Chapter 51
“I wish you’d just told me. That you loved me.”
Maybe… you did love me.
He would’ve had to return to the Empire eventually because of work anyway. And if it were him, surely he would have wanted to see Yulia again. If that were the case, maybe this marriage could have been out of love for her. Perhaps he would have tried to wash away the weariness of the past years in Yulia’s embrace, as she listened with tears in her eyes to him say, “These past few years have been so hard because of this and that…”
“I was angry. At all the years I lived not knowing anything. Thinking that maybe you could smile like that because of your ignorance. But when I tried to think of you as just someone who happened to bear the name ‘Ruper,’ as someone who wasn’t to blame… I just couldn’t.”
But what was the point of all those “what ifs”… Cayente had thought about those possibilities at least once. He had just pushed them aside, knowing they were meaningless.
Maria couldn’t hide her pained expression at Cayente’s bitter voice.
“Then you should’ve just left her alone. Why keep her by your side? With feelings like that, you won’t treat her well, and Yulia will be sad… and you know full well you’ll suffer with her.”
“No, Mother. I won’t suffer. I’m not a child anymore, and just because Yulia is sad, why would I be? The one who should be suffering is that man. He has to suffer.”
“Kai…”
“I know what you’re trying to say, but I’m not going to change my mind. So… just pretend it’s a marriage of love at first sight, and let me deceive you.”
Cayente smiled, but there was no joy in it like before. Maria couldn’t say another word in front of that lonely smile. All she could do was pray again and again that her son, who had lost his peace because of cruel people, would one day find rest in Yulia’s embrace.
Cayente’s original plan had been to arrive at the island early and leave before it got too late. But that fell apart when Yulia developed a fever and fell ill the night before.
“She’s in the next room. Still, it wouldn’t be proper to have an unmarried couple sleep in the same room, would it?”
But Maria, assuming he’d stay the night, had already prepared a guest bedroom. When Yulia saw the bedroom prepared in one wing of the house, her face brightened. She must have thought that since her mother had gone through the trouble, Cayente wouldn’t insist on sharing a room.
“I even prepared new bedding just for you two, and you were planning to leave after one night? I’m disappointed, son.”
“Brother has a lot of work. And the wedding is coming up soon… But in the end, he’s staying, so please don’t be too upset.”
Smiling, Yulia offered an excuse on Cayente’s behalf, giving him a look to go along with the story. She didn’t seem to think that if he wanted to, Cayente could sneak into her room at night, even if they had separate ones.
Maria, unaware of the full situation, simply smiled at Yulia, assuming her happiness came from liking the bedding, and said good night.
“Get some sleep. You should visit the lighthouse before you leave.”
“The lighthouse?”
“There’s a famous one on the west side of the island. It has a tall, vertical window running from top to bottom, all decorated with stained glass. Before I came to live here, people used to visit just to see it.”
“Wow! It must be really beautiful if people came all the way here just for that!”
Cayente didn’t like how excited Yulia was, but he let it slide. She deserved at least a moment to smile in front of someone who loved her, so she could get through what was ahead. Besides, their mother was already full of worry—he didn’t want to add more.
Thanks to that small kindness, Yulia slept surprisingly well for being in an unfamiliar place. The bed was more comfortable than expected, but more than that, Maria’s presence was what comforted her. Just having her mother nearby made her feel safe, like a child who can sleep soundly anywhere with Mom around. She slept deeply, without waking once.
“You’re up, Miss? You’re going to see the lighthouse today, right?”
When Lucy burst into the room after a knock, Yulia realized too late that she hadn’t locked the door. Even if they had separate rooms, Cayente could have come in if he wanted.
The thought sent a chill down her spine. But surely, not with Maria in the house… Anyway, the night passed safely.
Yulia smiled brightly at Lucy, excited about visiting the lighthouse.
“Yes! I heard it’s so pretty that people even come to the island just to see it. Lady Maria insisted I go.”
“That makes sense. Lady Maria got up early and even made sandwiches herself. She even invited a portrait artist. The fields near there must be beautiful.”
“Really? Can a portrait be done in one day?”
“The artist is known for sketching quickly. Once he has the outline, he can finish the rest without even seeing you again. He must be really smart.”
“I see.”
“But first, you need comfortable clothes for walking, right? Please wait a moment, I’ll bring them.”
“Okay.”
While Lucy went to fetch a dress, Yulia opened the window wide to let in the fresh morning air. The island supposedly had stable temperatures year-round, but unlike the continent where the mornings were already hot, the breeze coming in was refreshingly cool. Yulia, in her thin nightgown, hugged her arms and shivered.
“It feels colder than yesterday. If it stays like this all day, I’ll need a coat, Lucy.”
She spoke at the sound of the door opening but got no reply. When she turned around, expecting Lucy, it was Cayente standing in a robe.
“W-what is it?”
She stiffened with alarm. He hadn’t come just to say good morning. Cayente let out a small sigh and spoke.
“Can you stop doing that?”
“Stop what?”
“Tensing up the moment we’re alone. Even when I don’t mean anything, it makes me want to mess with you.”
That’s because you always do mess with me, Yulia wanted to snap. But she swallowed the words, fearing that saying it out loud would just provoke him to do exactly that before Lucy returned.
“I just came to say you should go to the lighthouse with Mother—without me.”
“You’re not coming?”
“I have some documents I need to look at in the basement. You two go.”
“What documents? Can’t you ask Henry to help?”
Yulia actually preferred going without Cayente, but Maria had woken up early to prepare sandwiches—and even invited an artist to draw their portraits. It was obvious Maria would be disappointed if Cayente refused to come.
“If it’s not urgent, you should come. You came all the way here to see it, right? And you never know when you’ll be able to come again. Is it really something that can’t wait?”
As Yulia repeated her request, Cayente tilted his head curiously and looked at her.
“I thought you’d be happy if I said I wasn’t going?”
“Lady Maria made those sandwiches herself and even called a painter. She must be looking forward to it.”
“So you’re doing this not for yourself, but because you think Mother would be disappointed?”
He asked what seemed obvious. The way he looked at her, it was almost like he wanted her to say she wanted to go with him. Yulia widened her eyes and replied as if the idea was absurd.
“Of course. Who… who would want to hang out with someone who doesn’t even like them?”
“As I said before, I don’t hate you.”
“Then you wish misfortune on someone you don’t even hate?”
At that, Cayente walked toward Yulia, who was standing by the window. She had felt safe with him by the door, thinking he wouldn’t enter—but now she was backed up against the window, with no escape.
Without hesitation, he pulled her into his arms, wrapping his arms around her waist. Yulia turned her head away as much as she could.
“I like this part.”
“What part…?”
Meeting her eyes for a moment, Cayente let out a quiet chuckle.
“How you freeze up every time we’re alone. It makes me want to tease you more.”
His hand slowly slid down from her cheek to her chin, to her neck, and toward her chest. Yulia instinctively bit her lip to keep from making a sound.
“You get all flustered from even the smallest touch… Makes me wonder how you’ll react when we actually spend a night together.”
She always told herself she wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of reacting. That she’d act completely indifferent and ruin his fun. But it wasn’t easy. His body was large and firm—impossible not to notice. And even though he was teasing, his breath grew heavier too.
