grasp the issues of national security. The only news she was given was that soldiers below the rank of knight would soon be deployed.
They had parted lightly, thinking they would see each other soon, that they would finally have more time together.
But when she hurried back to her chamber, she immediately prepared a letter for him. She sent it off at dawn, but days passed with no reply. The date of the knighting ceremony approached, yet no word came. From the silence, it seemed even the ceremony had been canceled.
The situation did not end with a simple truce. The troops sent to the capital were eventually driven into the battlefield.
Unable to hear the truth directly, Roa grew more desperate. She lingered around, eavesdropping on servants who whispered about what they had overheard.
“I overheard while serving tea… they say the enemy camp demanded the deployment of Archduke Trone himself.”
“Even the Archduke? Heavens…”
“If such high-ranking officials are being summoned to the battlefield, this must be more than just a crisis.”
“I’m terrified our land might turn into a battlefield next.”
“Don’t say such unlucky things.”
Even fragments of truth were despairing. Roa, worried sick about his safety, wept into her pillow night after night. Her once-bright blue eyes slowly lost their light.
