Chapter 105 …
What Usher wanted was Eleanor’s beautiful eyes.
Eyes filled entirely with love and vitality—so different from the cloudy, dark ash-gray ones he now saw. What he had loved was something as lovely as that.
But when he thought about it that way, he realized only one truth.
“Eleanor.”
It was something he had already lost.
“I have something to tell you.”
He had tried with all his might to avoid that fact, yet in truth he had never once properly turned away from it. Every time, every moment, he lived while reminding himself of what he had lost.
“Something to tell me?”
Maybe Logan could endure it. If it were that steadfast man who had endured three long years loving a woman who never once looked back at him. Perhaps, even if the light in Eleanor’s eyes had gone out in the opposite situation, he might have had the confidence to bring it back again.
No—actually, he already had done exactly that.
“That unconscious driver…”
But Usher Fitzman—he didn’t have that kind of confidence. It was already difficult enough just to stay beside a woman who no longer loved him. How could he live while watching someone who loved another person, enduring that pain?
“What about the driver?”
He already knew the answer. He had only been enduring out of betrayal and stubbornness. He couldn’t do it. And just as Moira had said, it was something an ordinary person simply couldn’t do. Perhaps that difference was what had separated Logan and himself.
“Usher.”
Eleanor grabbed his arm with an anxious expression. He hadn’t even said anything yet, but it seemed she had sensed something.
“It’s Logan.”
Eleanor dropped the bag she had been holding with both hands before she could even ask anything. Her face turned deathly pale, filled with dreadful anxiety.
“H-he’s unconscious?”
Even though she wasn’t holding anything heavy, Eleanor staggered where she stood. Usher hurriedly grabbed her arm in alarm.
“That accident earlier…?”
“…Yes.”
Eleanor’s face was no longer merely pale—it had practically turned blue. The accident had made such a loud crash it could be heard even inside the station. Logan was unconscious. Even from what little she had heard, it was impossible to expect good news.
“If there was such a loud sound…”
Eleanor murmured.
At the same time, a tear she hadn’t even intended to shed fell from her right eye. As if that were a signal, tears began streaming endlessly from both eyes.
“U-Usher…”
Still clutching his arm, Eleanor trembled. The eyes looking up at him were desperate—eyes so young that he was certain if they ever had a child together, he would never have been able to win against them.
Seeing that, how could he possibly say no?
“Go, Eleanor.”
Usher spoke quietly.
The eyes of the woman who had been endlessly crying flickered briefly.
“Don’t even look back.”
“……”
“Go where you need to go.”
“……”
“Go where you want to go.”
Don’t give up out of guilt toward me, thinking I’m someone you shouldn’t be greedy for. It’s better than losing everything forever.
Swallowing the words he couldn’t bring himself to say, Usher pressed a brief kiss to Eleanor’s forehead. His lips trembled as he bid his final farewell.
“I’m sorry… I’m so sorry.”
Eleanor whispered as she looked up at him.
Usher accepted the apology with the beautiful smile Eleanor had once loved more than anything. For Usher Fitzman, who could never win against Eleanor, this outcome had been inevitable from the beginning—yet he had endured for a long time out of greed.
“Go.”
Usher finally let Eleanor go.
From his body, and from his heart.
And so Eleanor became completely free—from their memories, from the love of the past, and from Usher.
And the woman who had finally become free…
“Young master…”
She left him without hesitation.
Like a small bird that had briefly perched on a branch before flying away again—beautifully taking flight.
…Now forever.
“I’ll take the train alone.”
The servant who had inadvertently witnessed his master’s breakup looked around awkwardly. Usher spoke calmly, his expression unchanged.
“Send Eleanor’s luggage to her later. She’ll need it.”
Usher picked up the bag Eleanor had dropped. Because it had fallen open, something was sticking out from inside.
“I’ll carry it!”
It was the pocket watch Usher had given her when he promised he would return. Picking up his watch from the floor, Usher let out a bitter smile.
“Wait a moment.”
After putting the pocket watch into his jacket pocket, Usher opened the bag he had left on the bench. As soon as he unzipped it, a dress and a jewelry case on top caught his eye. Eleanor had told him he could throw them away, but somehow he never could. It was as if Eleanor’s lingering feelings had transferred to him.
Seeing how each item returned to its rightful owner, he thought:
Perhaps we were never meant to be.
Carefully, Usher placed the dress and jewelry case into Eleanor’s bag and closed the zipper.
“Please deliver this bag to Eleanor.”
“Is there any other message?”
Usher exhaled softly, almost like a sigh, and smiled faintly.
“Well… I used to think I’d die if I lost her.”
His gentle gaze wandered aimlessly around before stopping somewhere.
“But I guess I won’t die.”
He murmured quietly.
It was a realization he had finally reached—his peace of mind.
“Tell her I’m sorry for being foolishly attached… and that I’ll give her a gift. So please tell her to be happy.”
The servant tilted his head in confusion. He couldn’t understand what that meant, but he didn’t dare ask.
“I’ll go ahead.”
“You’re going alone?”
“Of course. I’m not so pathetic that I can’t even board a train by myself.”
Usher answered with a relaxed smile. The servant nodded soon after. He didn’t want to upset the poor young master who had just been rejected. Bowing politely, the servant left the station first.
“The train to Wisbet is departing! The next train is bound for the capital!”
Watching him leave, Usher turned toward the ticket window.
“When does the train to the capital depart?”
“Right after the Wisbet train leaves. You’ll have about five to ten minutes.”
“One first-class ticket, please.”
And instead of buying a ticket to Wisbet, where he had originally intended to go, he bought one to the capital.
To prepare a gift for Eleanor.
A farewell gift—somewhat ridiculous, perhaps.
Usher laughed quietly and began walking.
“Boarding for the capital train has begun!”
The bell rang again with a bright chime.
This time, Usher didn’t hesitate. He didn’t stray down another path. Without looking back, he simply boarded the train.
Not long after, with the cheerful ringing of the bell, the train bound for the capital began to move. Usher gazed out at the scenery slowly sliding past the window. The lingering bell sound stirred old memories.
The green forests of Kent.
The moment he met a beautiful woman long ago.
The brilliance of the memory when his heart had been helplessly stolen.
The eyes he had met while lifting a white bedsheet that covered him like a ghost.
The surprise and faint delight in those eyes.
The streets they walked together with fingers intertwined.
The fluttering warmth in his chest and the excitement reflected on Eleanor’s cheeks.
The day he confessed.
The humidity and warmth of the summer night when they finally became lovers—his heart feeling as though it might burst.
The heavy mood when he left for the battlefield and Eleanor’s reddened eyes.
The agony of the moment he still had to turn away.
How he was erased as a dead man, and how people had changed.
The vivid fear, anger, and sense of betrayal.
The way he acted cruelly.
And finally—
the woman who flew away.
“……”
And himself, leaving alone.
Usher blinked slowly. It hadn’t taken long to revisit such a long span of time. He raised his hand and touched the corner of his eye.
It was dry.
“Not even enough to make me cry, huh.”
He had been so desperately clinging to that woman, yet now that they had parted, not a single tear fell. Because he already knew the truth: their separation had happened long ago. Just as Eleanor had said, it had simply taken him a long time to sort out his feelings.
“It’s nothing much.”
Usher murmured hoarsely.
“Love… is really the process of fitting two people together. Hearts, timing, even the circumstances around them. If even one of those doesn’t match, it can’t come true.”
Suddenly, he remembered something his mother had once told him. While watching her son try desperately like a madman to hold onto Eleanor, Jane had been pained.
“That’s why there are so many breakups in this world. And people grow by acknowledging and accepting them. If you can’t accept that, you’ll never become an adult.”
Perhaps she had worried that her son would remain a child forever.
Of course, such things only happened in unrealistic places. The world Usher Fitzman lived in was entirely real.
The train began moving faster. Usher stopped looking out the window and leaned comfortably back in his seat. Perhaps because he had been tense all this time, his eyes slowly closed.
It was a peaceful and complete farewell.
And a very ordinary breakup.
