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Theo and Balein stood, shocked, watching Delsia walk toward the annex. The news that she didn’t want to marry had hit them especially hard.
Why would Delsia, who had always been inseparable from Edwin, say such a thing…? Theo’s face fell as if he had been personally wronged.
“W-what do we do now, Balein?”
“…….”
“Say something. Do you think she’s really made up her mind? Don’t you think so too?”
“More than that… she looks far too thin.”
“What?”
Balein recalled the moment he had instinctively steadied Delsia when she had stumbled. Her shoulder had felt so delicate in his hand.
He had even been so taken aback that he forgot to apologize for touching her shoulder, staring blankly at his own palm afterward. He had been too stunned to pay attention even when Theo muttered criticisms under his breath.
“This is… strange.”
“What is?”
“Has she always been this thin?”
“The lord used to worry about that even before he lost his memories.”
“…Really?”
For the first time since Delsia entered the annex, Balein’s gaze shifted. Yet the questions swirling in his mind remained unresolved.
Returning to the main building with Balein, Theo headed to the study. He had expected Edwin to be busy wrestling with paperwork—but the sight that met him left him speechless.
Edwin, of all people, was dozing with his chin resting on the desk. Theo was so flustered by this rare sight that he insisted on recording it with the viewing stone—but Balein’s scolding quickly brought him back to his senses. Shaking his head twice, Theo quietly approached Edwin and whispered:
“My lord.”
“…….”
“My lord.”
“…….”
No matter how softly Theo spoke, Edwin didn’t respond. He showed no sign of waking. With a deep sigh, Theo lightly tapped the desk with the back of his hand.
The vibration made Edwin frown, and his eyelids slowly lifted. Blinking as he stared straight ahead, he mumbled, still half-asleep:
“…Who is it?”
“Huh?”
He vaguely recalled the dream from the previous night—a strangely sad and unsettling nightmare. Even napping on the desk like this, he couldn’t escape the woman from his dream.
She always appeared with a hazy face, sometimes smiling, sometimes crying, sometimes blaming him. What had he done? What wounds had he caused her?
After such nightmares, he never woke refreshed. Instead, he felt a heavy, throbbing headache. Edwin shook his head, trying to shake off the lingering dream, and looked at Theo.
“Theo… why are you just standing there?”
Annoyed, Edwin picked up the quill rolling on the desk.
“If you’re tired, you should rest…”
“I’m fine. Too much work piled up.”
With that, Edwin closed his mouth and refused to answer anything Theo asked. Once Theo left the study, Edwin set down the quill, washed his face, and let out a sigh.
If only he could dream a little longer, he felt he might finally understand who the woman in his dreams was—but he couldn’t. Her fleeting face lingered like a stubborn afterimage, spinning through his mind, increasing his irritation.
Back in her bedroom, Delsia lay on the bed, recalling what had happened before she went out to the garden.
Edwin had come to the annex, attempting to open the door to her room. Delsia and Edwin had been separated by just that one door.
Had it opened, she would have seen him—but also received his unfamiliar gaze.
That notoriously cold stare… Delsia would have been hurt seeing eyes she had never encountered before. Still, she couldn’t avoid Edwin’s gaze. She was too weak for him. Even if she didn’t notice, she couldn’t pretend not to see.
“Ella.”
“Yes, Miss.”
“Do you think Edwin will… regain his memory?”
“…Yes. I’m sure he will.”
If Edwin remembered, would she be able to close her eyes in peace?
Part of her secretly wished he wouldn’t remember. She didn’t want to see Edwin mourning her death. She feared he might collapse under the weight of resentment, though she knew his resolve was far stronger than hers.
“Miss?”
“Yes, Ella.”
“It’s late. Go rest now.”
“I’ll just write in my diary first.”
Sitting at her desk, Delsia opened her diary. She picked up the quill she had once shared with Edwin, a memory of their time together. Now it was a memory only she could hold, yet she couldn’t let it go.
She felt almost childish, as if trying to catch sunlight slipping through her fingers.
Her hand shook as she gripped the slightly heavy quill, yet she pressed the pen firmly to paper:
[Today was a day I felt sorry for my father and brother. And also for Ella.
I know it’s selfish, but I couldn’t let go of Edwin. Every trace of what we shared is still vivid.
Looking back, my life has been all about Edwin. I couldn’t even imagine a life without him.
If I told my father this, he’d probably be disappointed. ‘Oh, Delsi! Can’t you see your own father?’ he’d scold while holding his head. I miss my father and brother so much, even though I’ve been away from home.
I feel especially guilty toward my brother. Every time he sees me, he chokes back tears—it’s not like him. He used to be so dependable, but now he’s clumsy in adulthood.
I hope my family can manage without me. I feel so heavy-hearted, like all I do is cause them pain.
Still, it’s better than showing weakness in front of them. I can’t imagine their faces if I broke down.
One selfish, cruel person is enough—that’s me. I hope my family can hate me. So they can live well after I’m gone.
And I hope Edwin doesn’t remember me either. I want to watch him from afar. Though… I do wish he could remember, so he could hold me again.
Lately, Edwin often appears in my dreams. I’m grateful I can see him, even if only in dreams.
Come to me in my dreams today, Edwin. Let’s lie down hand in hand and gaze at the sky. The warm future we dreamed of hangs above us.]
Delsia closed her diary with a tired sigh. Even writing a little had left her breathless.
Sliding the diary and quill into her desk drawer, she rose unsteadily. The walk to her bed felt endless.
Stopping along the way to catch her breath, she finally collapsed onto the bed. The mattress welcomed her completely exhausted body. Pulling the covers over herself, she imagined Edwin beside her, looking up at the sky, and closed her eyes.
Another night passed—but the peace didn’t last. Soon, Delsia awoke, gasping.
Her heart raced unnaturally fast. Her face flushed deep red as she inhaled and exhaled rapidly, clutching the covers tightly.
Her grip was so tight her knuckles turned white. Trembling, she struggled for air.
“Huh…hah…haa…”
Unable to pull herself together, Delsia collapsed where she lay, drenched in sweat. It wasn’t until noon, when the sun was high, that she finally woke.
“Miss!”
Opening her eyes, she saw Ella tearfully calling her. Wiping away her tears with the back of her hand, Ella grabbed Delsia’s hand.
“Are… are you okay?”
“…Ella.”
Her voice came out hoarse and broken. Touching her own throat with her other hand, Delsia blinked, feeling a sharp sting in her throat.
“Why… does my voice… sound like this?”
“Miss, we should go back at once, okay?”
“…Ella.”
“Please, Miss. Go back and rest properly. Otherwise…”
Ella’s words trailed off as tears streamed down her face. Delsia gently patted Ella’s head and said, her voice rough:
“I’m fine. Just… just wait a little longer.”
“Miss…”
All she needed was time.
At Delsia’s soft words, Ella couldn’t hold back her sobs. Where had the strong, cheerful Delsia gone? Where was the owner whose smile had been unbearably lovely?
Ella held Delsia’s hand tightly, crying like a child. Her hand felt even colder than yesterday.
