Prologue
In the dark, quiet room, the sharp click of a Zippo lighter echoed.
Chowon, who had been curled up asleep on an unfamiliar bed, snapped her eyes open at that familiar sound. Soon, footsteps followed, approaching the bed through the darkness. The sound of them thumping against the bare floor felt strangely muffled and heavy.
Waking with a sudden surge of unexplained emotion, as if she might burst into tears, she sat up and turned her head. At that moment, the flame of the lighter flickered out just a short distance away. In an instant, the room was swallowed by darkness, leaving only the silhouette of someone standing close by. Toward that shadow, which seemed hesitant to step forward, Chowon offered a faint smile.
“Yohan.”
She had only called his name, yet she could feel the motionless shadow tremble.
“…I’m here.”
She reached out a weak, thin hand. Soon, she felt the sensation of a hand gently grasping hers. The touch was infinitely cautious, with a slight tremor, as if he were holding something that might crumble at any moment.
When she naturally pulled the hand she held, the large shadow leaned in toward her as if he could no longer help himself. The bed sank under the weight of his body.
With a desperate intensity, he wrapped his arms around Chowon’s back. She felt his gentle breath against the nape of her neck as he buried his face there like a child. Enveloped in the familiar warmth she had missed so dearly, Chowon also buried her face against his shoulder without leaving an inch of space.
“I’m sorry.” “……” “You waited a long time, didn’t you?”
At the sound of his voice, moist as if soaked by rain, Chowon said nothing. She simply used her arms to pull him closer by the neck.
When they opened the door to the rooftop, the chaotic sound of sirens wailing through the air overlapped. She wasn’t out of breath. It was because he had maintained a slow pace the entire time they climbed the stairs together. Holding Chowon’s hand like a tight knot, he acted as if he had nothing left to fear and nothing left to run from.
His deeply sunken expression and silence were somewhat foreign, but Chowon didn’t question him and followed where he led. It didn’t matter where they arrived as long as she was holding this hand. She had once promised him that even if the end was a great danger, she would face it.
Piercing through the frantic sirens below, he walked slowly across the rooftop toward the railing. Like a man wishing this moment would never end, Chowon moved her feet even slower, matching his pace.
“…Come here.”
Only after reaching the railing did he let go of her hand and open his arms. Chowon looked into his eyes silently for a moment, then submissively entrusted her body to his hands. He lightly lifted her and sat her on the rooftop railing. Because of the height of the ledge, Chowon’s gaze sat slightly higher than Yohan’s.
In that moment, it began to rain. Along with the sirens cutting through the air, the lights of the world melted and blurred into the rainwater. Yohan looked at the sky with a vacant gaze, then met Chowon’s eyes once more. Whether it was because of the rain or something else, his eyes seemed to waver; watching them, Chowon gave a thin smile.
“It’s a first.” “What is?” “Seeing you like this. I’ve always only looked up at you from below.” “…Does it look different from above?” “Yeah. You’re even more handsome.”
At her playful remark, a faint smile formed on Yohan’s face as well. Loving that smile, Chowon gently stroked his cheek with her fingertips. Feeling her touch against his skin, Yohan closed his eyes tightly and then opened them.
“…Noona.” “……” “Listen carefully to what I’m about to say.”
Soaked from his hair and skin to his gaze and lips by the thin drizzle, Yohan looked determined.
“Today, you were trying to die here.”
Chowon listened to his low voice in silence.
“…You never met me here, you didn’t witness anything—nothing happened. You were just… unable to overcome your depression, and you tried to die here alone. Do you understand?” “…No.”
Yohan’s pupils shook at her short answer. Chowon didn’t miss the moment and repeated herself.
“No.” “…Noona.” “If I do that, then what about you?” “……” “What on earth are you planning to do with yourself?”
At her somewhat agitated question, Yohan silently reached out a hand and placed it on Chowon’s cheek. Fresh blood dripped from a wound on the back of his hand, though she didn’t know when he had been cut. As if she understood without him saying a word, Chowon spoke like a sigh.
“…Don’t do it, Yohan.”
Instead of answering, Yohan forced a smile. He knew that was the last gift he could give her. Just as she had saved him a long time ago, it was now his turn to save her. Because Chowon knew his heart, she couldn’t bring herself to say anything more.
Even as he smiled, she could see tears welling up in his eyes, unable to be held back. That sad gaze was devastatingly resolute. Therefore, there was nothing left for Chowon to do. She knew Yohan wouldn’t listen, no matter what she said.
Right. Did I really say I would dare to handle a version of you like this? A version of you that is ready to throw yourself away for me at any time.
Chowon leaned in toward Yohan. It didn’t take long for their rain-soaked lips to meet. Their breath, which might be their last, was so hot she didn’t want to let it go. Yohan thought that if sorrow had a temperature, it would be exactly this—as hot and yearning as an unfulfilled desire.
At the same time, he recalled a winter from long ago that had brought this burning sorrow. A girl who was still small and a boy who was even smaller. The moment when the two of them held their fragile hands together and ran down a winter mountain covered in white snow.
After a long kiss, he spoke.
“…You remember what you said to me a long time ago, don’t you?”
Those words of yours that saved my small soul, which had been abandoned in the darkest place.
“Out there, kind people are waiting.”
Chowon knew what those words signaled. Because of that, she hurriedly reached out for him.
But his movement was faster than her realization. Before her hand could reach his shoulder, he pushed her shoulders over the railing with a firm touch.
The moment she lost her balance and her body tilted backward. In that flash of time where his face and his shoulders grew further and further from her fingertips, Chowon etched the image into her eyes. She grew afraid, thinking that this might be the end.
…Wait, there are still things I haven’t said. That it wasn’t your fault, that both you and I were just helpless back then. That we did nothing wrong. I should have told you that.
Feeling her body plummet into the center of the sirens filling the rain, Chowon closed her eyes.
End Of Prologue
