chapter 21
“It happened during training.”
“Lies. Everyone in Luxen knows you’re not the type to get hurt in training. And the same must be true in Viera.”
Even a child wouldn’t believe that nonsense. Tislin scoffed.
“Sometimes things just happen while working.”
That really meant nothing more than the king was overworking the temporarily contracted swordmaster. Tislin felt even more uneasy. His hands were already rough enough.
“You’re skilled and know what you’re doing, yet you still get hurt.”
He knew how to efficiently complete a history assignment about a war he had actually participated in, yet he willingly took on tasks that could really harm his body—tasks he knew weren’t strictly necessary.
Seeing Tislin frown and unable to look away from the wound, Damien added soothingly,
“It’s really nothing. It’s manageable if I want to get back to Luxen quickly.”
Ah. So there was a reason.
A twenty-one-year-old knight, who had defeated the Marquis of South Parfan at sixteen, had taken a wound to his sword hand without complaint, all just to return to Luxen as soon as possible.
For him, returning to Luxen took precedence over his own injuries.
There was no need to ask why he was in such a hurry. Luxen held the Grand Duke and Adelind—the two people most absolute in his life.
‘Of course. He enrolled in this school as a condition to have Adelind’s heirship recognized by the Cassidy royal family.’
Given that, it made perfect sense he wanted to return to Luxen where Adelind was as quickly as possible.
Tislin instinctively reached out to touch the area around his wound. Damien’s hand tightened slightly on the reins.
“Tis.”
His voice dropped almost to a whisper.
“Ah. Sorry.”
Tislin withdrew her hand. The flutter from earlier was gone, replaced by a dull, slightly dazed feeling.
Damien had priorities higher than her—likely throughout nearly every moment he had lived as Damien Ksanov.
Even a month ago, when Tislin impulsively confessed, it had been the same.
One month ago.
It was closer to winter than spring. Tislin’s outer coat was thicker and longer, reaching below her knees.
Adelind had come to visit Viera during Tislin and Damien’s break, and Tislin had obtained permission to stay at the Luxen estate for about a week.
On the day of departure, by the time she had calmed Adelind’s tantrums, it was much later than expected. Rather than call a carriage, Tislin rode back to the dormitory with Damien.
That day, for some reason, Damien’s voice had been slightly sweeter, and his manner a bit gentler than usual. Perhaps it was just Tislin’s imagination. After all, when one starts a crush, they tend to read too much into everything.
Looking back now, Damien may have simply been tired from spending a week playing along with Adelind and Tislin—or maybe he was just in a good mood. There was no way to know, and no chance to ask now.
The air was slightly warmer than usual, and the sky of early morning, as the sun began to rise, was a bright white. Slightly exhilarated, Tislin started talking about Adelind, and Damien occasionally replied as they walked past the market district and the library back to the dormitory.
A thin layer of snow had fallen earlier that evening in front of the dormitory. As she dismounted, it crumbled softly underfoot, and Tislin’s heart melted just the same.
“You should head back to the estate. You can’t rest properly because of me.”
Looking back, it was funny that she said that. Well, she wasn’t in her right mind.
“Don’t worry. Once I send Adelind back, I can rest.”
“…You really will rest?”
Damien nodded with a brief smile.
“Yeah. I will.”
When their eyes met again, Tislin thought his gaze was kind, almost special in some way. Impulsively, she grabbed Damien’s arm as he was turning to leave.
“Hey. Damien.”
He didn’t pull away or avoid her. Even that felt like a sign. Now.
“Wait. Just a moment…”
Damien silently looked down at her and nodded.
Her heart pounded, her cheeks flushed from eyes to ears. She couldn’t think of anything.
“I… like you.”
The words, always trapped inside her mouth, finally escaped—and her chest sank.
‘I made a mistake.’
All the excitement she had felt turned into an icy chill inside her. Her lips stiffened. She couldn’t even bring herself to look at Damien.
She shouldn’t have spoken.
Everything between them could be ruined. She might never see him again. She had to fix this somehow.
Rationality pushed her to the edge. Clutching Damien’s arm until her fingertips went white, she stammered out almost desperately:
“No. I don’t mean I want to be engaged or married or anything like that. I’m not asking for anything. I just…”
‘This isn’t fixing anything! It’s just making it worse!’
Her half-explanation trailed off, and she shut her eyes, wanting to run away. Then…
“No.”
Damien said it gently, almost pushing her away.
‘I expected that rejection, but why does it feel like this…’
“…Why?”
The words slipped out reflexively. She immediately regretted asking. Why ask for a reason? It was rejection anyway. Hearing it would only hurt.
Yet Damien answered earnestly.
“If I did, it would be harder for you and Adelind to meet.”
Ah. That was the reason.
How should Tislin describe the feeling she felt then?
Humiliation?
For Damien, it may not have been special. But to Tislin, it was something she had cherished for five years. She had thought, even impulsively, that if she revealed it, she’d at least get some response.
But he rejected her because of Adelind.
“How could you… say it like that…”
She would have preferred him to just say he wasn’t interested. At least then, she wouldn’t feel this way.
At that moment, the most precious and shy feeling in Tislin’s heart cracked. It felt like a huge stone had been driven through it.
Damien Ksanov’s priorities had been set for too long. Tislin could never be his top priority.
Not even for a moment. Not even now.
“…I’ll never see you again.”
More shocking than the embarrassment of her impulsive confession or the rejection itself. Biting her lips until they bled, Tislin ran into the dormitory.
She wished her feelings would just vanish. But five years of unrequited love didn’t seem to break even after such a shocking rejection. Broken or hurt, it remained. Just thinking of it made her heart flutter. Even the kind words before bed hadn’t changed anything.
‘Someday I’ll grow up too.’
A vague hope to comfort herself.
And one month later, she received a letter that the engagement had been decided.
The horse stopped in front of a small side gate.
During the day, many people passed through, but at this hour, it was deserted. The dorm windows couldn’t see this spot, so Damien often brought Tislin here when escorting her back.
So this was also the spot where Tislin had confessed to Damien a month ago.
They both seemed to act as if it hadn’t happened.
‘Better to just treat it as if it never happened.’
After all, unrequited love inevitably brings some heartbreak.
Tislin had been disappointed and hurt before, many times, from expecting things alone. She couldn’t blame Damien for rejecting her for that reason.
Still, that rejection lingered in her heart.
“…Thanks for bringing me back. I’ll go quickly before it gets too late.”
No other words were needed. Tislin turned away without hesitation.
If she wanted to be by Damien’s side, she had to accept she could never be his first priority.
It didn’t matter to marry someone like him. Noble marriages were always like that anyway.
As long as he wasn’t marrying someone he loved.
‘That’s why I can’t marry Damien.’
That day, except when Adelind had been ill, Damien had been kind to her the whole time. Like a good fiancé. Tislin had been openly thrilled, honestly pleased. If they married, he would be a devoted husband.
But that was exactly why…
If she married Damien, she would inevitably depend on him—and that expectation would never be fulfilled.
‘I have to annul it. As soon as possible.’
Tislin ran up the stairs and knocked on Sierra’s door.
“Sierra. Remember what we talked about before?”
“I could have fallen asleep if I’d had just ten more minutes!”
Sierra opened the door, grumbling.
“You promised to help me annul it. Now that my assignments are done, can we arrange the introduction?”
Sierra Fontinair’s eyes nearly popped out.
“Really?”
“Really!”
Would it work?
Honestly, she wasn’t sure. But she had to try everything she could.
