Chapter 42
Joshua and Benjamin parted ways at Forn Castle, and as Sophia entered Rosent Castle alone, she saw Lucion standing there holding his luggage.
“Did you have a good trip?”
Ignoring his greeting, Sophia tilted her head as she looked down at his bags.
“You’re leaving today? I thought you said you’d go tomorrow morning.”
“They told me to come back as early as possible… haha.”
Lucion chuckled awkwardly as he scratched his cheek. It seemed his superior was rather strict with subordinates.
“I thought I should say goodbye to you before I leave, so I waited.”
Since his plans had suddenly changed, he lightly set down his bag and bowed his head in farewell.
“Why are you bowing like that?”
“There’s so much I need to apologize for.”
Things regarding the servants, the commotion that happened because of him, Salia, hiding the fact that he was a mage while staying by her side—there were many things to list.
After laying it all out, Lucion added one last thing that Sophia hadn’t known.
“The only reason I was by your side was to protect you—because of someone’s orders.”
He raised his head, and his sincere blue eyes met hers. His dark blue hair, reminiscent of the night sky, swayed slightly.
The note he had received before arriving at the castle. It had contained just one sentence: Protect Sophia Bennie.
So he had used Rorel to get close to her and stayed by her side. Everything had started out not of his own will, but because that mysterious ‘someone’ had wanted it.
“But like I told you before, I was always sincere.”
His feelings, his words, his actions for her—they had all come from the heart, regardless of the orders.
Even if it had begun with a command, ever since meeting her, everything afterward had been by his own choice and will.
Lucion knelt down on one knee and met Sophia’s gaze as he gently lifted her left hand and pressed his forehead to the back of it.
“You know my name, so you can call for me anytime.”
It was as if he was waiting for her to say it now. As silence fell, Sophia slowly spoke his name.
“…Sion.”
“Yes. Just like that.”
Lucion lifted his forehead and looked at her with a warm expression.
“I’ll always answer your call, so if you ever want my tea again, just say my name.”
“…Didn’t you say you were told not to act on your own?”
“I did… but I just couldn’t help it.”
He wrinkled his freckled nose and gave her a clear, bright smile.
“You’re still my lady, after all. Doing things for you feels right.”
He slowly let go of her hand, stood up, and bowed once more.
“Well then, I’ll be off now.”
“…Okay.”
“You can call me anytime! Promise?”
“I promise.”
As Lucion left, still smiling brightly, Sophia waved until his figure disappeared before slowly lowering her hand.
It wasn’t so hard to part with someone you knew you could always see again. Even if they left her side, it didn’t hurt.
Could I let Ruen go like that too?
Could I turn away from your death as if it meant nothing to me?
As time passed and the moment of Ruen’s disappearance drew nearer, such questions suddenly arose.
“I think…”
I’d probably run again, just to stop it.
The day before her birthday—when time had rewound, she had told herself she would give up everything. That she wouldn’t cling to changing fate anymore.
But the moment she thought Ruen might be in danger—what had she done?
She ran straight to the garden, without a second thought. Instinctively.
How could someone like that just sit still, knowing when he’d disappear?
…She couldn’t.
Before bed, she stepped out for a walk. Though she’d walked all day, her feet naturally led her to the garden.
She had been thinking about Ruen.
One step at a time.
As she walked under the night air and sat on a bench, she whispered his name softly while tapping the ground with her shoe tip.
“Ruen…”
Right then, a voice came from beside her.
“My lady?”
Startled by the voice she didn’t expect, Sophia quickly turned her head. Ruen was slowly approaching.
“Ruen…?”
“Yes, it’s me.”
“Why are you here?”
“I was just finishing up some cleaning. But then I saw you, so after wrapping up… I came.”
Ruen smiled warmly, seeming genuinely happy to see her. But only for a moment—he quickly wiped the smile from his face, worried he had interrupted something.
“Ah, if you wanted to be alone…”
“It’s fine. Stay here.”
Sophia patted the seat next to her on the bench. Understanding what she meant, Ruen sat down beside her.
Sophia quietly stared at the sky with Ruen by her side. It was a comfortable silence, even without words.
As she breathed evenly, counting the stars one by one, Ruen spoke up carefully.
“…I’m sorry I couldn’t be by your side.”
“You’re right here now.”
“No, I mean when you collapsed.”
She hadn’t expected him to bring that up.
“I know it’s not my place to ask, but… if you’re ever having a hard time, you can always lean on me.”
It seemed he knew she had collapsed, but not why.
Listening quietly, Sophia leaned slightly and rested her head on Ruen’s shoulder.
He flinched slightly, startled, but didn’t pull away or show discomfort.
“They say stroking someone’s hair helps them relax.”
“Okay.”
“…Are you sure?”
“It’s fine.”
With her permission, Ruen gently moved his arm and began stroking her hair as softly as possible.
His familiar warmth touched and left her, ran through her hair and returned to her crown.
With his comforting gesture, Sophia closed her eyes.
She was exhausted. Finally, the fatigue came rushing in.
If you disappear, moments like this will vanish too, won’t they?
As she rested on his shoulder, Sophia slowly spoke.
“Ruen… if someone precious to you were about to die, could you just watch it happen?”
Because that’s what she had to do.
Could she really let Ruen go, knowing he would disappear? Could she watch it like water flowing away?
“…If something like that ever happened to me, I’d do whatever it took to save you, my lady.”
“…Even if you failed over and over again?”
“Yes. Because no matter what I do, giving up is worse than despair.”
That one line made something appear—hope, a word she thought she’d lost. As if he had given her an eternal light when she was drowning in a future full of despair.
Ruen truly was incomparable to anyone else. Without this light, she would have long been lost in darkness.
Grateful for the words that so quickly cleared her heavy thoughts, she continued, pretending it was nothing.
“Still, you slipped that ‘precious person’ in there pretty naturally.”
“A-ah, th-that was…!”
Hearing his stammering voice, flustered and unsure what to say, she let out a soft laugh.
She was grateful that he was beside her now. The only one who never lied, who was always sincere, who looked at her without pretense.
Without him, she would’ve crumbled like a sandcastle before the waves.
“Thank you.”
She whispered quietly and closed her eyes again.
Once, she had reflected on herself after Ruen disappeared. She had wandered. She had become a person full of bitterness.
Not once, after he vanished, had she had a single positive thought. She had lost, and lost again. Betrayed by hope, learning even her own death couldn’t be escaped.
She was completely broken. Too tired to rebuild. No will left to try.
So she had accepted death, given in to the darkness, and made peace with reality by focusing on what she could do in her remaining time.
That had been her plan for this life.
‘If something like that ever happened to me, I’d do whatever it took to save you, my lady.’
‘No matter what I do, giving up is worse than despair.’
But Ruen had said those words. He had cleaned out the ashes in her nearly extinguished furnace and thrown in dry wood.
Words powerful enough to ignite a flame.
Still leaning against Ruen’s shoulder, Sophia clenched her small fist tightly. A gesture of resolve.
This time… I’ll save you.
Just like you’ve always been my anchor.
Even the future she had once given up on—her own death too—she would try to change it all.
It was the same vow she had once made in another life, but this time, it was a vow she carved quietly into her heart with the certainty of a different outcome.
