chapter 40
Of course, my illness isn’t contagious. And I’m not bedridden right now, either.
But it still felt like she was criticizing me for staying near the child and Haven without telling them about my condition.
It sounded as if she were accusing me of selfishness, and my chest tightened.
Because of that, the color drained from Roze’s face.
Just moments ago, her cheeks had been flushed red at the mention of going on a trip, but now all the blood had vanished from them.
The head maid, seeing Roze’s pale face, clicked her tongue.
“Judging by that complexion, it doesn’t seem like you’re just a little tired.”
“Ah, um, Head Maid…”
“As it happens, I have some medicine left that can bring down a fever. Come to my room and take it. And tomorrow morning, go to the medicinal storeroom. There should be an apothecary there, so describe your symptoms in detail.”
She cut Roze off mid-sentence and issued the words like an order.
Roze hesitated, then lowered her head.
“Th… thank you.”
“It’s something any sick servant is allowed to use, so there’s no need to thank me.”
The head maid brushed off Roze’s gratitude coldly and was about to turn away again—
when Roze, struck by a sudden thought, called out to her before she could leave.
“Um, Head Maid.”
“What? Do you have another question?”
One eyebrow arched as she asked.
But Roze, unable to continue, quickly shook her head.
“It’s nothing.”
“…”
The head maid’s eyes narrowed.
It was the natural reaction—calling someone only to say “nothing” was the kind of thing that could earn a scolding for being frivolous.
But she didn’t press Roze about what she’d wanted to say.
She only looked at her for a moment, then turned and left the room.
Clack.
At the sound of the door closing, Roze let out a small sigh.
She had nearly made a foolish mistake because of shallow thinking.
Lately, her health had worsened slightly, and she had almost asked whether she could get medicine for it.
That would have been a disaster.
If she did, the head maid would soon inform the butler, and her serious illness might be discovered.
If that happened, she would almost certainly be driven out of this place.
No. I still have to stay here.
Roze bit her lip and shook her head.
Getting medicine from inside the Grand Duke’s household was absolutely out of the question.
It would be better to arrange to get it from outside in advance.
But… will I even be allowed to go out?
She remembered the head maid’s words from shortly after she’d arrived:
Outings were only permitted once every two months.
As this worry crossed her mind and she frowned, she heard a yawn from behind her.
“…Huaaaahm.”
It was from Plita.
She had been so excited about the family trip, but now sleepiness had caught up to her.
Well, considering it was far past her usual bedtime, that was natural.
Roze set her worries aside for now, smiled, and turned around.
Plita was rubbing her eyes as if trying to resist sleep.
“It’s time for bed now, my lady.”
“Mm? No, I’m going to get ready for the trip.”
Plita shook her head, trying hard to keep her drowsy eyes open.
Roze chuckled quietly at the sight and walked closer to the bed.
“You can get ready starting tomorrow.”
“No, I have lots to pack! I have to bring my bunny doll, and… oh, both the yellow ribbon and the blue ribbon! And the blanket with the squirrel on it!”
“We can pack together tomorrow, my lady. For tonight, you should sleep.”
“Mm…”
Plita rolled her eyes around, delaying her answer.
Roze placed her hands on her knees, bent down slightly, and smiled.
“Do you really want to pack now?”
“Yes!”
“Then what should we do? Yaaawn… I’d love to pack with you, but… I keep feeling sleepy. It would be fun to do it together, but… too bad. I’m going to bed.”
Roze exaggerated a yawn on purpose.
Plita’s green eyes wavered.
“Roze… you’re sleepy?”
“Yes. I was a little tired today.”
Roze squinted and massaged her own shoulders.
Seeing that, Plita made an “ah!” face—remembering that Roze had a fever and wasn’t feeling well.
“Then you have to go to bed!”
“But my lady, you said you wanted to pack…”
“Tomorrow! I’ll sleep now and do it tomorrow!”
The child dropped the idea as quickly as she had clung to it.
She pulled the blanket over herself and lay down.
“I’m going to sleep. So Roze, you should go sleep too.”
“…Are you sure?”
“Mm! You have to sleep well to not be sick. So go to bed.”
Her pure, caring words made Roze smile without realizing it.
She sat down on the edge of the bed.
How sweet she was—willing to hold back from what she wanted to do just to be considerate.
Her mother couldn’t even be by her side… but how did my baby grow up so kind and lovely?
Roze gently stroked Plita’s hair.
Plita squeezed her eyes shut, but then half-opened them again, hesitating and moving her lips.
“What is it, my lady?”
“…Could you sing me a lullaby?”
She must have been embarrassed to ask, after telling Roze to hurry off to bed.
Roze smiled at the child’s flushed face.
“Of course.”
The little birds in the forest have folded their wings and returned to their nests.
The sun has quietly hidden behind the far-off mountains.
The fluffy white clouds have come down to rest in the meadow where the lambs play.
The baby looks up at the sky, held in her mother’s arms.
While the birds, the sun, and the clouds all go to sleep,
The moon and the stars have come to play in the baby’s dreams.
“Mmm…”
Roze sang softly, looking down.
Plita had already drifted off, breathing evenly, a smile curling her lips—
perhaps already traveling in her dreams.
“…Sleep well, my darling.”
Roze gently caressed her pale cheek and whispered so softly that no one else could hear.
The fluffy white clouds have come down to rest in the meadow where the lambs play.
The baby looks up at the sky, held in her mother’s arms…
The voice singing the lullaby was pleasant to listen to.
Not too high, not too low—just enough to soothe the listener’s heart.
Perhaps that was why…
Haven, leaning against the door, found himself closing his eyes as he listened.
The lips that were usually set in a firm line softened without him realizing it.
The moon and the stars have come to play in the baby’s dreams.
At that moment, the woman’s voice stopped.
Plita must have fallen asleep.
Haven opened his eyes a beat later.
It felt as if he’d just awoken from a deep, peaceful sleep—
like waking in warm morning sunlight to find someone dear always by his side…
That thought was broken off by the sound of footsteps approaching from beyond the door.
Haven quickly stepped back several paces.
The door opened, and Roze came out.
She tiptoed carefully so as not to wake the child,
but then saw the shoes before her and lifted her gaze.
“Y-Your Grace…”
She was startled and almost called out to him,
but remembering the sleeping child, she quickly covered her mouth.
Haven nodded slightly.
She shut the door quietly behind her and bowed.
“Is Plita asleep?”
“Yes, Your Grace.”
“Does she usually sleep at this hour? For a child, it’s rather late.”
He frowned faintly toward the bedroom, displeased at the idea of the child staying up late.
Roze smiled unconsciously.
Every time she saw through his seemingly indifferent exterior, she felt relieved—
reassured that, despite losing his memories of her,
he was still the man she had known.
“Roze?”
Because of that thought, she didn’t answer immediately.
Catching the look in his blue eyes, she cut her smile short and replied quickly.
“Ah—no, normally she goes to bed much earlier. But today…”
“…?”
“Today she was excited about the trip.”
Roze did not mention that Plita had snuck out of bed just to see her.
Instead, she spoke of Haven’s decision to take the girl along on his inspection.
“Trip?”
“I heard you’re taking the young lady with you on your inspection.”
“Ah… I see. The head maid must have told her.”
Haven nodded.
Roze smiled softly and added:
“She was truly delighted to hear it.”
“Plita was?”
“Yes. She said it would be her first family trip…”
At that, Haven’s expression grew complicated—
a mixture of embarrassment, pity, and perhaps guilt.
Roze understood all of it.
The shame of never once taking his child on a trip,
the sorrow for the child, and the guilt mingled together.
It’s all right, Haven. You can be a good father from now on.
Give her all the love I couldn’t.
Make sure she never feels the emptiness of her mother’s absence.
You can do that.
She sent him the silent wish.
She knew he would do well, even without her saying it aloud.
“…I see.”
Haven spoke after a pause—
almost as if in answer to the unspoken wish she had sent him.
Of course, she knew it wasn’t a direct reply,
but even so, the timing made her chest tighten warmly.
Moonlight streamed through the corridor window,
falling gently on their heads.
