Chapter 30
“And just like many wives who lose affection from their husbands, my mother slowly withered away, alone in this huge mansion.”
Eden stopped speaking for a moment.
I couldn’t say anything. No matter what I said, it wouldn’t bring comfort. And since I didn’t know the full story, my sympathy might even seem insulting.
A quiet silence filled the room. Only the occasional rattle of the window from the wind broke the stillness. After a while, Eden spoke again.
“That room belongs to my mother. Whenever I visited her with the nanny, she would smile and talk about her dreams.”
Then, he looked at me with the same angelic smile I had seen before.
“It would have been better if you hadn’t existed.”
“……”
My heart dropped. I unknowingly clutched the hem of my skirt.
Maybe he saw the emotion in my eyes, because he spoke in a lighter tone.
“That’s the end of the story. Her condition got worse, and eventually, my father sent her to a hospital.”
“……”
“There were many people who tried to take advantage of a lonely, unloved child.”
Using someone’s weakness is the best weapon, after all.
Eden finished speaking with a bitter smile.
I could finally understand the anger and betrayal in his eyes.
“And yet, I’m one of the most positive people you’ll ever meet. If I wasn’t, I wouldn’t have survived this long.”
And that strange comment from earlier now made more sense.
That room, his parents, his life—had been slowly killing him day by day.
“…That’s why I misunderstood you. I was afraid you thought the same as those people. In the end, it was my foolishness.”
When I still didn’t say anything, he spoke again in a joking tone, as if to lighten the mood.
“So, what I mean is…”
Just as he was struggling to find the right words, Eden suddenly froze.
He lifted his gaze and looked down at our hands—mine resting gently on the back of his.
Then he looked at me.
With a soft smile, he said, “I didn’t say all this to make you feel sorry for me… But I must look pretty pitiful.”
He frowned slightly, as if disappointed by my reaction.
But I didn’t deny it, or take my hand away.
I didn’t know why I was doing this.
Maybe because as he spoke about his past, he looked so lonely. I couldn’t look away or move my hand.
Seeing me stay still, Eden let out a dry laugh.
“I hate that look the most. The one that says, ‘I understand everything.’ But when I show even a little of my real self, they say I’m a monster who ruined his mother’s life. In the end, they only pity her.”
“……”
“You probably think the same. A woman who had it all and then lost everything—it’s natural to feel sorry for her, right?”
He asked as if daring me to agree.
I looked into his eyes and answered softly.
“Yes.”
“……”
He smirked, as if he expected that answer.
“But that doesn’t mean everything was your fault.”
At my next words, his smile vanished.
He stared at me in disbelief.
Yes, I did feel sorry for Agnès—as a fellow human and as a woman.
She lost her dreams, her home, and even her reputation. It must have been heartbreaking.
But she had blamed Eden for it all. She spent her life denying him, maybe because that was the only way she could survive.
In the end, she became the perfect victim, and Eden the eternal villain. That was too heavy a burden for a child.
“The adults were wrong to expect a child to be perfect after blaming him for everything.”
“……”
“So don’t blame yourself for all of it.”
He didn’t say anything for a moment. But I could see the cautious look in his eyes slowly fade.
The wind tapped on the window. A lantern nearby swayed with the breeze, and the flickering light reflected in his eyes like small flames.
Then, he spoke quietly.
“…Are you trying to comfort me?”
His voice had lost its anger. There was weariness and old resignation, but also a flicker of emotion.
Without thinking, I reached out and gently cupped his cheek.
“You said it yourself. Just because someone gives birth to you doesn’t make them a parent.”
“……”
“So we agree on that.”
Repeating his own words back to him made Eden smile softly.
Not the bitter smile from before, but a light, genuine one.
“We think alike…” he murmured, looking down.
“I used to think words like this were pointless. Just empty noise.”
Then he closed his eyes and leaned into my hand.
“…But somehow, they really do bring comfort. Maybe because it’s you saying them.”
His deep voice vibrated against my palm. I could feel his breathing through my hand, calm and steady. Like he had finally found a bit of peace.
After resting his face in my hand for a while, he said in a low voice,
“As you know, I’m not good at apologizing. I got that from my father—one of his worst traits.”
“……”
“But I’m not so foolish that I ignore my mistakes.”
He opened his eyes and looked at me.
“I’m sorry, Godell. I misunderstood you that day. It was my fault.”
It was a sincere apology—simple and honest, with no excuses.
I was a little surprised. I could tell how long he had held those words in.
But I wasn’t completely blameless either. If I hadn’t entered that room, even by accident, he wouldn’t have had to remember such painful things.
“…It’s okay. I made a mistake too.”
I tried to sound casual. Being formally apologized to like this felt a little awkward.
Eden seemed to notice and smiled.
“So… will you continue with the contract?”
He was already teasing again. I could tell he noticed I was embarrassed.
Trying to act stern, I replied, “Only if you apologize properly.”
“I thought I just did.”
Where? I raised an eyebrow at his shameless answer.
Eden leaned into my hand again and said in a pitiful voice,
“Please feel sorry for me.”
“I thought you hated pity?”
“Just this once… I really need it.”
His words were muffled, his lips pressed against my palm.
His childish tone made me laugh a little. Eden followed with a quiet laugh of his own.
He sighed lightly and mumbled, “I don’t think I could survive another argument like that.”
“You say that like it was really hard on you.”
“You read me perfectly. These past few days felt like hell….”
He suddenly took a slow breath. I noticed the tired look in his blue eyes, the way his lashes drooped.
“Did you not sleep?”
“I didn’t sleep because I didn’t want to.”
“Why not?”
“Maybe… because even in dreams, there’s nowhere to run.”
He gave a faint smile, but it felt like there was pain behind those words.
Then, he lifted his head and stood up.
“I’ve taken enough of your time. You should get some sleep.”
He sounded apologetic, like he felt bad for bothering me.
“What about you? Aren’t you tired?”
“I’ll just stay awake. I’m not a good sleeper anyway. It’s better than building up more exhaustion.”
“Then you should definitely lie down. Why are you leaving…?”
I stopped mid-sentence.
I had thought he was avoiding me—that he would leave after I fell asleep to avoid facing me.
But now I realized… his side of the bed was always untouched. He never even came to bed.
“…Was it because of me?”
He opened his mouth to answer but closed it again, looking caught.
Then he sighed and admitted,
“Even if I’m mentally ready, sleeping next to a stranger would still be uncomfortable. Especially for someone with insomnia like me. It wouldn’t be fair to you.”
He frowned slightly and added,
“I didn’t want to be a creep watching you sleep.”
“…Then where have you been sleeping?”
“There are plenty of spots to rest. The long couch in the library is pretty comfortable. It’s quiet, too.”
So he had been sleeping in the library this whole time—to avoid making me uncomfortable.
I hadn’t realized. He was also playing his role in this fake marriage, just like I was.
And yet, I had assumed he was avoiding me. I felt guilty and bit my lip.
“…This is why I didn’t want to tell you. I knew you’d feel bad.”
“You can’t keep sleeping in the library every night.”
“So are you saying it’s okay for me to sleep beside you?”
His question made me freeze.
Yes, I was worried about him. But to be completely honest, I wasn’t entirely comfortable with the idea.
We were married on paper, but we weren’t truly husband and wife. It was still awkward to think about sleeping next to him.
