Chapter 40. I only wished to be loved……
Cough, cough.
Seohyo covered her mouth with her sleeve as she coughed. Perhaps because her body had become weakened, her cold refused to improve.
“I feel dizzy……”
Carrying a basket full of laundry, she stopped in her tracks. Leaning against the wall, she blinked slowly. No matter how long she waited, the dizziness would not fade.
It had already been a month since she arrived in Mangwol.
Chaeon no longer called for her. It had been days since they last met face to face. Even when they had accidentally run into each other recently, he had only cast her a cold glance and walked past.
And that day, she had overheard the maids in the kitchen.
It wasn’t as if she had tried to listen on purpose. While tending the fire to shake off sleepiness, she had heard whispers from a corner.
“Is it really true? That only Lord Chaeon was excluded from the Heavenly Emperor’s birthday banquet?”
“Shh, lower your voice.”
The maid who had spoken first looked around nervously.
Seohyo, without realizing it, lowered her head and pretended to doze off. Normally, she would have been scolded with a “Go sleep at night.”
But the maids, seeing her apparently asleep, relaxed.
“You know the Heavenly Emperor’s birthday is in half a month, right?”
“Yes. It’s always a big fuss preparing gifts around this time.”
“But this time there’s been no notice at all. I looked into it because I was worried we’d be the ones who suffer again.”
“And?”
Seohyo’s ears perked up.
“The other sons and daughters have already prepared to ascend. Lord Jeongmyung has been there for days already.”
“So Lord Chaeon will just go on the day?”
“No. They say he wasn’t even invited at all.”
A brief silence fell among the maids. Then came a deep sigh.
“So he’s really been cut off…”
“He’s had a few incidents, but still…”
“This is the first time something like this has happened.”
At that moment, the kitchen door creaked open and another maid joined them, as if she had been listening outside.
“So in the end…”
“Ah! You scared me!”
“Hey, walk in properly if you’re coming in!”
“Sorry.”
After a quick apology, the maid glanced at Seohyo and continued.
“So maybe, when you think about it… Lord Chaeon was given that kind of… partner?”
The maids’ gazes shifted toward her. Seohyo curled in on herself even more, pretending to sleep. The act seemed convincing enough, as the conversation continued.
“That kind of partner?”
“A weak and insignificant one.”
The newly joined maid lowered her voice further.
“I heard they’re even looking for a match for Lord Hyeonrok now, and all of them are daughters of high-ranking gods.”
Hyeonrok was the second son among the five brothers, just below Chaeon, the eldest. The third son had already married a hundred years ago—to the daughter of the god who governed fire.
A heavy silence fell again among the maids.
“…I’m honestly scared of Lord Chaeon.”
Someone spoke quietly.
“I’m afraid I might lose my head someday, really. But still…”
“…It is a bit like that, isn’t it?”
“Yeah, it is.”
The maids nodded in agreement. Seohyo, still pretending to doze, felt the same.
Chaeon was being isolated.
Surely he would even speak harshly in front of the Heavenly Emperor. Was he now in a situation where no one could control him? Was that why he wasn’t even being invited anymore?
“You don’t resent the old man?”
“How could he give you something he never even gave to anyone else?”
Chaeon’s words from before surfaced in her mind. He had looked truly hurt then.
A bitter, aching feeling spread through Seohyo like ink dissolving in water.
Would things have been different if I had been born into a better family? Would Chaeon have hated me less?
Would her father have paid attention to her the way he did to his other sons?
She couldn’t be sure.
Seohyo pretended to wake with a start, then left the kitchen. She wanted to be alone for a while, so she took her laundry basket.
The wide washing yard would be empty. There, she could show whatever expression she wanted.
Suppressing a sigh, she turned a corner—when something unbelievable happened.
The palace side gate was open.
“…The gate is open.”
It wasn’t the main gate, but the side entrance used by maids and servants. Even so, it was usually guarded by four gatekeepers—but all of them were gone.
Nothing like this had happened in the entire month she had been here.
What if there were twenty guards outside waiting? What if they were waiting for her to stick her head out so they could capture her?
Torture? Or worse…
Hesitantly, she stepped closer.
Her trembling hand set the basket down beside the gate. Holding her breath, she peeked outside.
No one was there.
“…Am I allowed to leave now?”
Chaeon was a terrifying master. Unless the guards had lost their minds, they would never leave their posts.
That was exactly why she hadn’t dared to even climb the wall for a month.
“Really… like this?”
She still couldn’t believe it. Standing at the threshold, she turned back. The grand palace came into view.
“…I can go?”
She could return home. The day she had longed for, the moment she had waited for—it had finally come. And yet, why did her heart feel so hollow?
She couldn’t explain it.
Even with freedom before her, a cold wind blew through her chest.
THWIP.
The next moment, an arrow shot from somewhere and struck the gate beside her. A sharp sting brushed her cheek, and when she touched it, faint blood smeared her fingers.
If they truly intended to kill her, they would have aimed for her body. But the arrow had only grazed her cheek.
It was a warning.
A warning never to appear before Chaeon again. And a warning to end this engagement by appealing to the Heavenly Emperor. A price for sparing her life.
Still hesitating, a second arrow flew.
Only then did Seohyo lower her head and step out of the gate.
Something’s wrong… why am I crying?
With every step, tears fell, blurring her vision. She wiped them again and again with her torn sleeve, but new tears kept coming.
“I should have thought it through.”
Even if she had to sleep outside in the dew, she should have stayed inside the palace that day.
Seohyo regretted it as she looked at the sunset. Lost in tears and walking aimlessly, she had ended up outside Mangwol.
Her whole body ached. But it was too late to turn back.
Or rather—it wasn’t that it was too late. She simply couldn’t take another step.
“The sunset…”
Watching the red western sky, Chaeon’s words resurfaced.
“If tomorrow morning the west sky brightens, then I will consider this marriage.”
The sun rises in the east and sets in the west. It had always been that way.
Even after she was gone, it would remain unchanged.
Chaeon had truly despised this marriage.
Even if hatred softened upon meeting someone in person, that had not happened between them.
From the very beginning, everything had gone wrong.
“And the most wrong thing… is my heart.”
Seohyo wiped her wet cheeks.
“My heart… that I still can’t let go.”
Was this what people meant by fate’s cruelty? She had been given many chances to let go of Chaeon—but she never could.
Whenever she tried, she would end up seeing his wounded side.
She had seen the parts of him no one else could see.
The parts he never showed anyone.
He could smile so brightly.
Even if that smile was fake—meant to mock her—at least he could smile. And if she could turn that smile into something real…
How wonderful that would have been.
A sudden wind made her shiver.
“When did so much time pass?”
She had only been staring at the sunset, but night had already fallen.
She realized she had unknowingly climbed back into the mountain she had crossed a month ago.
She had only passed a small hill. The main mountain path hadn’t even begun yet.
“It’s colder because it’s a mountain…”
Walking down in the dark was dangerous. Seeking shelter until morning, she squeezed herself between rocks.
But soon after—
The cold seeped into her bones. She had lived decades, but this was her first time stranded alone in a dark mountain.
“Hello…”
She called softly.
“Is anyone there?”
Not even a fox spirit lived here? She didn’t even dare hope for a fire. Even a pile of leaves would have been enough.
If only it were a little warmer…
“Ah!”
Accidents happen in an instant.
Just like burning her finger on a stove fire, misfortune struck her immediately.
She thought she was walking on a safe path—but her foot slipped, and she tumbled down the slope.
“Ahh! Aah! Ahh!”
She hit trees and branches as she rolled, scratching and bruising her body.
Pain. Sharpness. Confusion.
Finally, she crashed to the bottom and curled up in pain. Beside her was a pile of leaves.
A bitter laugh escaped her. At least she had found what she was looking for.
“Mm…?”
She couldn’t get up. Whenever she tried to sit, the world spun and she collapsed again.
She needed to eat wild fruit at dawn. She was clearly weak from exhaustion.
“…Ah.”
When she touched her head, her hand came away wet with blood.
Only then did she realize why she kept collapsing.
She had hit her head on a rock.
She had lost too much blood without even noticing.
Her body was growing cold. Only her tears remained warm.
Though she was the daughter of a god, destined to inherit her mother’s position, she currently wore a human body.
And a human body was fragile.
“…So I’m going to die.”
The words slipped out quieter than a sigh.
“…Here. Like this.”
Her blurred vision caught sight of a familiar flower.
A deep purple medicinal herb.
It was extremely rare, but chewing its root would restore strength like ginseng.
If she could just move, she could eat it… bind her wound… survive until morning…
But her hand stopped.
Tears fell instead.
Chaeon had driven her out with nothing.
Even though her body was already weak. Even though her home was far away.
He had shot her with arrows as if to tell her to disappear.
Had he expected this?
No… even if he didn’t, he probably wouldn’t care whether I lived or died.
Her chest tightened.
Breathing hurt.
“I just… wanted to love someone… and be loved…”
The purple flower lay just a few steps away—but Seohyo closed her eyes.
Tears cooled on her cheeks.
Chaeon woke with a throbbing headache.
No one in the palace would dare wake their master. He slept and woke whenever he pleased.
Most of the time, when he opened his eyes, the sun was already high in the sky.
Today was no different.
Perhaps even later than usual.
He must have drunk too much last night.
Seohyo—that woman—he had driven her out.
He had tolerated her for a month, but she had been unbearable.
Just her presence, breathing there, standing there—everything about her irritated him.
Forced marriage. Suppression. Duty. Expectations.
Everything was disgusting.
Unbearable.
But the worst of it… was Seohyo.
Those clear, clueless eyes that looked at him made it hard to breathe.
“I understand why that old man sent you among so many women.”
He had once said that to her in the corridor while she was cleaning.
“Your kindness, your upbringing—being loved and believing you will be answered in return… it provokes me.”
“…What?”
“That expression. That look. That naive belief that feelings will always be returned!”
He had struck the wall without realizing it.
“That drives me insane.”
“Lord Chaeon… I…”
“Because I know. Feelings aren’t always returned.”
Some relationships only break no matter how hard you try.
She wouldn’t understand.
“Haah…”
He rubbed his face.
Should he use hot water? Or cold water to wake himself up?
The maids entered with washing tools as soon as he opened the window.
He changed clothes, ate breakfast—but had no appetite. He only drank tea.
“Take it away.”
No one questioned him.
The food was cleared.
The invitation won’t come today either.
Even though he was a son of the Heavenly Emperor, he could only meet his father if summoned.
He already knew.
He wouldn’t be invited.
Of course. I humiliated him right in front of him.
But even thinking “I don’t care about invitations” left a bitter taste.
He blamed it on his hangover.
He entered the main hall.
“Lord Chaeon.”
A servant bowed immediately.
“A woman named Nanyang requests an audience with you.”
A name he had never heard.
He frowned.
“Handle it yourself.”
“But…”
The servant hesitated.
“…We have retrieved Lady Seohyo’s body.”
Chaeon’s hand froze.
A ringing filled his ears.
It felt as if he were sinking underwater.
He could no longer hear anything clearly.
Slowly, he set the scroll down.
The servant looked up cautiously, waiting.
“…Shall I let her in?”
His tongue felt frozen.
“Lord Chaeon?”
“…Only the woman. Bring her in.”
A slender woman entered. She looked to be in her early twenties—fair, but pale and sickly.
She coughed immediately after kneeling.
“I am Nanyang. I greet Lord Chaeon.”
She bowed deeply.
Chaeon stared at her in silence.
The servant signaled her to continue.
“I work at a teahouse nearby. While returning from visiting relatives in the neighboring city, I found a collapsed young lady.”
“How did you know she was from the palace?”
“A month ago, I saw her through a carriage window while I was working outside. Her expression left an impression. Later, I saw her carriage heading toward the palace.”
“Good memory.”
“It is nothing remarkable.”
“What happened?”
Nanyang explained that she found the body at the base of a mountain slope. Others traveling with her helped recover it.
“All of them were women, but they assisted me.”
It would have been proper to dismiss this as unnecessary meddling. A foolish woman who died from a simple fall—why should anyone care?
That would have been his usual reaction.
But for some reason, his chest felt tight.
If Nanyang had not coughed so violently, Chaeon might have remained frozen.
“You did well.”
That was all he managed to say.
“Leave.”
She bowed and stepped backward out of the hall. Her steps were unsteady.
Today she had retrieved a body—tomorrow it might be her own funeral.
But Chaeon did not see it.
Seohyo was dead.
That irritating fiancée… was gone.
So why wasn’t he happy?
“Lord Chaeon?”
The servant cautiously asked what should be done next.
But his mind was blank.
At that moment, the clear sky outside began to darken.
The heavens rumbled in the distance.
Chaeon’s gaze changed instantly.
“The Heavenly Emperor has arrived.”
He rose from his seat.
