Chapter 10
“I almost felt a bit hurt just now. Even when you were wiping down my body, I never once tried to avoid you.”
“I’m sorry. I was just a little startled, ugh.”
As I uttered a sincere apology, he pressed his lower body slightly closer against mine, applying gentle pressure.
“If you are truly sorry, please don’t reject me this time. Accept me. Joyfully, if you would.”
“……Hah!”
It felt as though I had been struck by lightning. A massive sense of intrusion, coupled with the pain of someone pulling harshly on my skin, made my breath hitch. I bit my lip hard and squeezed my eyes shut, fearing a scream might escape.
It hurts…
My body felt stiff from the pain, and I tried my best to relax, but even when I did, I couldn’t get used to the sensation.
He seemed to be struggling as well. His light brown eyes, clouded with arousal, wavered incessantly.
“Lechua. Are you… alright?”
I could hear the strain in his voice as he worried for me. Realizing he was struggling as much as I was made me feel sorry all over again.
“Just… just do it, Ash. Quickly.”
I had heard that the first time could be painful. Usually, noblewomen would apply a pain reliever mixed with a bit of anesthetic before spending their wedding night. I hadn’t had time to prepare, and I had been naive enough to think I’d be fine.
But I couldn’t stop here. No matter how painful it was, this was something we had started together, and I wanted to see this connection through to the end. Because I considered this a precious time meant only for the two of us.
As if understanding my thoughts, he slid his arm under my back and gripped my shoulder firmly to steady me. In that moment, I nearly lost consciousness several times.
If it were simply painful, I would have wept and begged him to stop; yet, strangely, alongside the pain, an unknown thrill surged through me, pulling me into a sea of pleasure.
Deep in focus, he suddenly flinched and withdrew completely.
“Ah, Ash?”
“Honestly…”
Letting out a low groan through gritted teeth, he caught his breath and looked straight down at me. My heart sank, thinking he might be angry, but I was bewildered to hear the sound of a hollow laugh.
“Why are you laughing…?”
“My lack of foresight seems to be putting you through too much pain, and I don’t feel good about it. I should bring some pain relief next time and try again. Let’s consider today void.”
“What? Void? How can you just—”
“Think carefully about whose face looks like they’re about to die right now. Regardless, I can’t go any further. We can’t exactly die together, can we?”
I only truly understood what he meant by that on a later day, during our second encounter.
Early the next morning, following the bittersweet, half-finished first night.
“Mmm, ngh… Ah, gently… slowly!”
“Shh. Your voice is too loud, Lechua.”
The warm rays of today’s sun were shining brightly into the room, as they always did. The breeze blowing through the open window ruffled the bedroom curtains. Although it was a hot summer, the area behind my room was mountainous, so a fairly cool breeze drifted in.
Despite that, it wasn’t enough to cool down the sweltering heat of the bedroom.
I was lying face down on the plush bed without a single stitch of clothing on. Unable to control my trembling body, I gripped the blanket tightly. I bit down on the pillow to keep from making noise, but I couldn’t entirely stifle the pained moans leaking from my throat.
“Ugh, mm, nngh… Ash, ah…!”
I could hear the sound of Ash chuckling under his breath as he sat atop my back. Thanks to that, the tips of my ears flushed hot with embarrassment.
I didn’t know how things had ended up like this. It felt so unfair I wanted to scream and jump around, but I was frustrated because I didn’t even have the energy for that.
I certainly hadn’t expected it to hurt this much until dawn.
“Does it hurt a lot?”
“It feels like you’re… phew… hacking away at my muscles.”
“Now I feel guilty. It’s not as if I can take the pain for you.”
And yet, he kept letting out those little snickers. I wanted to glare at him for being so mean, but right now, I couldn’t even move my neck or shoulders easily.
Just yesterday, Ash—who had been away from our earldom—returned to my side after nearly four months. Last night, I finally had that long-awaited first night with the man who had asked me to accept him as a lover if he returned safely.
To be honest about my view on the first night… yes, it felt like my body was being torn apart, just as others had said. I had expected it, but I never imagined it would hurt that much.
Between the sweet, deep kisses and the dizzying pleasure of his touch, I felt a sense of ecstasy that made my mind go blank. I knew for certain that it was an act of joy incomparable to tasting any delicacy in the world.
However, the process of opening the secret door between a man and a woman and meeting one another was no simple feat. I was dazed by the novelty of the experience, but I remember clearly the sensation of accepting him.
It certainly was big. Very.
The feeling of being pierced for the first time in my life was akin to driving a stake into frozen ground. Without a single word of exaggeration, it hurt so much. It was a miracle I didn’t faint.
Part of me wanted to kick him away, but I endured it because I didn’t want to ruin this day that would be remembered as our first. As a result, it feels like my body is falling apart now. My shoulders are stiff, and my back aches.
In the end, we couldn’t finish, and instead spent a sweet time lying side by side, comforting each other for the days we had spent longing for one another. Then, I drifted off to sleep, only to be forced awake by the throbbing muscle aches as I tossed and turned.
It was the first time I felt like my body didn’t belong to me. Even moving was beyond my control. It only loosened up slightly because Ash was diligently giving me a massage.
“Your shoulders are very knotted. Should I go get some medicine if the muscle pain gets worse?”
“Forget it. If I say I’m in pain, Nanny might start asking all sorts of questions.”
His touch as he sat on top of me and kneaded my shoulders was incredibly gentle—so much so that it reminded me of those suggestive touches from last night.
Isn’t it strange? Even though it had been so painful and agonizing, his body heat and his touch on my skin slowly made my lower abdomen feel warm.
“Lechua.”
“Ah!”
Just as those lewd sensations and memories were resurfacing, Ash’s voice at my ear startled me. At the same time, my back throbbed again, and I let out a groan.
“Why are you so surprised? Were you thinking about something naughty?”
He asked teasingly with a small laugh, as if he had read my mind. My heart began to pound for no reason, and my throat went dry.
“Don’t—don’t you think your hands are being a bit lewd? I think you’re the one having naughty thoughts, Ash.”
“I won’t deny it. Just looking at your fine skin and beautiful body… the little beast inside me is running wild of its own accord.”
He confessed his inner thoughts casually, his breath turning ragged. His new side somehow made me happy, and a smile tugged at my lips. I liked him back when he was subtly on guard and kept a proper distance, but I liked him even more now, craving my affection like this.
“If it’s running wild, let it loose. There’s no reason to suppress it, is there?”
“…The desire to do so is overflowing, but I will endure until this muscle pain is gone. I don’t want to hurt you any more.”
Truly, why does he only pick the prettiest things to say? It was a bit disappointing, but the strong sense of being loved was enough to satisfy me.
Perhaps he is a gift my mother sent to me.
Regardless of that, however, I felt like I was dying of frustration because I had never been in this much pain in my life. So, I ended up pouring out all the complaints I had never voiced to anyone before.
“I can’t believe my back hurts so much I can’t even walk! This is a first! Catch me. I need to try and stand up.”
Holding his hand, I managed to crawl out of bed and stand on my two legs, but my legs were shaking like leaves and my back throbbed incessantly. I was sweating just trying to stand on my own.
Unlike me, Ash, who looked perfectly fine, wrapped one arm around my waist to let me lean on him, then leaned down and gave my forehead a peck.
“I clearly told you it might hurt if you didn’t relax. It’s a good thing we stopped where we did; otherwise, I wouldn’t have been able to face the Count.”
“…Why did you really stop yesterday?”
“Are you asking because you truly don’t know, even after experiencing this?”
Smiling softly, he flicked my cheek with his finger. I was certain there was another reason beyond that when I felt it yesterday.
Knock, knock.
A knock at the door startled me. Could it be Nanny?
“Ahem, My Lady. Are you awake?”
Nanny’s voice from behind the door carried a hint of a smile. Normally, she would have just walked in and asked; did Nanny also know that Ash had arrived yesterday? And that he had spent the night in my room?
I feel like I’ve done something shameful.
I glanced at Ash standing beside me and then slowly looked down. His magnificent naked body was a sight to behold, but given the situation… I swallowed hard.
“…Do you want to hide?”
“Have I committed a crime?”
“No, it’s not that, but I don’t think I’ll hear anything good from Nanny. Or shouldn’t you at least put some clothes on?”
Only then did he sit me back down on the bed, go into the dressing room, and bring out a robe. He draped it over me, tied the sash, and gave me a light kiss.
“Did you say Nanny was like a second mother to you? It would be troublesome if she disliked me. Go and wash up first.”
“Then I’ll guide you to your room and find some clothes for you to change into. You’ll need to wash up too.”
I felt a lingering regret over that brief kiss just now. I also thought I was a fool for doing nothing but complaining about the pain the moment I opened my eyes this morning.
“Ash. Kiss me.”
