CHAPTER 104…………………………………………………..
My chest sank, then began to pound violently. Cold sweat ran down my spine, and my fingertips started to tremble. My breath caught in my throat, but in front of him, who knew nothing, I couldn’t let it show.
“You don’t like being deceived?”
Had my forced smile given me away? My voice… hadn’t it trembled? My consciousness was so foggy I couldn’t even remember what state of mind I had been in when I spoke to him.
Until just moments ago, it had felt like I was soaring through the sky—then I had fallen in an instant.
“Maybe it’s because I’ve encountered many people since I was very young who approached me with friendliness, but with deliberate intentions. I absolutely hate being deceived or betrayed. I realized too late that they came to me with a purpose, and I felt a lot of betrayal. Perhaps because of those wounds, I might have developed a personality that builds walls around others.”
“I… I see…”
I couldn’t think of anything to say. It was as if the stage had been set for me to confess. Should I tell him everything now? I seduced you, intending to be discarded after. That way, I could get what I needed. But now, I’m sincere. I’ve truly fallen in love with you.
I couldn’t even dare to imagine it. Just picturing his disappointed expression made my chest ache, and if I actually saw it… it would feel like my heart would be torn apart.
As if he didn’t notice my body freezing from head to toe, he pulled me into his arms again.
“So that’s why I fell in love with you. You’re the opposite of the people I dislike. You’re transparent to the core, and that’s why I love you.”
I thought I had hit rock bottom—but he pulled me even lower.
No. I’m not that kind of person. The version of me that you love is all fabricated. Everything we went through, every conversation we had, even every expression I showed you… none of it was unintentional.
If I told him the truth now, would he forgive me? I couldn’t easily convince myself that just by saying I truly love him, everything would be resolved.
My legs were trembling—if I weren’t in his arms, I would have collapsed for sure.
Struggling to stay upright, he kissed the top of my head.
“Let’s meet after you visit Kopés.”
He left, and I entered the mansion as if running away. As soon as I opened the door, I collapsed onto the floor and gagged. I marveled that my legs had held up until now. On an empty stomach, nothing came up no matter how much I tried.
Clutching my mind together, I leaned against the bed.
I just have to pretend I don’t know. It’s something that can just be left as it is. How could he ever find out?
I repeated it to myself to calm my racing heart. I just needed to remain ignorant of the contract between Woodville and me.
Yes, in the end, everyone became happy. And in the future, we could still be happy. If only I could leave everything buried…
At that moment, consumed by selfish thoughts, tears fell onto the bedsheets. The pretense of being okay finally crumbled, and I buried my face in the bed, sobbing.
“How… can I just leave it buried…”
I love him too much.
The thought of living my entire life deceiving the person I love was agonizing enough just to imagine. Yet I also didn’t have the courage to face him after confessing everything.
If I had known it would come to this, I should have settled things before dreaming about a future with him. Then, at least on the day we decided on an eternal future together, I wouldn’t have had to feel it shatter into pieces.
I wondered if removing the ring he gave me would ease this guilt even a little. But the ring, perfectly fitting my finger, got stuck midway and wouldn’t come off. Even if I tried harder, my body had no strength left.
In the end, I pushed the ring back in.
Yes, first, I’ll go to Kopés. Then I’ll decide what to do afterward.
Even now, selfish as I was, I loved him too much to choose either revealing the truth or bearing all the guilt alone.
All I could do was delay the decision to have just one more day of seeing the hero’s face.
“Travel safely.”
Even seeing my puffy eyes, Luna pretended not to notice and saw me off.
“When I return from Kopés, I’ll tell you the story I couldn’t finish before.”
“Yes. Perhaps it could even be the last time.”
I wished I could smile back at her, but the weight of my emotions made it hard to lift the corners of my mouth.
In the end, I left the mansion with a dark expression. As Peredil said, Kopés wasn’t far from the empire, and the port soon appeared before me.
Although it wasn’t an official visit, the ministers of Kopés and Chase welcomed me warmly. She personally showed me around, and moving busily as she led me, I barely thought of Peredil.
It was good. I focused on the mission so that no stray thoughts would interfere. I inspected the theaters of Kopés, noting flaws and reporting them to the princess. Using the local budget, the dilapidated theaters had been built but neglected, so finding problems wasn’t difficult.
“The theaters of Kopés generally don’t have staggered seating. It would be good to improve this for better audience visibility. And about the ceiling—if you use a dome-shaped structure, the acoustics could be improved.”
She listened intently, her eyes filled with enthusiasm. For the theaters in Kopés, which lacked proper troupes, I also explained the basic structure and operation of a theater company.
The busy day ended, and she invited me to dinner.
“You’ve worked hard. Thanks to Miss Joyce, Kopés’ theaters can develop further.”
“It’s nothing. It’s because Your Highness listened with an open heart.”
We exchanged polite words, creating a warm atmosphere. When Chase gave a signal, the royal attendants refilled my glass.
“This is Kopés’ specialty—liquor made with strawberries. It will suit Miss Joyce’s taste perfectly.”
I thanked her and took a sip. As she said, the sweet flavor was exactly to my liking. She remembered my fleeting tastes—like Peredil, the more I saw her, the more she reminded me of him.
Peredil-like… in taste, and in mindset.
Was it a clever idea, or a foolish one? But I had nothing to lose by trying.
“Your Highness, how do you feel about people who approach others with ulterior motives?”
I would test her. Could she be someone who might help me?
“Personally… I think they are the type I most dislike. Using others as means is rightly blameworthy, isn’t it? It’s behavior that wounds someone’s heart.”
Just as expected. Both of them thought alike, as if made from the same mold.
“Why do you suddenly ask that?”
“I’m stuck on the ending of a story I’m writing. If the princess were the protagonist, I wanted to know how she would feel.”
“If it helps Miss Joyce, I’m happy to answer.”
I could feel her genuine goodwill as she answered. Believing it truly was a story, she listened to a short version.
“Your Highness has a beloved partner. But in fact, that person initially seduced the princess as part of a deal with someone else and planned to leave once the deal ended. They thought the princess’ heart was easily manipulable. But a problem arises.”
“What kind of problem?”
“The person genuinely falls in love with the princess. Then the conflict begins. Should they stay by her side while hiding the truth, or confess everything?”
I asked the question I had wanted to ask her while she listened intently.
“If Your Highness learned the truth, would you still continue to love that person?”
She didn’t answer hastily. She took a slow, contemplative pause. After a long wait, finally, she spoke.
“If it were me… I don’t think I could continue to love them.”
