~Chapter 74~
Johann stood in front of the dining room, unable to go in.
“…It’s not like this is my first dinner with her, so why am I so nervous?”
He held the doorknob and rested his forehead against the door.
Damn, now that I’ve admitted it to myself, it’s even harder.
“I miss her but I’m also scared to see her… What a mess of emotions.”
His heart was pounding so loudly he was afraid others might hear it.
What if my face turns red again like earlier? What if I act like I’m falling in love for the first time?
Well… since he lost his memory, technically, it is his first time falling in love.
“Ahem. Your Grace, are you not going in?”
Samuel couldn’t help but speak up after watching Johann stand there for ten minutes.
“…Do I look weird right now?”
Johann turned around, dressed more formally than usual.
“You look as great as always, sir.”
“So, no different than usual?”
He frowned.
Earlier, when he was about to go meet Leah after the princess left, he found out Leah was with Raphaella, so he went back to his room to change.
But no matter what he put on, nothing felt right.
He ended up wasting time in front of the mirror and barely came down in time for dinner—well, almost in time.
“You look way better than usual, actually.”
Samuel, sensing his master’s mood, gave the answer Johann clearly wanted.
“You’re not lying, right?”
“Not even a little. Truly.”
Johann looked himself up and down, took a deep breath, and finally opened the dining room door.
Samuel smiled to himself.
“So he’s finally admitted his feelings for Lady Leah…”
—
“Leah,”
Johann called her name with courage.
“Daddy!”
Right then, Raphaella came running toward him.
It seemed Leah didn’t hear him call her name.
“Le—”
He tried again, but—
“Um, did Her Highness the Princess leave safely?”
Leah asked as she approached him.
“…Yeah, she’s gone. Don’t worry about her.”
It didn’t feel like the right time to call her name.
“I’ll wait till we’re alone.”
As his heart raced, he looked into her eyes.
Her emerald eyes were filled with worry.
“I’m sorry… If I had just taken the carriage from the beginning, none of this would’ve happened.”
“No need to apologize. If you had gone alone first… things might’ve turned out worse.”
She could’ve faced the princess alone, unprepared.
“Knowing Patrizia, she might’ve hurt Leah somehow…”
Just imagining it gave him chills.
If he could break off the engagement, the princess wouldn’t be able to come and go as she pleased.
But until then, she kept popping up with excuses, and it drove him mad.
“I think it was harder on you than me.”
“You couldn’t have helped it. It’s not like you’re just any noble—you’re a duke.”
Leah gently tried to comfort him.
“You’re really such a kind woman…”
Even though he lost his memory and treated her badly, she still spoke to him so warmly.
Or… was it because she didn’t feel anything for him at all and just saw him as a stranger?
“That’s even worse than if she hated me…”
“Daddy, your face looks super weird right now.”
Raphaella stopped cutting her steak to comment.
“…I was just thinking about something, sorry.”
Johann wiped the sauce from her mouth and shook off his thoughts.
“What kind of thought makes you look like that?”
Raphaella scrunched her face, trying to mimic his expression.
Now Leah looked at him curiously too.
“…”
How am I supposed to say, “I was wondering if your mom hates me or not?”
“Huh?”
Raphaella kept asking, so Johann looked flustered.
“Rafi, I think whatever Daddy was thinking about is a bit embarrassing to say. Should we just pretend we didn’t notice?”
Leah giggled softly and tried to stop her daughter from pushing further.
“But I’m curious…”
Raphaella went back to her steak, grumbling.
Johann let out a breath of relief and whispered, “Thanks,” to Leah, calming his pounding heart once more.
—
One week later.
An imperial servant visited the Blumhardt estate.
He came to deliver an invitation—Johann, as Patrizia’s fiancé, was being invited to a royal family dinner.
The invitation was printed on fancy paper with gold trim.
Johann sighed deeply.
“I want to break off this engagement, but now I have to show up at some royal family dinner too?”
He was annoyed.
He hadn’t found a way to cancel the engagement yet.
“Haa…”
He hadn’t even managed to properly call Leah’s name all week because of how busy he’d been.
As he sat there staring at the invitation, his mother came in.
“I heard the emperor sent you an invitation?”
“Yes, Mother.”
They both sat on the couch.
“Is that why you came?”
“No, I had something to ask you.”
“Go ahead.”
“…Are you really planning to marry the princess?”
Johann blinked as his mother sipped tea.
“No. If I had a way out of it, I’d avoid it at all costs.”
“I thought so.”
She looked relieved.
“It’s not like I agreed to it in the first place.”
“Right. The emperor summoned you to the palace and suddenly declared your engagement in front of all those nobles as if it were some kind of reward.”
She frowned, remembering the event.
“…Saying it was a ‘gift’ to arrange your marriage to the princess. What kind of reward is that?”
She angrily put down her teacup with a clink.
“There’s no doubt the empress was behind it. She had all those nobles there so you couldn’t say no.”
She looked furious even thinking about it.
“But why ask me this now, Mother?”
“I’m worried this royal dinner might be where they try to push the marriage again.”
“That’s highly likely.”
“Sigh… I really don’t want Princess Patrizia to join our family.”
The idea of such a reckless, spoiled girl coming into their household made both of them sigh.
“But really, Johann,”
It seemed like that wasn’t the main reason his mother came.
“I know your opinion matters most but…”
She hesitated a bit.
“…If the engagement is broken, what do you think about being with Leah?”
Did she read my mind?
He was shocked to hear exactly what he’d been secretly thinking for days.
“A marriage between a high noble and a commoner isn’t ideal, but it’s not unheard of in history.”
“…That’s true.”
“If we can persuade the emperor, who knows?”
She leaned her chin on her hand, thinking.
It wouldn’t be too hard to sway a wishy-washy emperor like him.
“Of course, what matters most is how you and Leah feel.”
“…As for me…”
“From what I’ve seen lately, it seems like you’ve grown feelings for her.”
“…How did you know?”
Johann looked stunned.
“You can’t hide love, son—just like sneezing.”
She giggled behind her hand.
“No matter how hard you tried to hide it, your behavior around Leah was so obvious.”
She even wiped a tear from laughing so hard.
“Why didn’t you say anything?”
“Because love is something you have to realize on your own.”
That was true.
“…Was it really that obvious?”
“Oh, totally. If it wasn’t, would it even be love?”
He felt a little embarrassed.
“Even at Raphaella’s birthday party, you acted all stiff when Leah was around.”
“…You saw that too, huh.”
Back then, he’d been overwhelmed just by her smile. Now, his heart would nearly explode just seeing her.
“When did you realize your feelings?”
“Not that long ago.”
“I see. Well, as your mother, it’s so nice to see you in love.”
Johann awkwardly chugged his tea.
“If you were still twenty, I bet you’d be even worse.”
She chuckled.
“With all that youthful energy and no memories to hold you back, you’d have followed your heart even more.”
Probably true.
He was curious…
How did his younger self fall in love with Leah, and when did he realize it?
“Assuming the engagement is broken… the next important thing is Leah’s feelings.”
“…She probably hates me, right?”
He rubbed his face with his hands.
“I can’t say for sure. But just remember this.”
She raised her index finger.
“You’ll have to work a lot harder than the old you ever did.”
“Yes, Mother.”
Because Leah is standing before him now…
Was a woman with a heart full of scars—and walls built high around it.
