CHAPTER 17,……………………………………………….
“The day April returns will be the very day you leave.”
He had been whispering, but now he straightened his back and lifted the corners of his lips in a smug smile.
I barely managed to hold back the laughter that threatened to burst out.
He didn’t know that whether April could be healed within a year depended entirely on me.
He had no idea how ridiculous that confidence of his was—confidence born from ignorance.
Nor did he know the despair and shame he would feel once he found out.
“I hope so too.”
I knew very well that my lack of hurt—unlike before—would twist him up inside even more.
His threats meant nothing to me now. Barak couldn’t threaten me with what he had.
He seemed to expect me to be wounded like before, but when I remained unfazed, his displeasure showed plainly.
“Milady, perhaps that’s enough—”
Ignoring Patrick’s attempt to stop me from causing a bigger scene, I lifted my head.
I had never once approached Barak first, but this time I took a step toward him.
“Why do you hate that I’ve returned to the ducal estate so much?”
He looked at me as if I had asked the most foolish question imaginable.
“Are you afraid I’ll steal April’s place?”
“Yes.”
At his blunt answer, I frowned—then burst into amused laughter.
“Have you forgotten how the ducal house threw me out?”
A suffocating silence filled the dining hall.
Judging by their expressions, none of them had truly forgotten.
On a rainy winter day, they had coldly cast me out. The ducal family, who had failed to keep their promise to my father, had now summoned me back with the intention of using me. It was nothing short of deception.
Barak Hill Rise had disliked me from the moment I first arrived here at thirteen.
“…Shut up and get out of my sight.”
But unlike before, I had no intention of obediently leaving.
“Come to think of it, wasn’t it because of you that Lady April was lost in the first place, Brother Barak?”
Contrary to my words, I stepped closer again and asked as if I truly knew nothing.
“And wasn’t it also because of you that the Duchess went mad?”
“Irina!”
“Milady, please stop.”
Stop? Stop what?
Anyone who had worked long in this estate knew the story.
On a festival day, Barak Hill Rise had taken his younger sister out and accidentally lost her.
“Shut… that mouth.”
There was a taboo in this household—something never to be spoken aloud.
The reason April had been lost.
Of everyone here, I was the one who knew best how long Barak had suffered under that guilt.
I had always lingered around him, desperate for his approval.
No one had ever stopped him when he acted like a delinquent, yet now that I was the one attacking, everyone rushed to restrain me. A hollow laugh escaped me.
“Then shouldn’t you be angry at yourself?”
“……”
“I don’t understand why you’re taking it out on me. You do realize how pathetic that is, don’t you?”
“Irina, that’s enough. Go back to your room—”
Rian strode up and grabbed my wrist, but I shook him off swiftly.
Why was it always me who had to endure? Why was I the only one told to stop?
“Are you being cruel to me because you want to repay April somehow? Because you feel sorry for her?”
His eyes were red like a rabbit’s as he glared at me. I nearly burst out laughing.
“April returned at nineteen, and she was six when she was lost…”
I folded my fingers one by one in front of him.
“Thirteen years.”
Even using both hands wasn’t enough to measure such a long time. I let out a mocking chuckle.
“You must have wanted to compensate her somehow. I heard the man who kept her all those thirteen years was a gambler?”
“……”
“To be honest, if it weren’t for you, Brother Barak, she wouldn’t have had to go through any of that.”
Not just April—me too.
If he hadn’t lost April, I wouldn’t have been separated from my father like that, and my father wouldn’t have died so meaninglessly.
“I told you to shut up!”
His face twisted in rage, his eyes brimming with tears.
Barak’s filthy temper was infamous even in the capital.
What people didn’t know, however, was that beneath that foul temper was someone unbearably fragile.
So of course he must have suffered terribly over the past thirteen years.
Seeing his mother driven mad was proof enough of how much guilt he carried.
“If you say one more word, I won’t let you off, Irina.”
He pressed close to me as he spoke.
“What? Are you going to kill me?”
Memories surfaced—him crying because of the guilt over losing April. I had seen it more than once.
The way he shed tears. The way he called April’s name in his sleep, tormented by nightmares.
“I don’t believe in empty threats.”
“You think I can’t do it?”
As deputy head of the Imperial Alchemy Department, he certainly had the means to kill me if he truly wanted to.
But he wouldn’t lay a single finger on me.
“Then go ahead. All people will hear is that the young lady who walked into the ducal estate on her own two feet suddenly fell ill again and returned to the villa.”
That would be the polite version. In reality, countless rumors would spread.
“So think positively. You know that even if the young lady returns to the estate now, she can’t do anything.”
In a gentle voice, I placed my hand on his shoulder and smiled brightly.
“Think positively. Hmm?”
Patting his shoulder lightly, I left the dining hall, leaving Barak standing there in a daze.
I couldn’t understand how he looked on the verge of tears over just a few words.
He would never know how I had cried in secret because of the things he had once said to me.
“Don’t cry in front of me.”
“If you make a sound, I’ll shut your mouth myself.”
His habitual violent remarks had made it impossible for me to cry in front of others—impossible even to sob aloud when I was alone.
“It’s always only his own wounds that matter.”
He shed tears over something that wasn’t even a fraction of what I had endured. I pursed my lips.
I thought no one would follow me, but contrary to my expectations, Kana quietly trailed behind.
Was she going to scold me? Tell me that Lady April would never behave like that? Or that just because the Duke treated me as Lady April didn’t mean I should act like a true young lady?
With those thoughts, I flung my bedroom door open.
I dropped onto the bed, and Kana quietly closed the door behind her before speaking.
“You didn’t eat properly. Shall I bring your meal to your room? Is there anything else you’d like?”
There was no mockery in her voice—only diligence.
Perhaps she thought the room was warm; she stepped further inside to open the window.
“If not, I’ll bring the dishes that were already prepared.”
I had expected at least a word of reproach. When none came, I stared at her, unable to hide my surprise.
“Why… are you looking at me like that?”
