~Chapter 10~
My eyes met Countess Letel’s.
She looked completely shocked, her eyes wide as if frozen in place.
Joshua seemed just as surprised. His already big eyes grew even wider as he stared at me.
“Ma…ma?”
I avoided his gaze and looked only at the countess.
“What are you doing, Countess? Please take him to Her Majesty the Empress.”
My heart ached seeing Joshua on the verge of tears, but I couldn’t show sympathy. That would only confuse him about his mother.
“Hurry.”
At my firm voice, Countess Letel picked Joshua up.
“I understand, Lady Lin.”
Joshua struggled in her arms, trying to break free.
“Mama! I’m going to Mama! Mama! Let go! Let gooo!”
His face turned red as he cried and stretched his arms toward me.
But I turned my head away.
Even after they left the room, his cries echoed for a long time.
I covered my ears tightly.
Ignoring the cries of a child I had loved… it hurt too much.
But no matter how I thought about it, this was better for Joshua.
He’s still young. If he receives enough love from his real mother, he’ll forget someone like me quickly.
It’s okay… this is for Joshua.
I only did what I had to do, but my chest ached and tears fell.
One drop. Then another.
Soon, they streamed down my cheeks.
“I’m sorry, Joshua… just endure a little. Your real mother will come to you soon.”
I wiped my tears and imagined Joshua smiling brightly in Eunsu’s arms.
Then I collapsed onto the bed.
The floor was still a mess from the spilled food and drinks, but I didn’t care.
Tears poured endlessly.
The pillow became wet, but that didn’t matter.
What hurt more was pushing away a crying child.
It’s okay… it’s okay…
Eunsu… kind Eunsu will love him.
At some point, my consciousness faded.
“Lady Lin, please wake up.”
I opened my eyes at the repeated voice.
It was already dark outside.
What… I fell asleep again?
I was startled. I thought I had rested enough, but maybe not.
Maybe my exhaustion had built up more than I realized.
Had I been overworking myself without noticing?
For the past three years in the imperial palace of Krelas, I had always lived in tension.
Even though I believed this was the safest place from Krita, Vivache’s new queen, it was never somewhere I could truly relax.
“Are you awake, Lady Lin?”
“Oh, I’m sorry, Countess. Did I sleep long?”
I took the cold cloth she handed me and wiped my face as I sat up.
“No, not very long. His Majesty has invited you to dinner and sent a dress, jewelry, and shoes as gifts. You should try them on.”
She looked as kind as always, but somehow… her face seemed a little sad.
The question Is Joshua okay? rose to my throat.
“Your face is quite swollen, especially around your eyes. Would you like to lie down? I’ll try massaging them.”
“Thank you, Countess.”
I quietly lay down as she suggested.
She gently massaged around my eyes and placed the cold cloth over my eyelids.
I hesitated several times, then finally asked:
“Joshua… is he okay? He cried a lot, didn’t he?”
She paused before answering.
“Yes… he cried a lot. But I brought him to His Majesty, so he’ll be fine.”
Ah… she took him to Mikhail.
That’s a relief.
I relaxed my body.
* * *
At the same time, in the emperor’s office—
Mikhail sat on his desk, looking at the small child crying endlessly.
The child kept repeating only one word.
“Ma…ma…”
Mikhail knew exactly who he meant.
Unlike himself, who felt awkward around the child, she had cared for him from the very beginning.
Even without ever having a child, she took care of him so well.
Honestly, she could have worked as a nanny.
It was natural for a lonely child to grow attached to someone kind.
And it was natural for him to mistake that person as his mother.
But—
That misunderstanding could not continue.
Eunsu had returned.
And more importantly—
Lin was sick.
Mikhail could not let her keep taking care of the child.
He decided to tell Joshua the truth before things became worse.
“Joshua.”
The child lifted his head.
His cheeks were flushed from crying, his dark eyes shining with tears—he looked exactly like Eunsu.
“The person you’ve been calling ‘Mama’… is not your real mother.”
Joshua’s eyes widened, and tears fell again.
“What does that mean?”
“She’s not your real mother. Your real mother is someone else.”
Joshua shook his head desperately.
“That’s a lie! Mama is my mama!”
Mikhail looked at the stubborn child and remembered Lin teaching him how to speak.
Joshua had been slow to talk.
She had patiently read him stories every day.
If it weren’t for her… I wouldn’t even be able to have this conversation with him.
“Joshua… the person you called Mama is Lin. She was someone I hired to take care of you.”
“Hired?”
“Yes. I paid her to do that job. But now… she has stopped.”
Joshua blinked, then suddenly asked:
“Why? Don’t you have money? Joshua has money. I’ll give it.”
Mikhail smiled and shook his head.
“No, Joshua. I have plenty of money. It’s just… Lin is sick. Very sick.”
Joshua’s eyes filled with tears again.
“Sick? Mama is sick?”
“Yes. She’s very sick. That’s why she’s going to leave.”
“I don’t like sick… I don’t like it… Joshua’s tummy hurt before… I don’t like it…”
“I know. I don’t like it either.”
Mikhail gently continued.
“And Joshua… your real mother has returned.”
“Real… Mama?”
Joshua’s eyes sparkled with curiosity.
Mikhail smiled faintly and touched his cheek.
“Yes. Let’s have dinner together tonight. I’ll introduce you to your real mother.”
For a moment, Joshua looked hopeful—
But soon, his shoulders drooped.
“I don’t want to. I like my mama.”
“…I do too.”
Mikhail’s chest tightened.
“But Lin is sick. She… may not live long.”
‘Only six months.’
The thought struck him like lightning.
His heart pounded. His lips felt dry. His chest burned.
He covered his face briefly.
Joshua mumbled quietly:
“Lin… is sick…”
Mikhail looked at him.
Should he tell a child about death?
No.
The child doesn’t even understand death.
I’ll save her. That’s enough.
He decided not to tell him.
Instead, he spoke gently:
“Yes, Lin is sick. But I will help her get better. And you can help too, right? We protect the people we care about.”
Joshua’s eyes lit up.
“Help? Protect Mama?”
“Yes. We protect her. You know what that means, right?”
“Yes! I can do it!”
He clenched his small fists with determination.
“Put me down! Joshua will protect Mama too!”
Mikhail smiled and looked at the head attendant.
“Take Joshua back to the palace, Robert.”
The attendant picked him up.
Joshua waved his small hands, but Mikhail didn’t respond.
When the door closed, Mikhail leaned back in his chair.
He was exhausted.
Since hearing Lin had coughed blood, anxiety had not left him.
His heart wouldn’t calm down.
What should he do now?
His thoughts kept circling.
Then—
A realization.
What if…
Those memories weren’t delusions?
Things he thought were just illusions had actually come true.
Then—
They weren’t illusions at all.
Mikhail held his forehead.
“They called this… regression.”
Regression.
Yes—
Mikhail had returned to the past.
????? What (-_-)