Chapter 25
. What Do You Think of Me?
When Derwin declined her invitation to have dinner together, Lydia felt her heart pounding louder than it ever had before. The beats were so strong that she could feel them from the tips of her fingers to the tips of her toes.
“Ah…”
She felt as if tears might spill any second, but Lydia steadied herself. It was just that they couldn’t have dinner together. Maybe he simply preferred to skip dinner, or perhaps he already had other plans. There was no reason to be disappointed.
“If you have nothing more to say, I’ll take my leave.”
Leaving Lydia with trembling eyes behind, Derwin gave a polite bow and went into his office.
Inside, he quickly skimmed through the day’s reports on his desk. As usual, there was nothing out of the ordinary. Now, all he had to do was return to the Cartel mansion where Chanellica was waiting.
Click.
But when he stepped back out of the office, Princess Lydia was still standing there, unmoving.
“Sir Derwin.”
“Yes, Your Highness.”
What on earth was going on?
She looked unusually unstable, strange even. In all the years he’d guarded her, he had never seen her like this.
Did something happen today?
If anything had happened during the day he wasn’t on duty, there should have been something in the report he just read. Derwin’s brows furrowed slightly.
“Please give me a moment of your time.”
Without caring whether he agreed or not, Lydia stepped into the still-open office.
Something was definitely different from usual.
Derwin silently followed her inside. As soon as he entered, Lydia turned around—but after briefly meeting his eyes, she quickly lowered her gaze to the floor.
“…”
And for a while, she said nothing. Derwin simply waited patiently.
“Sir Derwin…”
Only after a long pause did Lydia finally open her mouth.
“…What do you think of me?”
Her voice trembled faintly. Her eyes stayed fixed on the floor. She knew she shouldn’t be doing this, but she couldn’t bring herself to look him in the eye.
She was afraid—afraid of his answer.
Perhaps because she was born a princess, Lydia had rarely experienced rejection. Aside from her family, most people had always accommodated the young princess’s thoughts and opinions.
That was why having her dinner invitation flatly refused today was such a shock. Still, she didn’t want to back down just like that. Normally, she might have waited for another chance, but now that her brother had begun pushing for her marriage, she didn’t have the luxury of time.
“I think of you as someone I must protect.”
Derwin’s answer came immediately. It was short and concise, but it made Lydia’s heart churn.
“Is… that all?”
“What more is needed beyond that?”
Was he putting up a wall? Or did he really not understand?
Lydia couldn’t hide her bitter disappointment. They had barely exchanged a few words, she hadn’t even conveyed her feelings yet, and already she was hurt—ever since the moment he refused dinner until now.
Even so, she couldn’t bring herself to give up her feelings.
I need to be a little braver. Even if Sir Derwin doesn’t like me now, it’s not like there’s no chance in the future.
“If I’m someone you must protect, then please grant me a personal request.”
In the end, Lydia decided to be a little shameless.
“Please speak.”
“My brother wants me to get married, but I don’t want to.”
“…”
“So… help me.”
“What can I do to help?”
“Well… that is… go out with—go out…”
Lydia, about to say go out with me, lifted her head and saw Derwin’s expression.
Thud.
Her heart sank. His eyes held not a shred of interest.
Ah… Was I hoping Sir Derwin might at least pity me?
A chill ran through Lydia’s body—not because of his reaction, but because she was disappointed in herself for expecting something else when she already knew his nature.
“Please speak, Your Highness.”
His voice was just as empty. No, if anything, it felt colder than before.
So when he said I was someone to protect, he only meant fulfilling his duty. Sir Derwin really has no feelings for me at all…
She had been about to ask him to pretend to be her lover, but now she couldn’t bring herself to say it. She was afraid he would reject even that. And even if he agreed, the idea of maintaining a mere façade, all while her feelings deepened and her heart broke further, terrified her.
“…Never mind. I’ll handle it myself.”
In the end, Lydia gave up—on confessing her feelings, and on asking him to pretend to date her.
“Oh, right. I bought this for you, Sir Derwin.”
Pathetically, tears welled in her eyes. Not wanting him to see, she lowered her head and held out the small box she had been carrying from the start.
“What is this?”
“You’ll see when you open it.”
“Why are you giving this to me?”
Even that simple question was hard for her to answer.
Indeed… Why did I want to give something like this to a man like you?
“Just take it. You’ve protected me for so long, and I feel like I’ve never done anything for you in return.”
Lydia forced a smile, but inside, a cold, cutting wind was leaving wounds all over her heart.
Weekend. Cartel Mansion.
Chanellica and Derwin were having lunch together. Normally, Derwin went out even on his days off, but today he seemed to have no plans, so Chanellica had suggested it.
“Hm.”
Her gaze lingered on Derwin as he ate. He had noticed for a while now that her eyes on him felt different from usual. Even with jam-covered bread in his mouth, the sweetness was completely lost on him under her persistent stare.
“Do you have something to say?”
Eventually, Derwin was the first to break, unable to ignore her gaze.
“Nope. Nothing.”
But she turned away as if nothing had happened and focused on her meal. Still, she kept stealing glances at him.
It was the same pattern since earlier, and Derwin wondered why.
“If you have something to say, please say it.”
“I told you, I don’t.”
“Then why do you keep looking at me?”
“Well… because you’re handsome?”
“That doesn’t look like the gaze of someone admiring a handsome face.”
Tch. Didn’t fall for it.
Chanellica grumbled inwardly. It was true—she wasn’t staring because he was handsome. She was curious about what he was thinking.
Why doesn’t he fall for Lydia? What’s the problem?
It was pure curiosity. Just yesterday, Chanellica had met a visibly downcast Lydia. Even though it wasn’t a lesson day, Lydia had come to the Kaissle Knights’ headquarters, not with Derwin but with Pirne.
Seemingly needing to get things off her chest, Lydia had told Chanellica about the past few days—how the king wanted to marry her to a foreign prince, how she’d tried to confess to Derwin but it hadn’t gone well.
Was it because she didn’t seduce him outright? If it were me, I’d have fallen for her. She’s of good status, beautiful, and kind… Or could it be that he’s just not interested in women?
All sorts of thoughts went through Chanellica’s mind. Lydia, near tears by the end, had looked so pitiful that Chanellica had wanted to hug her and comfort her.
And yet, apparently, Derwin hadn’t reacted the same way. Lydia hadn’t said exactly how she’d spoken to him, but Chanellica could easily picture it in her head.
And it wasn’t as if he was a cold-blooded man.
If he were, he wouldn’t have been so kind to her. In fact, Derwin seemed like the embodiment of warmth.
All these thoughts looping in her mind kept making her stare at him.
“I was just wondering what you were going to do this afternoon.”
That was the excuse she gave when asked why she was staring. In truth, she wanted to know if he really had no feelings for Lydia, and if not, why not. But no matter how many times she turned it over in her head, it didn’t seem like a question she could ask as someone engaged in a fake engagement with him for amusement’s sake.
“What about you, my lady?”
“Of course I’m going out. I still haven’t explored much of the human world. Before I came back here, I was always busy working, even on weekends.”
“Have you decided where to go?”
“Hmm. I was thinking of just taking a carriage to anywhere—somewhere I can get to and back from today.”
“If you ask Cuddles, he can tell you about some good places to visit.”
“So, what about you?”
Their eyes met. Resting her chin on her hands, Chanellica gave him a sweet, playful smile.
Derwin instantly understood what she was hoping for.
“…I don’t have any particular plans.”
His answer was reluctant, but she seized on it immediately.
“Perfect! Come with me. Please?”
“…”
“Anywhere you know is fine. I’d prefer somewhere popular rather than a quiet natural spot.”
Her mint-green eyes sparkled so brightly it was almost overwhelming.
If I say no, that sparkle will vanish.
For some reason, he didn’t want to see that happen. Somewhere along the line, he’d begun wishing Chanellica would always remain this radiant, smiling presence.
“Get ready after we finish eating. I’ll have the carriage prepared.”
Setting down his fork and knife, Derwin spoke softly.
